God VS Satan.

[dark_xinos]

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach
and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would
live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries
with
that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
that man found so fair.
And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and
brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.
And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded
cheese.
And there was ice cream for dessert.
And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter.
And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those
extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip
also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled
in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."And Man went into
cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.....
And Satan created HMOs..

[Jacob]

YEY 4 DADDY...GO DADDY!! YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEY!!

[Doug]

Good one, DX. Thanks for the chuckle.

[Gluk Schmuck]

Very funny!

But what's an HMO?

[MunchOnThis]

That's funny DX!!!!!

[Doug]

Originally posted by Gluk Schmuck
what's an HMO?

Health Maintenance Organization.

It's a relatively new (20 years? could be longer) type of health plan in the US. I'm not an expert, and there are many variations, but the way they essentially work is the costs are generally lower than other health plans, the tradeoff being that you must pick from a list of doctors and other health care providers that participate in that particular HMO.

The connection with Satan comes from the fact that they are almost universally despised for the way they put profits ahead of patient care by restricting tests and therapies, prescribing the least expensive drugs regardless of effectiveness, and the like. On top of that, you practically can't put a band-aid on yourself without getting administrative approval from the HMO.

[Danny]

Band-aids are like Plasters, right?

[Doug]

Originally posted by Danny
Band-aids are like Plasters, right?

Hmmm . . . if I knew what a Plaster was, I could tell you.

I wondered if "band-aid" (oops, trademarked, should be Band-Aid) was going to translate across the pond. Non Band-Aid companies call them "adhesive bandages," and they're basically a 3-inch strip of beige tape with a 3/4 inch piece of flat gauze stuck on it for small wounds. Sound like a plaster?

"Band-Aid" is the brand name of a specific company, but most people call them band-aids no matter who makes them. Like "Kleenex" (facial tissues/snot rags) and Xerox (photocopy).

[Whistling kettle]

Cool DX!

[Gluk Schmuck]

Originally posted by Doug
Like "Kleenex" (facial tissues/snot rags) and Xerox (photocopy).

They're called 'tissues' (not brand name) and 'photocopiers' (not brand name) here. But we do call sticky-back plastic 'Sellotape' (brand name) and that white stuff that comes in a bottle 'Tip-Ex' (brand name). Only Blue Peter presenters call Sellotape sticky-back plastic.

[ODDBODD]

Originally posted by Danny
Band-aids are like Plasters, right?

PLASTERS... Yeesh i used to say that when i was 5

[Doug]

Originally posted by Gluk Schmuck


They're called 'tissues' (not brand name) and 'photocopiers' (not brand name) here. But we do call sticky-back plastic 'Sellotape' (brand name) and that white stuff that comes in a bottle 'Tip-Ex' (brand name). Only Blue Peter presenters call Sellotape sticky-back plastic.

Interesting. Sticky-back plastic sounds like "cellophane tape", but no one calls it that. It's all "Scotch tape" (brand name). Tip-ex sounds like "Liquid Paper" (for making corrections on inked/typed paper?), but everyone calls it "white-out", which might be someone else's brand name, but I'm not sure. Liquid Paper is the most well-known.

Speaking of tape, do you know about duct tape?

Is Blue Peter a store?

My sister-in-law studied in England for a while. She loved to tell the story of being embarrassed when she wanted to buy some pieces of paper for her dinner guests to dab their mouths and wipe their hands with, and asked the store owner for "napkins," which I use every day, but I gather males and dinner guests in England do not.

[Majic]

Doug, I must commend your intelligant way of using a self-dignified manner to sound even more impressive. Ehehehe....