my poem

sligface202 · #1 02-11-2002, 08:06 PM

my name is sligface.
im tryin to stop the mudokon race.
u got a problem wit dat.
then go F*** a rat!

im hea chillin in da cab.
waitin' to go to Vykerrs lab.
im gonna test a fuzzle.
i think im gonna be puzzled.

i got to hyper.
so,i shot a vykerr.
i left vykerrs lab.
it was the only choice i had.

i got real hungry.
so,i went to a shack.
i looked at the left.
i saw some sligs smokin' on crack.

i looked at the right.
i saw a paramite.
as usual i shot it.
but,i missed it.

i got chased.
both of us raced.
i shot it again.
and it felt the pain!

it finally died.
it was paramite pied.
it was delicious.
it was nutricious!

i went to the slig barracks.
i saw the sligs smokin' on crack.
they saw me.
so,i said he he he.

i said hi.
they said bleh!
i said want some paramite pie?
they said bleh!

i got pissed.
so,i hissed.
i called my big bro slig.
but,he was to busy at Rupture Farms cuttin' a pig.

i went to bed.
thinkin' about the paramite that was dead.
i closed my eyes.
i woke up to the sound of get your free paramite pies!

they were my pies.
gettin' sold by crawling sligs.
i stepped on it.
but,when i looked up i saw molluck.

i said oopps.
he said that i was fired.
he went to poop.
but,i shot him.

he did die.
i actually saved the mudokon race.
i know the mudokons won't forget,
the name sligface!
~sligface202~

sligface202 · #2 02-11-2002, 08:08 PM

please give me a score from one to ten on how great my poem is.

DarkHoodness · #3 02-11-2002, 08:37 PM

1/10? Most likely. . . It kinda sucked. . . No offence.
- DH

Jacob · #4 02-11-2002, 08:52 PM

U really do have a problem dont u? Personally i feel u shud lighten up. And Sligface...dont listen 2 him. It was real good i'd say around 6-7 out of 10...*Claps* Nice try...keep going at it.

Danny · #5 02-11-2002, 09:42 PM

Is Eddie insulting this Masterpiece of Modern Literature? *tut, tut*

sligface202 · #6 02-11-2002, 09:58 PM

:

Originally posted by Danny
Is Eddie insulting this Masterpiece of Modern Literature? *tut, tut*

i think he is by saying "i think it sucks"

sligface202 · #7 02-11-2002, 10:07 PM

:

Originally posted by Jacob
U really do have a problem dont u? Personally i feel u shud lighten up. And Sligface...dont listen 2 him. It was real good i'd say around 6-7 out of 10...*Claps* Nice try...keep going at it.

um...since u said that...u think i should post the sligface poem (cont.)or not?

Disgruntled Intern · #8 02-11-2002, 10:12 PM

1-10 eh?
I'd give you....a 5.
i think that you maybe struggled a little too hard with trying to make it ryhme, but otherwise it was fairly good.

domman · #9 02-11-2002, 10:22 PM

i dont know what they are talking about it is the best poem i have ever read!!...............come to think about it its the only peom i read

i give you a 6 out of 10

ODDBODD · #10 02-12-2002, 09:52 AM

thats was pa-pa-pa-pathetic!! i wouldnt print it and wipe my ass with such nonsense!!

LOL nah kids man, 2/10

tooo long and not enough humor

Alector · #11 02-12-2002, 02:05 PM

This poem is very long, but I don't like it that much because a poem shouldn't be like that.

I don't like the rhymes you typed there. Like ODDBODD said already "That was pathetic" - I agree with him.
Sorry for being so harsh, but if you try to write a new poem, think more about it.

Due to my words, I won't give you a score from 1-10 because this is not necessary...

Gluk Schmuck · #12 02-12-2002, 07:06 PM

I agree with Eddie, Dan, Nalaka (sp) and Claudia

sligface202 · #13 02-12-2002, 11:13 PM

:

Originally posted by ODDBODD
thats was pa-pa-pa-pathetic!! i wouldnt print it and wipe my ass with such nonsense!!

