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  #1  
07-04-2009, 08:04 PM
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The Life of Officer Clucks

Hello peoples. This is my second fanfic, which I said I would write the first "chapter" today, and indeed I shall. Enjoy.

Day One: The New Kid

Mr.Clucks walked into the Sheriff's office to see his new boss, Sheriff Charles, sitting in his chair with his feet up on the table and a cigarette in his mouth. Clucks stood in silence and waited to be addressed too, while the Sheriff stared at the ceiling. After a couple minutes of awkward silence Charles finally looked at him and said, "What are you, a freakin' mute? What do you want?" Clucks could tell that he was in a foul mood.
"Well uh...Sheriff Charles...I'm your new 'deputy'. My names is Clucks, Mr.Clucks. Is there anything I can do to start off today, sir?" he said respectively.
"Yeah, how about you organize these folders for me?" he said.
"The ones on your desk?" He said hopefully as he stared at the small stack of folders on the table.
"No, idiot. The ones in those three cabinets over there. Make sure not to make any noise, I hate being waken up. Oh, and if you finish by the end of the day -- which I doubt --, make sure to go see Fred in the back, he'll give you your pistol and badge."
"Yes sir. But aren't Sheriff's only supposed to have one deputy?" Clucks asked him.
"Who said he was my deputy? I consider him a ehh....Buisness Partner, you know? Now get to work kid. If those aren't finished soon, you'll have to stay over night and finish up the job. Oh, and if any of the bugs get inside, make sure to smash them with that bat over there." he pointed to a corner.
"A...A club? Is that REALLY necessary, sir? It's just a bug an' all..."
"Just a bug! Hahaha, you crack me up, Clucks. Just a bug, he says..." Charles continued to mutter to himself and laugh as he walked out of the room.
Clucks sighed deeply and walked over to the first of the cabinets and pulled out a stack of files. He started flipping through and reading some of them, which were mostly warrants for someone or another's arrest. A few of them though, were about local 'accidents' that had happened. He read the first one. "On the second day of the week at midnight, Officer Jud 'accidentally' shot a civilian while chasing after Raw McGraw." Jeez, Clucks thought to himself, that sounds terrible. And who is this Raw McGraw fellow anyways? He drifted off into thought while he looked through the files.
All of a sudden his toes started feeling numb and he looked down at his foot to see a giant THING on his foot, chewing on his toe! "SHERIFF! SHERIFF! I'M GETTING EATEN ALIVE!" he said, running around the office and stomping his foot on the ground. The Sheriff came in with a bat and smashed it on his foot. Clucks howled in pain, and the creature's (which later turned out to be a bug) guts splattered all over the ground. "Wha-wha-what was that!?!!?" Clucks said in a high pitched voice.
"I told you you would need that bat..." Charles said with a grin and walked back out. "Oh and Clucks. DON'T WAKE ME UP AGAIN!!!" he screamed.
Oh great, Clucks thought. Oh great...
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Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape

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  #2  
07-04-2009, 11:49 PM
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Very ambitious. I like it.
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  #3  
07-05-2009, 04:24 PM
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Day Two: Welcome to the force

Clucks woke up to the small and hot room where he was supposed to live for the next few days. His body was nearly plastered to the bed with sweat, but he somehow managed to get up and put on his overalls and hat.
He walked over to the Sheriff's Department building and through the door to the unfriendly face of Sheriff Charles. "Ah, odd dummit' Clucks! Why couldn't you've not shown up today?!?!" Charles said angrily.
"Why would I do that...I do WORK here, after all..." Clucks said, half-awake.
"I made a bet with Fred that you would quick. I bet twenty moolah, I was that confident!" he cursed. At that moment Fred walked in with a happy look on his face. "I told ya! Hand it over, tubs!" Fred said it with glee.
"Alright, alright. Jeez..." He dug into his overall pockets and pulled out a wad of moolah and handed it to Fred, who took it gladly.
"Good doing business with you, Boss."
"Yeah, whatever. Now, where were we? Ah yes, Clucks. follow Fred into the back and get your 'equipment' alright?" Charles said, a bit less angry.
"Yes sir, right away!" Clucks said with a salute.
"Stop being such a suck up, ya' puss." Fred said with a roll of his eyes.
The two were in the back of the building, in the store room. Fred dug through multiple boxes and finally pulled out a pistol, a leather holster, and a few rounds of ammo and tossed them to him, which he fumbled to catch. "Oh and don't forget your badge, Deputy." He tossed a pointy badge at him, which Clucks grabbed at with stupidity, because the points of it stabbed into his hand. "Oh my Odd! You coulda' warned me Fred! Oww!" he grunted with pain.
"C'mon, stop being such a woosie and man up."
"CLUCKS! GET IN HERE A.S.A.P!" Charles shouted from the other room.
"Clucks, to make sure your "worthy" enough of being MY deputy, I'll inform you of our first mission together. OK? Good. Turns out the local store owner, Mr.Lester, is having trouble with a group of thugs. Apparently a duo of outlaws come into his store and rough him and some of his customers, claiming that if Mr.Lester doesn't do what they say, that their gang leader, Bad Boris, will burn his store to the ground. We're going to be guarding the store for the next couple of days, and if those outlaws come into the store and try to mess around with anyone, we're going to have to teach them suckers a lesson, alright?" Charles said with a breath.
"Yes sir! I'll be at the office earlier tomorrow!" he said with a smile. "I cant wait to get to work.."
"Yeah yeah, I wouldn't be if I were you, but if you actually LIKE protecting innocents and working as a protector of the law, it's not my death sentence.." The sheriff said with a smirk.
__________________
Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape


