Armament Reloaded I

[AlexFili]

Armament was the first story I wrote and submitted to the Oddworld Forums in 2009. While it was a good story, it was pretty basic and is not one of my best pieces of work. With this thought in mind, I have decided to do a semi-remake.

The character names will be mostly unchanged, as will most of the weapon choices of the main characters. I’m mainly interested in changing some of the scenarios and doing a basic story rewrite. This will be fully independent from the original story so no background reading is required.

As always, please leave comments. With a comment, it not only shows that you care… but that you are willing to help a fellow Oddworld fan. I value every single comment I receive.

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Armament Reloaded I
Volume 1: A New Beginning

“Lock and load”, Udra half-whispered to his squad mates. None of the other squad mates gave verbal feedback. They knew it would be best to keep talking to a minimum. Marek looked out of the corner of his eye towards Udra. With that, Udra knew that Marek had heard and understood.

Marek moved his hands very slowly and loaded nine bullets into his revolving pistol. On Marek’s right, Reint silently attached his sniper scope and placed a ten-bullet clip into his sniper rifle. Reint glanced to Marek’s left and looked at Krisso. Krisso quietly moved his hand to his belt, picking up a clip and slipping it into his rifle. Udra withdrew a clip from his backpack and placed it into his semi-automatic pistols.

Marek looked around. These Sligs had to be around here somewhere. Marek tapped Udra on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow. Udra nodded and stayed close to Marek. Reint tapped on Krisso’s shoulder and they move moved off to the west.

Marek could already hear something out of place. There was a nervous squeaking noise, as if there was a Slig who was nervously shivering and inadvertently making his pants move. Marek moved quietly around the corner before moving into the Slig’s line of sight. “Don’t shoot!”, it yelled. It waved its arms frantically in the air and almost started to cry. Udra smiled, “Relax buddy, we’re here to save you”

The Slig calmed down and stopped shivering. “Thank you. Are there more of you?” Marek nodded, “Yes, we are currently rescuing your friend” The other Slig had a shocked expression, “Oh no… We have to go get to them now!” Marek nodded and they ran west. The other Slig explained why he was concerned. Udra's expression changed to shock.

Reint and Krisso had been moving slowly for the past minute or so. They had moved past the old shack and were just about to enter the containment facility. There was a Slig on the ground, Reint was concerned. Reint whispered to Krisso. “I’d better go make sure he’s okay. Cover me”

Reint slowly walked over to the downed Slig. Reint reached for the Slig’s neck. He felt a pulse. He gave a thumb up to Krisso. He helped the Slig to his feet. He found a stool and placed the Slig on it, before trying to wake him. The Slig opened his eyes and started speaking in a quiet tone, “Loo… Scra…”

Krisso moved closer, “What’s he saying?” Reint shrugged. “Repeat please” The other Slig took a moment to steady himself, he was obviously pretty shaken. “Scrab… is loose”

[Oddey]

That's actually quite a grand re-opening kind of intro. Make the rest of it like that, and it'll be great.

[Slig75]

Great start

[AlexFili]

Glad to see you like it so far. I want to keep that kind of deep plot, along with the raw energy and power of the first Armament story. I am hoping that my improved grammar and spelling will help. Not to mention the more experience that I have as a storywriter. I would like to draw some artwork to go with the story as well.

I prefer writing long chapters like this, rather than short ones. I think the pacing works better for it as well. I'll try not to get carried away.

PS I know this sounds like the end, but I assure you... the story has just begun ^_^

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Volume 2: A Bad Situation

Reint and Krisso immediately turned around and took out their guns. Reint heard a noise at the last second and rolled out of the way. The Scrab hit the wall with its beak, injuring itself. Krisso grabbed the other Slig and half-threw him out of the way. The other Slig got up and then ducked behind a crate. Krisso took aim and shot a single burst fire round of ammo in the Scrab’s direction. The three shots scraped the Scrab’s torso. The Scrab howled before running at Krisso. Krisso took a nearby crate and threw it at the Scrab’s beak. The Scrab howled as the Scrab’s beak was now stuck on the crate.

