The Joke thread -

Lord Stanley · #**451** 03-16-2010, 03:07 PM

What do you call someone who is blue, has stitched lips, and can't talk without falling down?

Abe.

What do you call someone who looks like an idiot, and has a beard?

Abe Lincoln.

HAHAHAHA that is soooo funny!! =)

OddjobAbe · #**452** 03-16-2010, 03:12 PM

I didn't even find the real ironic joke behind those funny. Off the bloody stage.

enchilado · #**453** 03-16-2010, 04:10 PM

Isn't Abe named after Lincoln?

MA · #**454** 03-16-2010, 05:45 PM

get the fucking kettle, Oddjob.

Gwan-Thwei · #**455** 03-16-2010, 06:25 PM

@Nate- I never read over what I write, and my computer starts acting up if I use spell check.
@Ridg3- OddjobAbe's signature is 'A man walks into a zoo. There's nothing there but one dog. It was a shih-tzu.' That
means not only was the dog a shih-tzu, but the zoo was also a 'shit zoo' because only the dog was there.
Anyway, One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.
They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
By now the guy is horny as hell. "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the fucking intercom.."

enchilado · #**456** 03-16-2010, 06:56 PM

Gwan-Thwei · #**457** 03-16-2010, 07:09 PM

Yes that's the one. Hilarious, isn't it?

***Nate*** · #**458** 03-16-2010, 07:14 PM

:

@Nate- I never read over what I write

Well, you should. That's if you actually want people to read your posts.

Gwan-Thwei · #**459** 03-16-2010, 07:17 PM

So long as they can read it, what's the problem? There's this Noob floating around here who speaks in chatspeak like 24/7, so what's the big deal? Even if I don't people will probably read them anyway, so again, the big deal is....?

***Nate*** · #**460** 03-16-2010, 07:28 PM

The big deal is that it's my job to make these forums in to an open and accessible place. If people use chatspeak and poor grammar and typoes, it makes the forums a very dull and difficult place to hang out.

Strike Witch · #**461** 03-16-2010, 07:30 PM

It's a bit of a pissing-against-the-wind job, huh.

Wings of Fire · #**462** 03-16-2010, 07:37 PM

And anime. If you use anime in ANY POST then Nate will swing his double standards hammer right at your goolies.

Strike Witch · #**463** 03-16-2010, 07:38 PM

GRABBED BY THE GHOULIES
*der ner ner ner nuh*
*der ner ner ner nuh*
GRABBED BY THE GHOULIES

OANST · #**464** 03-17-2010, 07:11 AM

Tag Team Trolling has been brought to you by Ghost and Joe.

Lord Stanley · #**465** 03-17-2010, 09:51 AM

Okay, the other ones I made up, and I admit, they were baaad. This one, though, I didn't make...

In Merrie Olde Angle-land many years ago, a tinker was once on his way to London, but it was growing dark and he was nowhere near his destination. Thus, he went up to the inn at the side of the road, and read the name: St. George and the Dragon.

He knocked on the door until an old woman stuck her head out an upstairs window. "What do you want?" she snapped.

"Please, ma'am," he explained, "I need a place to sleep; could you perchance spare me one?"

"No!" was the snappy answer.

"Well, I'm very hungry. Could you please spare a bite of food?"

Again the answer was "No!"

"I'm very thirsty. Could you spare a drop of water?"

"No!"

Sadly, the man looked at the sign again. St. George and the Dragon, huh? He smiled, and snapped up at the old woman, "Well, then, would I be able to speak to George?"

MeechMunchie · #**466** 03-17-2010, 01:42 PM

A man is just walking into town when he sees a dog with a bag go past. He watches as the dog walks into the butcher's and barks at the butcher. When the butcher turns around, the dog gets a note and drops it on the counter. The butcher looks at the note, nods and gets a few steaks. The dog drops some coins on the counter as the butcher puts the steaks in the dog's bag. The butcher gets some change and puts it on the counter. The man watches in amazement as the dog barks at the butcher, not stopping until the butcher gives in and gives the dog the correct amount of change. Facinated, the man follows the dog as it takes the bag and the change and walks back across town. The man stops and watches as the dog comes to a road and looks both ways carefully before crossing. The dog walks up a garden path to a house and knocks on the door. An angry looking man opens the door, takes the shopping and proceeds to kick the dog around the garden.

The man, outraged, runs across the road and shouts:
'What are you doing man? That dog carries your bags, does your shopping and checks your change!'
'Yes, but that's the third time he's forgotten his keys!'

Lord Stanley · #**467** 03-18-2010, 02:28 PM

That's pretty funny.

OddjobAbe · #**468** 03-19-2010, 09:48 AM

Paddy goes to collect his mail. One of the envelopes says "do not bend". Paddy shouts, "Well, how the bleedin' hell do I pick it up?"

MeechMunchie · #**469** 03-19-2010, 10:58 AM

'Hello, Timmy. What did you learn at school today?'
'Obviously not enough, they want me to go back again tomorrow!'

STM · #**470** 03-19-2010, 11:16 AM

Racist joke time...sort of.

London was in shock today when a bomb was found outside a mosque, thankfully police tell local residents not to worry because it has safely been transported...back inside.

Josh · #**471** 03-20-2010, 05:50 AM

GTFO.

Daily Sport headline: "I've got world's biggest tits"

Opened the paper and it turns out that they just interviewed Jedward's Mum.

Gwan-Thwei · #**472** 03-20-2010, 02:45 PM

@Scrabtrapman - That's pretty funny.
you wanna hear funny? I just got my ass handed to me. That's my joke. HAHA

MeechMunchie · #**473** 03-20-2010, 02:52 PM

What do you call an expert on spare change?
A coinnoisseur.

Heh. Just made that up.

Gwan-Thwei · #**474** 03-20-2010, 03:12 PM

It's not too bad. Unlike SOMEONE'S, >cough cough< Stanley>cough<

OANST · #**475** 03-22-2010, 08:26 AM

What do you call someone who makes up puns and posts them on forums?

A piece of shit.

Phylum · #**476** 03-23-2010, 04:02 AM

What do you call an OANST?

A cunt.

enchilado · #**477** 03-23-2010, 04:23 AM

What do you call this thread?

The above two answers combined.

MA · #**478** 03-23-2010, 04:54 AM

:

What do you call an OANST?

A cunt.

this really took me aback, because on the day OANST posted i almost replied with exactly the same thing, word for word.

a man raises milk prices to try and save the Dairy industry.

Phylum · #**479** 03-23-2010, 05:02 AM

After I read one of my rants at STM I couldn't help but think "That sounds like MA"

MA · #**480** 03-23-2010, 05:09 AM

that was a good rant.