Last edited by stonetooth; 07-05-2009 at 04:51 PM..
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  #4  
07-07-2009, 03:49 PM
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Day Three: Events at the Store

It was late in the morning whenever Clucks went to Mr.Lester's store. At first he thought about going to the office first, but he figured that Charles would already be at the store, waiting impatiently for him. So he arrived at the store and saw Lester, a very fat clacker with glasses. "Why hello there Lester! Is charles around here somewhere, by any chance?" he said in a friendly tone.
"No, haven't seen hide nor hair of Charles, or anyone else..." he said with a disapointed grunt. "Seems buisness is getting a slower and slower these days. Probably because of those outlaws and what not..." he continued on.
"Of course, of course Mr.Lester." Clucks said, trying to get the old man to stop ranting on about young juvenile kids these days.
"Why, your a very nice young fella', Clucks. I tell you what, do you mind keeping watch of the store while I go find Charles and maybe have a good ol' chat with him?"
"No problem at all, Lester. Take your time." he said with a smile.
"I'll be back in a jiff." Lester said, and ran out the door. Clucks had nothing to do for awhile, so he whiled away the minutes looking through the things Lester had in his store. "Hey, kid. Where's Lester?" someone coming into the store said somewhat angrily.
Without turning around to tell the person face to face he simply said, "Off on a errand. He'll be back sometime soon, I think." Clucks said, focused on looking through some of the amazing things at the store.
"Well tell you what, clakker. How about you git' behind the couner and open up the register, and give us the moolah init', if you don't mind?" Clucks heard a evil chuckle from a second person, and he turned around.
"Hey know, I don't know what your think--..OH MY ODD! OUTLAWS!!!" he shouted. "Now now, you best get out of this store, I got half a mind to shoot you two.." He said, reaching to his holster, which he disapointedly found empty.
"Well well, chicken boy, looks like you're just out of luck." one of the outlaws carried a club while the other had on knuckle-dusters, and they slowly came closer to him. Clucks was slowly edging his way down one of the isles and was looking around for a makeshift weapon. He grabbed a glass bottle off of one of the shelves and threw it at the closest outlaw right in the face, and the outlaw fell backwards.
"You little git! You knocked Zed unconscious! Why I outta..." he hefted his club and smashed it down onto Clucks head with a loud WHACK. Clucks slowly sunk down to the ground, one hand on his head, until it slipped away and he slowly fell into unconsciousness. The last thing he heard was the crazy laughter of the outlaw, until all went black...
__________________
Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape


Last edited by stonetooth; 07-07-2009 at 03:56 PM..
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  #5  
07-10-2009, 01:36 PM
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Wont be posting for awhile, going on a mini-vacation. 3 days. No time to post at the moment.
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Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape

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  #6  
07-10-2009, 02:09 PM
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Don't worry, you've already given us a lot to think about. Take your time and make a masterpiece
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  #7  
07-11-2009, 08:02 PM
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turns out that the trip is canceled. We were supposed to go today (I was packing yesterday and the lot) but apparently we changed the date. Anyways, chapter four.