Marek and Udra could hear all of the commotion and headed to the entrance. Reint aimed for the Scrab’s head and shot it. The Scrab was now mortally wounded. It took one last break for freedom, partially tripped and headed for the exit. Udra barely had change to assess the situation before he saw the Scrab charging in his direction. The Scrab was unable to see because of the crate which was stuck on his beak.

Udra tried to move to the side but his pants were caught in the root of a tree. Udra looked ahead and said, “Oh ode…” Udra placed his arms in front of his face and braced for the impact. The Scrab ran straight into Udra. Udra was propelled backwards as the force of the crate hit him full force, ripping the tree root away from under Udra's foot. The crate splintered and the Scrab howled in even more pain, it started moving erratically. Udra was in a vulnerable state, he was hoping that there was nothing behind him. Unfortunately for him, there was.

Udra barely noticed the tree behind him until the very last moment. Udra hit the tree at full force. Udra was lucky that his head was not smashed open right there and then. The Scrab gave one last howl before slumping to the ground and not moving. Udra had just enough time to realise he was alive, before he lost consciousness.

Marek ran in the direction of the noise. “UDRA!” he yelled. He saw the body against the tree, “Udra… no” He ran to Udra and felt his neck, there was a pulse, but it was more faint than usual. He pulled Udra and tried to carry him as much as he could alone. The metal pants dragged along the ground. Krisso walked over and took Udra’s other arm. They carried him to an open area of land. Reint examined him briefly and gave him a small injection.

The group of Sligs disassembled Udra’s pants as best they could, they placed parts into each member’s backpack. Krisso and Marek then equipped their helicopter pants and carried Udra together. Reint and the other two Sligs flew alongside them.

They had completed the mission, but their squad mate has been badly injured. He may not ever recover from what happened. Perhaps in time, things will be right once more.

[slig# 5719]

Nice work so far . The pace really picked up in vol 2.

[Lord Stanley]

I always like it when we get new stories, and they're good at the beginning, because usually that means they're going to continue that way.

[Oddey]

You may want to check the tenses of the last two sentances. If one begins in past tense, one ends in past tense. It seems out of place to do otherwise, but that's just nitpicking. Other than that, there is a definate improvement over the original now.

[AlexFili]

Let me know if that looks okay.

[Slig75]

Good chapter

[AlexFili]

Armament Reloaded I
Volume 3: If He Fell

As night turned to dawn, a small ray of light cast a beam onto the large factory building on the horizon. Marek was glad to see the ominous shape in the distance. Madmedz was probably one of the best places to work in the whole of Oddworld. The main reasons being the high salary and low fatality rate.

After almost a century of slave labour oppression, the Mudokon workers were finally given fair treatment. They still worked but were now free to choose their profession and not warrant any unfair beatings from the Slig guards.

Marek didn’t like beating up Mudokons. Neither did his squad mates, but previously they did… only because it was the normality back then. Marek personally admired the new law. He saw no honour in beating up Mudokons anymore than shooting at Slurgs.

The oval shape of the factory sparkled lightly in the sunlight which was now pouring over the glass dome. The windows of the small apartments were shining and the landing pads were fully lit as always. Marek and his squad flew closer.

One light appeared. Suddenly a second light appeared, green like the previous one. Then two yellow arms could be seen waving, clutching the orbs. A soft yell could be heard in the distance. As the squad moved closer, the mechanical whirring was made more clear, the red glow of the mask too. Atto was once again waving his batons to indicate where the Sligs should land. “Over here!” he yelled at the top of his voice, “Over here! By the pylon!”

Marek didn’t need telling twice. He set down and swapped his pants over. The squad mates did the same. Reint walked up to Atto. “We need a medic” Atto nodded and clicked a button on his belt, alerting the recon team. Reint thanked him. Krisso placed his hand on Udra’s chest. “I can feel a faint heartbeat, I hope this guy makes it” Marek nodded, “He will, I bet…”

[Oddey]

Quite... Perhpas it's for the better that you bend the Oddworld timeline to your will, to suit your style, rather than to bend sligs personalities. Regardless, it makes somewhat logical sense, although I doubt it merely happened overnight, so unless Marek's a very old slig, I find it slightly difficult to believe that he recalls when it was normal to beat mudokons... A lot of plot devices can be deployed to dempen that minor flaw though, and it really isn't all that big a problem.

