The Joke thread -

Wings of Fire · #**241** 12-08-2009, 04:59 PM

Psychometric test results are based on opinion now?

I believe he's entitled to his fact, you'd be perfectly entitled to your joke if it was actually funny.

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**242** 12-08-2009, 05:01 PM

I love you too wings.

Dipstikk · #**243** 12-08-2009, 07:35 PM

Hey guys, how many Robotniks does it take to... to... roorooooAAABBBOOOOTNNIIIIKK

OOOAAAAAAAAUUUGGHHHHH OOOOOOOGH!!!! BRRRAAAUFGG!

SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME SURRENDER TO ME

...GET IT?

master of hardcore · #**244** 12-09-2009, 01:19 AM

Hahahahaha

Sekto Springs · #**245** 12-09-2009, 06:31 AM

So Matt, have you been infracted for your Ivophilia yet?

MeechMunchie · #**246** 12-09-2009, 12:44 PM

:

Headbangin' 'Botnik!

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**247** 12-17-2009, 08:04 PM

Never ask drug addict about funny comedy lines, I asked one for some good lines.
He pulled out his cocaine and gave me a straw.

Disgruntled Intern · #**248** 12-17-2009, 08:09 PM

A 72 year old autistic man told me this joke:

Why did Batman go under the bridge?

wait for it

TO TAKE A PISS AND A SHIT IN ROBINS MOUTH

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**249** 12-17-2009, 08:12 PM

Hahaahaaaa.. I don't get it, but that was surprisingly funny!
I commend you on a great joke.

Pilot · #**250** 12-17-2009, 08:49 PM

:

Never ask drug addict about funny comedy lines, I asked one for some good lines.
He pulled out his cocaine and gave me a straw.

So then what happened?

enchilado · #**251** 12-17-2009, 09:02 PM

Opril liked it, and wants you to give him moar.

Josh · #**252** 12-18-2009, 04:38 AM

Scientists have found conclusive and irrefutable proof that evolution is infact reversable...

...The Jeremy Kyle Show.

OddjobAbe · #**253** 12-18-2009, 08:18 AM

Two homeless men are walking along a field. They see an enormous house, that looks like it was very expensive. One man said "I wish we could afford a house. I'm very hungry, and very cold, I would very much like to eat in such a place."
The other man said "Hang on. I have an idea."
He picks up a reasonably large piece of horse manure, they both walk up to the door of the house, and they knock. A middle-aged, rather wealthy looking woman answers.
"What's the matter?" She asks.
"Well, we're very cold. Look at our clothes - they aren't at all warm. And look - all we have to eat is this horse manure, and even that's cold. Is there any chance you could help us?"
"Of course," the woman says. "Go round the back, and I'll warm it up for you."

MA · #**254** 12-18-2009, 09:49 AM

:

Scientists have found conclusive and irrefutable proof that evolution is infact reversable...

...The Jeremy Kyle Show.

HERE WE GO AGAIN GUYS! COME ON NOW, BUCKLE YOURSELVES IN FOR A NIGHT OF ORGASMIC FUNNY ABOUT KATIE PRICE, JEREMY KYLE, MICHAEL JACKSON, PAEDOPHILIA, RAPE AND DEAD BABIES! YEEHAW! did i cover them all?

Glenn Beck.

funny on its own.

OddjobAbe · #**255** 12-18-2009, 10:40 AM

A man is driving along, when his wheel comes off in front of an insane asylum. One of the patients is stood outside having a cigarette. The driver gets out of the car, and asks the patient if he can see the nuts for the wheel. He can't. The patient says "Take one nut from every other wheel and use those."
"I wouldn't have thought of that in a million years," Says the driver. "Why are you in the mental hospital? You're not that bad."
The patient says "It's a hospital for the mentally disabled, not the chuffing stupid."

Disgruntled Intern · #**256** 12-18-2009, 03:36 PM

There are two men. A rich man, and a poor man. They are the best of friends and coincidentally happen to share the same wedding anniversaries, so every year they meet up after shopping for their wives and compare what they bought.

The rich man says, "Look, I've got a beautiful diamond necklace for my wife. And in case she doesn't like it, I've also gotten her a lovely fur coat."

The poor man nods and says, "Not bad, not bad. I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**257** 12-18-2009, 03:43 PM

:

So then what happened?

What happened?.. the most fascinating thing, I used the straw to
snort the lines of coke up my bum. Trying an anus inhale.. it's hard.

OddjobAbe · #**258** 12-18-2009, 03:45 PM

My sides are killing me. Get me something to stop them wobbling.

MA · #**259** 12-18-2009, 07:29 PM

OH YES

MeechMunchie · #**260** 12-20-2009, 05:54 AM

I HAVE A GIF TOO

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker Face.

Disgruntled Intern · #**261** 12-20-2009, 06:03 AM

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEATH LEDGER AND HEATH LEDGER JOKES

HEATH LEDGER JOKES GET OLD

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**262** 12-29-2009, 03:40 PM

How about.. "My penis is a five dollar foot long.. but you can have it for free." ???

***Nate*** · #**263** 12-29-2009, 04:09 PM

What the hell is a five dollar foot?

MA · #**264** 12-29-2009, 04:26 PM

you're just asking to get lectured by his bullshit logic, Nate.

Pilot · #**265** 12-29-2009, 06:50 PM

"Five Dollar Footlong" is a Subway promotion. Promoting Footlongs for 5 dollars.

Isn't that classic?

used:) · #**266** 12-29-2009, 08:13 PM

Classic.

MA · #**267** 12-29-2009, 08:21 PM

knock knock

who's there?

...

who's there?

...

fuck off then, cunt.

your mother.

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**268** 12-29-2009, 08:57 PM

:

"Five Dollar Footlong" is a Subway promotion. Promoting Footlongs for 5 dollars.

Isn't that classic?

"Five.. five Dollar.. Five dollar foot lawng!"

OddjobAbe · #**269** 12-30-2009, 08:04 AM

A man asks his wife "Do you want to play a rape game?"
She replies, "No."
"That's the spirit!" He says.

A pitchfork walks into the shed. He sees another pitchfork. "Hey-up!" he says to it.

A man takes his fish to the vet. "I think it's epileptic." He says.
The vet has a look, and says that it's fine.
"You haven't even taken it out of the tank yet."

A man takes his dog to the vet. "I think he's cross-eyed."
The vet picks up the dog and has a look. "Yes, he is. I shall have to put him down."
"Why? Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, I have to put him down, because he's too heavy."

Josh · #**270** 12-30-2009, 08:07 AM

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on anti-climaxes.

The librarian says, "Certainly sir, you can find a range of books on the first floor in section A".
The man thanks him, finds a suitable book, rents it out with his card and could not have been more courteous.