Day Four: In a Daze

Clucks woke up, slowly opening up his eyes until he could make out two fuzzy people staring down at him, which turned out to be Charles and Fred. "Hey, look who finally woke up. You took quite a hit on the head yesterday at the store." Charles said with a grin.
"yeah, but you did a bit of good. Nice hit on the head with that bottle on that one guy. Awesome!" Fred said happily.
"W-wait...What is going on..? I thought I was gonna die." Clucks said, shaking his head hazily.
"Well you were, but me and Mr.Lester came into the store at just the right time. I wrapped them outlaws up and brought them into the jail. We are going to question them later tonight. You can go ahead and take a look'see at 'em tonight if you want. But try not to take too long." Charles told him, and Clucks gave a dutiful nod and walked off to the jail part of the Sheriff's Office.
There before him, dumbfounded, sat the two thugs who beat the crap out of his yesterday, but now they were looking blankly at the floor.
"Well well well, look what we got here. It's karma, lads. Your lucky we aren't hanging you or something of the like." he said confidently behind the bars.
"You clakkerz wouldn't 'ave the guts. The boss'll have all your hides soon 'nuff, he will." The one that knocked him unconscious said confidently.
"Yeah, whatever. Now tell me, what are you and your friends name?" he questioned.
"I'm Kert, e's Bert. We is the toughest in the gang! We'll finish what we started once we get out, which we will." Kert said with zealous belief.
"Ah I see. And your boss, he'll be quite angry that you are locked up in here? I see." Clucks said, pretending like he was a detective.
After a brief amount of questioning, which Clucks took it upon himself to do without Charles and Fred, he headed into the office and went over to the computer. Charles walked into the room drinking out of a mug and said, "What you typing up?"
"Ah, well I took it upon myself to question those two outlaws, Bert and Kert, and I'm typing up there profiles. We need to keep these things filed, you know. Just in case they get out, y'know?" Clucks said without looking up, continuing to type.
"I see. Well then, you can take pictures of them and the lot. Play detective, or whatever." Charles said with a chuckle.
"Oh, and Charles? They kept saying that their gang'll come to the town just to save them, do you believe that?" Clucks asked.
"Of course they will. Them outlaws need all the fighters they can get. Too bad we can't just kill 'em all. We have to be civil, they say. Hmph!" he said with a grunt, and walked out, leaving Clucks to his typing.
__________________
Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape

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  #8  
07-14-2009, 09:22 AM
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Day Five: The Ugly Truth

Clucks sat in the Sheriff's Office with a confused look on his face. "B-but Charles! How can you do this?!"
Clucks was in shock whenever Charles told him the news. It seems that the mayor wanted Charles to RELEASE Bert and Kert! It was an outrage. Apparently they had survived there time for their "minor offences" even though they nearly beat Clucks to death.
"I'm sorry Charles. I can't do anything about it." he said with a frown.
"Well, surely we can refuse to let them go?" Clucks asked.
"We could, but then the mayor would declare us as enemies of the town and then everyone would be hunting us down." he told him.
"Well then, i'm going to go talk to the mayor and see if I can get him to change his mind." he said. He grabbed his gun and holster, and left out the door.
He arrived a few minutes later at the mayor's door. He knocked on it, but when no reply came, he turned the nob, and he walked right in. He headed straight up the stairs, and he walked to the mayor's office. It was cracked open, and he looked in. What was before him chilled him to the bone. The plump mayor, Mr.Hald, was talking to a outlaw.
"So Mr.Boris, my good friend...." he said in a diplomatic manor.
"Why did ya' call me 'ere, tubs?" he asked, already bored of the conversation.
"Well, I think that you may have to move your base out of the town. That sheriff and his new deputy are very...Nosy." he said to the outlaw.
And at that moment, Clucks died something really stupid. He sneezed loudly, and both of them looked at him throw the window.
"Get 'em!" Boris said, and three outlaws came from behind Boris and charged at the door.
With no time to spare, Clucks charged down the stairs, through the front door, and straight to the Sheriff's Office.
"CHARLES! CHARLES!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!!!" He shouted, looking around for the Sheriff. He stumbled out of a door and fell to the ground, getting back up and wiping himself off.
"Odd dummit, Clucks, what is it???" Charles said, kind of ticked off.
And so, Clucks told the entire story of the events at the Mayor's House to Charles, and, not at all to Clucks surprise, the Sheriff stood there, mouth agape.
"Well, that's a shocker. Tell you what, Clucks. We'll look into this tomorrow. Why don'cha go home and try to get some sleep, eh?" he said with a friendly smile.
"Of course, of course.." Clucks replied, and left to his house.
__________________
Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape


Last edited by stonetooth; 07-14-2009 at 09:27 AM..
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  #9  
07-20-2009, 11:04 AM
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Day Six: Shoot out!