Maybe it'd just me, but at the moment, the squad seems rather unalarmed.

Pointing out such little flaws only shows that there aren't any big flaws to point out, so consider my opinion to be a good one.

[AlexFili]

In the original story, I hardly mentioned Mudokons.
I didn't to make my characters into Marty Sue's by saying;
"The Sligs NEVER EVER EVER beat up a Mudokon, because that would be BAAAAAD"
I wanted to justify it as much as I could.

My stories should never be regarded as canonical. I'm trying to give the Sligs a nicer appeal, but by doing that I am changing them from what the original Slig design is.

If we say that Marek's squad are about 10 years old, beating up Mudokons would have happened as soon as 5 years ago. The latest Mudokon rebellions made the Glukkons think harder about slave rights. This takes place quite a while after Munch's Oddysee.

What I'm trying to bring forward in Armament is the evolution of Slig warfare.
Thank you all for the comments.

[Oddey]

Uh-huh... I'm sorry, I'm not very attentive to anything today, so I'll just say that I hope the next chapter is on it's way.

[Slig75]

Good part

[Lord Stanley]

It's...a little, yeah, ODD...seeing Sligs that don't like to beat up Mudokons.

[AlexFili]

Armament Reloaded I
Volume 4: Trapped in a Moment

They brought him to the medical facilities on the other side of the factory. Here, the Vykkers reigned supreme. The Interns walked around and performed menial duties, taking orders from their masters. Marek’s squad were as nervous as they could be. They didn’t even have their own injuries checked out, Udra was their top priority. They took him to an empty bed and then called for help. The Vykkers approached him and started their medical recovery work.

A week later, the squad came back to check on his progress. Udra’s wounds were completely healed, his breathing was steady and he was in a stable condition. However, there was something wrong. He didn’t respond to any noises or forms of physical contact. He was trapped within his own body. The blow from the Scrab affected him more severely than anyone could imagine.

Marek sighed, “We’ll have to go to Gleebles without him” Reint nodded. Krisso placed his shoulder on Udra. They then left the medical room, heading for the helipads. Krisso was in a state of shock, “I can’t get a grip… this is just, so terrible” Reint looked at Krisso, “I know, but we have to carry on with our missions. Maybe he’ll get better” Marek nodded but secretly he was deeply concerned for his friend.

Gleebles was a small factory. There were several herds of Meep, along with a couple of captured Scrabs. Marek didn’t like seeing Scrabs captured, but he was thankful that at least these ones were better secured than the last Scrab he saw. These ones were chained to metal posts dug into the ground. The fences were tall and lightly electrified. The floor itself was sloping downwards, making it impossible for a Scrab to jump or leap any significant distance. The Scrabs inside walked around and made chirping noises every so often, they were somewhat content.

Gleebles itself was little more than a few shacks. The Mudokon huts were scattered across the valley. Gleebles had no need for Slig security guards, partly because they were so far away from any civilization. Marek’s squad walked through the shacks and made their way to the Glukkon executive office. “Sup”, said a voice from the inside of the shack. Marek entered the shack and saw the Glukkon. The Glukkon was likely to be a chump level executive. He was wearing a red suit and still had some cheap white cigs, similar in composition to the regular Slig cigarettes. Krisso stepped forward, “So what seems to be the problem here?”

[Oddey]

Well... Yarek seems to have escaped armament for now, but lets see if he makes a return.

[Slig75]

Oh dear, Udra is in a coma
Good chapter

[Lord Stanley]

Hmm, Glukkons. Does he have a Havana, or is it just a Camel? Marlboro, perhaps?

[AlexFili]

The person in a coma is Udra. Also the name is Marek not Yarek!
Um, I don't get that last comment Stanley! (Oh wait, cigs)

[Oddey]

Ah, I must have gotten that blitzknife weilding recruit from the original armament confused with someone else. What was his name?

[AlexFili]

I think you mean Yars lol.

[Oddey]

Yes, that's the one... Names don't seem to be included in my area of memory.