LOL nah kids man, 2/10

tooo long and not enough humor

if u don't like my poem then don't say that you'll wipe your ass with it!Because i'd take your website and wipe my ass with it!

ODDBODD · #14 02-13-2002, 09:10 AM

lol, the funny part is that you have quoted the part where i say "lol nah kids man" and still you took me seriously.

your a silly person

Alector · #15 02-13-2002, 11:24 AM

Sligface, you also can write poems without rhymes or less rhymes, but it still should be poetical!

:

my name is sligface.
im tryin to stop the mudokon race.
u got a problem wit dat.
then go F*** a rat!

Ha! If you would write it in a book of the poetic arts, the reader would just shake the head and throw it away. I also write poems, but they make sense.

sligface202 · #16 02-13-2002, 07:49 PM

ODDBODD are u taking me serious!This is NOT a joke!I really mean it!

•[cyrus]• · #17 02-13-2002, 10:38 PM

You 2 better stop it or you'll eventually get banned!

Mudokon101...

Teal · #18 02-14-2002, 08:06 AM

*sighs* If you post a piece of writing and then demand feedback, you shouldn't get angry if people are truthful about it. I'd far rather have some good honest criticism on some of my work (and not just "that's good" even if it's blatantly not, and they're just saying it so not to hurt your feelings), as you can't improve something if you don't know what's wrong with it, than nothing at all (although I agree that compliments are nice...).

If you're being honest with yourself, you'd have to admit it's not exactly the most brilliant shining example of poetry... The idea of poetry is not simply to make it as long as possible and rhyme. Some haikus are very beautiful, but they only have seventeen syllables (I think I got the number right). Like Alector, I don't think a 1-10 score applies here.

Happy?

Danny · #19 02-15-2002, 12:18 AM

:

Originally posted by Teal
*sighs* If you post a piece of writing and then demand feedback, you shouldn't get angry if people are truthful about it. I'd far rather have some good honest criticism on some of my work (and not just "that's good" even if it's blatantly not, and they're just saying it so not to hurt your feelings), as you can't improve something if you don't know what's wrong with it, than nothing at all (although I agree that compliments are nice...).

Ah good, at least somebody appreciates me...

Cool Paramite · #20 02-21-2002, 01:01 PM

*Sigh....* This reminds me of my own Oddworld poem, one of my first topics. I posted two of them, and my first is the best.

(Hmmm, this is my second time today I talk about the first few days of my membership... I'm getting sentimental!

)

Anyway, back to Sligface's poem. It's not bad for a first poem, but I won't place it into the hall of fame.

dark_xinos · #21 02-24-2002, 06:22 PM

I liked the last verse... the rest... na

MunchOnThis · #22 03-08-2002, 03:18 PM

Well I'll give you 7/10.
I liked the poem and the others were a little harsh about it.
It was very good for a first try.

Though some of the verse didn't make sense, so what I liked it overall.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by ODDBODD
thats was pa-pa-pa-pathetic!! i wouldnt print it and wipe my ass with such nonsense!!

LOL nah kids man, 2/10

tooo long and not enough humor
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not enough humor.........?You're wrong it was humorous!!!!!!!
It was not pa-pa-pa-pathetic!!!!

Too long? I could think of other poems longer than that thank you.

ODDBODD · #23 03-09-2002, 04:35 AM

sorry to be harsh but, dickhead.. read the whole of my post... you even quoted it fool! i said

"LOL nah kids man, 2/10"
Do you even know what that means

MunchOnThis · #24 03-09-2002, 06:10 AM

:

Originally posted by ODDBODD
sorry to be harsh but, dickhead.. read the whole of my post... you even quoted it fool! i said

"LOL nah kids man, 2/10"
Do you even know what that means

Sorry, and yes I do know what you mean, but there's no need to be harsh I was sticking up for sligface that's all.
I know you said sorry for being harsh, but that was a little too harsh.

Rex Tirano · #25 03-09-2002, 10:49 AM

I'd give it a 9/10 it was better than my first try! Keep it up and well be as free as a bee! Bbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!