The Fallen Temple (NEW!)

Al the Vykker · #1 12-28-2001, 01:26 AM

This is just a Preview of whats to come.

The Fallen Temple
Written By: AL The Vykker

It has been ten years since the destruction of RuptureFarms 1027 and it has become an ancient stronghold for a subclass of the Octiga Family. ( GLukkon Family fits in this category. ) This group does not wear the casual suits of the land dwellers and are controlled by an unknown menace know one has ever seen. The Mudokon Cheifs have yet to send anyone to investigate what could be lurking in the shadows. One Brave Mudokon Village Named Zarcyn is willing to send on their bravest Soul. More To Come Soon.

Send me your thoughts.

•[cyrus]• · #2 12-28-2001, 10:13 AM

Thats' really cool AL the Vykker......Nice past tensor places

...Mudokon101

Al the Vykker · #3 12-28-2001, 01:28 PM

Thank you!! I have always wanted to write a fan fiction and now i t has started. If you have any ideas for me now is time too share because I'm writing the first draft now.

[ December 28, 2001: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

•[cyrus]• · #4 12-28-2001, 01:36 PM

OK, i'll provide you with SOme information that i thought of.

Ok, maybe the Mudokon village could be named Zarcyn......Just a first thought....

...Mudokon101

Al the Vykker · #5 12-28-2001, 01:47 PM

Thats a great start! I originally was going to have Abe, but then I decided to break away from the story line to make it more interesting.

Note I'm getting a new computer soon so keep adding info. It might take a while. Thanxs a bunch!!!!

And I added Zarcyn to the end I'm thinking of the Heros name. Send me Ideas.

[ December 28, 2001: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

[ December 28, 2001: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

kleeng · #6 12-30-2001, 08:57 AM

Oooh good intro.

Unfortunetly i dont have any idears for you.

Im extremely bad with making up names.

But I think it'll be a great story judging from the quality of the intro.

Al the Vykker · #7 12-30-2001, 12:53 PM

Thanks Kleeng, I just wanted people's Opinions, If they didn't have any Ideas Note: to all the story will probably be finished after New Years
I have a busy schedule but I will make time for My first Draft.

Al the Vykker · #8 12-30-2001, 10:09 PM

Here is chapter 1 of my first draft note this may go alittle slow so send me feed back on what I can improve.
Sincerely, Al the Vykker

The Fallen Temple
Written By: AL The Vykker

Prologue

It has been ten years since the destruction of Rupture Farms 1027 and it has become an ancient stronghold for a subclass of the Octiga Family. (GLukkon Family fits in this category.) This group does not wear the casual suits of the land dwellers and are controlled by an unknown menace know one has ever seen. The Mudokon Chiefs have yet to send anyone to investigate what could be lurking in the shadows. But one Brave Mudokon Village Named Zarcyn is willing to send on their bravest Soul Jerec.

Chapter 1 more than Hunting

"Wake up!!!" Jerec yelled to the sleeping Mudokon. "What? Jerec Your up already,"Shiki said. "Yeah, I couldnt sleep. I had the strangest dream I was by myself traveling through the woods searching for something." Jerec responded. "Well anyhow we need to get ready for our hunting trip." Shiki said. "Oh my ODD I almost forgot about that Shiki, just let me get a new Loincloth on and I'll be ready." Jerec replied. Jerec went into his crate and found a brand new pair of his favorite loin clothes and changed out of his other pair. "Ah, much better," Jerec said relieved as he changed. He swung down the vine out of his tree house and joined his best friend Shiki with their two elums. They saddled up and headed for the main gate of the village. The village of Zarcyn has many tree houses in which the mudokons climb up to. The two reached the main gate and were let past and headed into the woods.