Clucks walked into the Sheriff's Office. It was like a normal day, except for the fact that they were going to tell the people of the town that the mayor is secretly dealing with outlaws to keep himself powerful and the like. Clucks walked over to Fred, who greeted him with a forced smile. "Ah, 'ello Clucks. I think Charles needs to talk to you today."
"What about?" he said, sipping from his coffee.
"What the heck do you think? About the mayor, o' course." He continued. "Now get in there!" he said, pushing Clucks towards Charles office.
He walked inside, and Charles looked up at him and said, "Ah hello, Clucks. I was doing some research on the mayor and I found something really interest-" he was cut off in mid-sentence by a bullet flying through the window, only two inches from Clucks head.
"AH! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! OUTLAWS ARE ATTACKING US!" Fred said, running inside, waving his arms around.
"Calm down Charles! Now, grab your pistols! he said, and led Clucks and the scared Fred out into the main room. Charles took up position by the left window, and Clucks the right, while Fred took cover behind a couch.
Clucks slowly lifted his head up to look out the window, and saw a large gang of outlaws shooting up every building in the town, with frenzied clakkerz running about and some wrapped up in nets.
He shot out a round of pistol fire, aiming for target outlaws, and some of them actually hit. Amongst them he could make out the forms of Bert and Kert, the outlaws that the mayor made them release.
After that, he was almost immediately returned with heavy amounts of fire. He ducked, hiding back under the window, and Charles was doing the same thing he was.
There was a frenzied knock on the door, and Clucks slowly edged over to it, and opened it up. Charles was trying to tell him not too, but Clucks couldn't understand his hand signals.
And when he opened it, he was greeted by a nearly toothless smile of a outlaw with dynamite and other explosives strapped to him, and he had a lighter in hand.
"AHH!" Clucks said, and closed the door, and the door blew up, as did most of the windows, and some of the frame outside started to burst into flames.
A troop of outlaws came into the room, with clubs, knives, machine guns, and other weapons. The three clakkerz quickly stood up and started shooting at them, taking down a few, but not before they returned fire.
A loud yelp was heard coming from Fred, but they didn't have time to check it out. They continued to shoot, taking down the rest, and then aimed their guns out the window, to see roughly eight or nine of the outlaws left. One of them, was shooting two uzis into the air and screaming, "I'm Bad Boris, and I'm gonna kill the lot of ya'!" he said crazily.
A second later he saw Charles take aim at Boris, and the outlaw boss fell with a bullet in his head, collapsing to the floor. The outlaws were surprised at that, looking around for who did it. But before they could find them, he and Charles released fire on them, taking the lot of them down.
Now that the outlaws were all dead or running from town, they rushed to Fred, who still groaned in pain.
Two bullets were in his chest, one on his shoulder. Charles hefted him up and took him back to his office, and Clucks leaned against the couch and took a deep, deep breath..
__________________
Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape

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  #10  
08-03-2009, 12:52 PM
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Well, after not posting for a week or maybe more, I decided to post a chapter today. Enjoy.

Day Seven: The Mayor

Clucks, Charles, Fred, and a mob of angry citizens with pitch forks and common (but dangerous) house hold items, stood outside of the mayor's house. The mayor had locked all the doors inside, closed all the windows, and was up in his office, looking down on the frenzy of his citizens below.
His assistant, Tim, pushed up his glasses and asked, "Um, sir, shouldn't you go down there and uh...talk to them?"
"Are you stupid?!!? That's a MOB, ma' boy, with pitch forks, butcher knives, and worse! And you expect ME to talk to them? You must be stupid...." he shouted at him.
"But sir...What if they get even more angry because your hiding from them, so they'll know it's true, and then they'll break down the doors and most likely hang you." Tim said.
"Oh all right..." the mayor said with a grunt, and his assistant led him to the front door.
Clucks and the rest of the crowd booed as the mayor came out, some even throwing things at him. Clucks himself spat at him.
"Now now, my people, calm down! This can all be explained! Just put down your weapons and lets talk peacefully!" the mayor said in a quivering voice. "Peacefully? You nearly killed us all!" Clucks yelled. "You dared to deal with outlaws, when you of all people should know that outlaws HATE clackerz! What the heck were you thinkin'?!?!!" the crowd roared their agreement.
"We-well, I...I....." the mayor said, his arms shaking. Suddenly, his legs felt to weak to carry his body, and he fell to his knees.
After scheming up something to do with the mayor, Clucks, Charles, and the other people that got to decide what happened to him came up with a idea.
"Alright then, you backstabbin' fiend...It has been decided that you are going to be thrown out into the desert and will never be aloud to come into this town ever again in your life!" Charles said angrily. And so, the ex-mayor walked out of the town, shrugging.

P.S sorry for it being so short, it's mostly just conversation, so I figured I wouldn't post a full chapter of talk.
__________________
Co.M
"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape

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  #11  
08-03-2009, 01:31 PM
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Shame that I seem to be the only one enjoying this. Great work!
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  #12  
08-08-2009, 07:04 AM
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I'm enjoying it too don't worry.
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  #13  
08-08-2009, 02:19 PM
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I'll post tommorow guys, I'll be completely absorbed in Warhammer online for the rest of the day.
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"The judge knew that he was full of shit and gave him twenty five years and now his heart is filled with tears. That night it was getting late. He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed. but the guards payed no attention to his cries. that's when things got out of control. The moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny." -Sublime, Date Rape

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08-08-2009, 07:17 PM
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Ok cool. Can't wait
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