The Truth
Whoah, I seriously can't hold it back any longer. Usually, you always try to be polite and not start a topic that doesn't bright up someone's day. But I can't do that this time. I'm probably not made to be kind.
Feel free to ban me if this thread goes too far for you.
Contains strong language!
The whole society, mankind, with which I grew up always tried to muzzle me, giving me pills, throwing me in a jail for problem children, just ANYTHING to make me finally shut up. But obviously, they failed now.
The real reason, and what made me a problem child, are THEM and not me. It was THEM who abused me and taught me how to do it to get away with it. It was THEM who destroyed my believes and vitality. It was THEM who made all the differences in my world which now has become a quite ugly place.
And now it's THEM again who always keep telling me that I am the problem here. That it's MY view that makes the world a dark place. After experiencing it, they call my memories a lie simply because they didn't experience it.
Lies on TV is what made them ignorant. What made them cold-hearted, pirate-loving, women-abusing, war-supporting people.
People, I know what true hate is. It's just like love. You badly want to meet the concerned person, it makes you happy when you meet her/him, and it makes you sick if you don't. And what's worse; it never ends. It burns in your mind, it changes you, it drives you insane. Your uncontrolled lust feelings go to a completely wrong direction. And you can't do a shit about it. You can go masturbate to finally get rid of these feelings and thoughts, but that won't hold back that lust created by pure hate for long.
Don't support hate in any way!
Once you get it, you'll never get rid of it ever again. You won't be able to love simply because you lost your believe of its correct use. But you certainly know one thing:
Love does more than pills. Love does more than pills.
I'm 19 year old now. That's a freaking long time for someone who lives alone with a special vision and view of today's society. I hate these many persons who judge me by my age, they're just as ignorant as anyone else I met. They think they know what my damn life has been like simply because of a number.
It was exactly such persons that only cared about me when it came to any kind of abuse, whether it was because they hated me, or fell in love with me and wanted to own me. And that already began when I was a kid. I became an adult's toy. Could I do a damn shit about it? No.
Did they ever get punished? Haha, who's gonna listen to a kid anyway?
Especially to a kid that became a problem child because her confusion made her aggressive, what made her lonely, what made her being different from others, what made her misunderstood.
19 years, dammit!
How many days are that? How many hours?
You're naive if you think that something's going to change about the people around me now. It's still like always. They try to make me one of them. They don't want to understand what I've lived through, what I've learned, what I could have taught them if they only would have listened. And then they wonder why this world keeps getting darker and darker. And that's what I can't understand.
Here's what I hear in churches:
We all should love each other like brothers and sisters.
Here's what I see on TV:
Brothers and sisters kill each other in the war.
Here's what I see and hear about the TV's watchers:
They support that war. They give a shit about the poor people in Iraq who just couldn't choose to be born there as we couldn't choose to be born on our countries. They give a shit about the mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers... about anyone who gets killed. And anyone who kills back. Spreading around hate.
Trading oil with blood.
Trading paper and metal against precious lives, which is really priceless.
Another day it says in the news that someone of their own country got killed or abused. Suddenly, anyone goes aww. They don't hear the endless screams of non-Americans out there who get killed or abused, which could have been done by Americans too.
The whole planet is one place.
With countries, we separated it. We made us ignorant. We got taught to be ignorant at school already, simply by hanging up our flag and always telling how much we love THIS country, and this country only. Did we ever do something to say that other countries are cool, too? Unique and an adventure of which we can learn from each other? No.
Why? Because we get manipulated. They want us to be egos, because those are the best soldiers to use in a war. We are taught to not care when we kill strangers. We are taught to not hear their screams. Their cry for help and understanding.
We are taught to hate. We are taught to forget about the true purpose of life. We forget about respect, kindness, trust. We even consider them to be silly and immature.
Adult movies. Porns. Soft-porn, hard-porn, and child porn.
Mature? That is really considered to be mature?
Those who see a woman (whether it's a girl, a sister, a daugher, a girlfriend, or a mother) as a whore, already forgot about what it means to respect. Those who buy women with money, haven't realized that money is nothing more than paper and metal, believed to me more worth than unique lives. There are billions of bills and coins. But unique means there's only one. And anything alive is unique. Plants, animals, humans, land. We get taught to trade something dead with something alive. We influence the future life of that one person alive we bought with money. Noone really cares about that fact. But they will keep doing it anyway and support hate.
I don't have power to change that. My life is too connected to their moods and money.
When they're like raping me, I can't do a shit about it. Only watching it and waiting till it's over. I know they'll get away with it. Even if they do get arrested, what's gonna change? They'll only wait for the moment when they can get out the jail again to rape more women, men, children, or even animals. In fact, the time they'll spend without having sex makes them WANT to have it even more than ever before.
When they're like shooting me, I can't do a shit about it either. Weapons are invented, popular, and allowed to use. Sick video games, movies, and stories already teach children to kill. They teach them that killers are heroes. Killing.
When they're like ignoring me, I also can't do a shit about it.
"Takes some pills." "Do drugs." "Go suicide."
I'm nothing. But I'm there, anyway. So I must be something.
Why do I do art? It's the one and only medium I've found to tell stories. My voice is unheard, but my images are seen. Pictures can be a language understood by any country. Art is a freedom. It doesn't separate countries, it unites them. It's knowledge and experience to trade, and to learn from.
It can touch. It can hurt. And of couse, it can be a lot of fun too!
Art is a journey. It's a way of life.
And it's a way of life without killing someone else's.
School makes me pissed pretty much now. So many lies, so much wasting of time. They still try to manipulate me, and teach me their own stuff instead of some I actually want to learn to become an artist.
But it probably won't happen that I'll learn art at school.
Who cares, I had to learn anything I know about art from artists and own experiences I had outside of school anyway.
I know these teachers at school are not gonna change. They're taught to not to.
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) and in my case it made me an arrogant person who couldn't even be emotionally crushed by an 18-wheeler.
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