"Man I am glad to get some fresh air," Shiki said, as he smelled the wild berries. "Its hard to believe we are actually hunting by ourselves. I mean were finally fifteen and aloud to go by our selves now." They continued until they came to a stream. "Looks like our elums are getting thirsty, we should stop and get them some water," Shiki said. The two stopped and set up a camp while the two elums drank from the stream. "So you brought your lucky spear Jer?" Shiki inquired. "Why wouldn't I Shiki? You know I never miss anything with this baby." The two silently waited for an animal to come along. Shiki had his bow ready, as did Jerec with his spear. Then they heard a noise. "What could that be?" Shiki asked silently. Then Shiki fired his bow and scored a hit but to his surprise it was a rat.

Meanwhile, back in the village the elders were discussing the issue of strange animal and Mudokon disappearances in the area and inside the forbidden sector.

More to come soon......
Please send feedback.

[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

Al the Vykker · #9 12-30-2001, 10:30 PM

Here is a reference photo of the Octiga Family
[img]null[/img]

[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

Joe the Intern · #10 12-31-2001, 12:32 AM

Very nice, Al. Keep it up!

Al the Vykker · #11 12-31-2001, 01:31 AM

Thanxs a bunch, hey Joe you have a great story going do you know when you will be doing the next chapter I loved it.

Sl'askia · #12 12-31-2001, 02:40 AM

Looking good so far. One bit of advice. When you switch between speaking characters, put it on a new line, for example(BTW this is from one of my fics...too lazy to think of something on the fly):

"It may not seem possible to you now." Ishtar said, softly, "but you will find happiness. You just have to look hard enough."
"What would I look for?" Dementa asked looking up, her face stained with tears.
"That only the fates know..." Ishtar said, "I never got your name by the way..."
"Dementa."

This way it makes it a little easier to read.

Al the Vykker · #13 12-31-2001, 02:58 PM

Thanxs for the tip luckily this is just a first draft.

Joe the Intern · #14 01-01-2002, 05:15 PM

Hi, Al! I'll be posting the next chapter of my fic as soon as I get over this writer's block!

toxicity · #15 01-01-2002, 11:55 PM

The octigi family picture makes me feel mooshy!!!

Al the Vykker · #16 01-02-2002, 04:20 PM

Leave me a messaee just in case I forget about it, Joe.

Al the Vykker · #17 01-07-2002, 06:55 PM

Chapter 2 Why Me?

" Man, I'm so tired from hunting allday!" Jerec said as he yawned.
"Be quiet just because you got a paramite, and I got a rat you shouldn't brag!" Shiki said irritated.
" Its not my fault that you didn't wait for a good catch," Jerec replied.
"Yeah but you have your Slypth(Name of Spear)that never misses Jerec!"

The two got ready to sleep in thier reed sleeping bags. That night, Jerec had the same dream of him searching for something but the dream continued, and Jerec looked over the clearing to see a Glukkon transit station. He woke up, Shiki was still asleep though. He decided he would not tell Shiki about the dream again, and with that in mind he went back to sleep. The sun rose and gave birth to a beautiful Oddworld sunrise.

" Ah, how did you sleep?" Shiki inquired.
" Fine," Jerec replied.
"Well we better get back to the village." Shiki said.

The two friends saddled up thier elums got some water and headed back to the village of Zarcyn. It took some time to return but the guard welcomed them back and said that the council is waiting to talk with Jerec.

I will finish the chapter when I'm back from the store.

[ January 07, 2002: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

Al the Vykker · #18 01-08-2002, 11:53 PM

Jerec enters the council chambers while Shiki
waits outside. The room is very damp and misty, only one torch is lit. Jerec felt very errie and looked around for the the tribal elders.

"Stay there young Jerec," the tribal chief said as he appeared from the shadows. " We have been expecting you," the other elders said.
" Wha, what do you want from me?" Jerec asked in a frightened voice.
"You have been selected to go to the forbidden sector," the chief said.
" What is the forbidden sector, and why do you want me to go?" Jerec inquired.
"Because you are our bravest and strongest
Mudokon in the village." "We also have no word from any other villages that will send thier best to the zone," the chief said with as much toloerence as possible. " You my young friend must get some sleep." The chief said tiredly.

So with that in Jerec's head he headed to his tree house, and waved good bye to shiki who was heading for his home. Jerec climbed the side of the tree and started to get ready for bed. He took off his loincloth, making sure no one was around,being that no one was in the tree put a fresh pair on the floor for tommorow, and slipped into his grass bed and pulled over the fur covers.

paramiteabe · #19 01-09-2002, 05:02 PM

Hey Al The Vykker cool story so far keep up the good work. I just got finished writing my first chapter of my story in my post have a look.

I will give you some ideas later on I have to go to work now so see ya around
IN ODD WE TRUST!

[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: paramiteabe ]

paramiteabe · #20 01-10-2002, 04:10 PM

What do you think the forbidden sector would look like or be like? Maybe the land in this area could be very unstable and dangerous for any traveler coming through. What do you think Al the Vykker? I was thinking maybe a volcano or massive marsh land that the mud is a mile deep. And anyone going through it would not make it. Cool idea! Sincerely
Paramiteabe

Al the Vykker · #21 01-10-2002, 06:15 PM

The forbidden sector is very unstable for tresspassers, it is alsoe ruins of rupture farms are. Chapter three is almost done!

Al the Vykker · #22 01-15-2002, 06:57 PM

For My loyal fans. This chapter explains alot.

Chapter 3 the journey.

"You will need it to destroy him with it!" "But I don't understand!"
" All will be revealeded soon my so..."

Jerec woke up sweating. Then he relized he needed to get his loincloth on, and get going early. So he put it on and slid down the tree with his Slypth. And prepared to make a run for the main gate. He was given instructions not to talk to anyone on his way out, not even the guards. Jerec sneaked into the shadows and climbed the fence, his elum would not be joining him. Outiside it was still twilight, and Jerec began to think about his dream. The voice had seemed so familiar but he could not put his hand on it. He continued as the animals were out. A lone paramite hissed at the moon while a scrab howled in the distance. All Jerec could remember was that the forrbidden zone, was that the village elders often mentioned that a mudokon named Abe had liberated his brothers from this place where he used to wax the floors. Jerec was already miles away from his village as day broke.

He went to the river to fetch some water. Jerec splashed the water on his face and cooled off it was a warm oddworldian day. He then continued his journey and found a natural hot spring. He decided since no one was around he would take a dip. He removed his loincloth and jumped into the water. It was very relaxing, his tribe beleived the hot springs were a natural revitalizer. He spent a half an hour just relaxing then put his loincloth back on and continued.

He reached a mudokon outpost that seemed to abondened. The tower was in disrepair and seemed not any slig or industrialist could have done this. Jerec entered to find a mudokon captain, half dead.

" Are yoou allright?" Jerec inquired.
" Octigi...." THe chief last words were.

Sty tuned.

[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: Al the vykker ]

paramiteabe · #23 01-16-2002, 12:06 AM

Very Interesting so far Al. Can't wait to read the rest of the chapter. It's pretty cool so far. I have just got done writing my story on paper now I will put the rest in my post. Keep up the good work.

In Odd we trust!

Al the Vykker · #24 01-20-2002, 01:26 AM

Stay tuned for chapter four its gonna be really cool.

•[cyrus]• · #25 01-22-2002, 09:54 PM

Great Al the Vykker,

You've really gotton the hold of this Fanfiction thing!~ Good work so far

~

Mudokon101...

Majic · #26 01-23-2002, 10:49 PM

hm, nice..... i wanna hear more......spoil me with more pleasent words.....

Al the Vykker · #27 01-24-2002, 08:06 PM

Thank you all! I will be on here more often now. I will finish chapter 4 this next week. I have been busy working on a 20 page research paper that is due Monday. Kudos to all.

•[cyrus]• · #28 01-24-2002, 08:25 PM

Ok,

I'll be waiting ainxiously for the next chapter

Mudokon101...

Silversnow · #29 01-26-2002, 10:21 AM

Nool Cice story and that's all I've got to say since I've taken all my good words to all other fics around here.

Majic · #30 01-27-2002, 03:14 AM

ouchies, 20 pages. well, i cant wait till tuesday or wednesday then. i wanna see all the muds get gibbed by some evil monster.... not really but still man i cant wait.