Abe's Final Journey!

Fuzzleman54321 · #1 10-25-2005, 02:28 PM

HI. This is another one of my fan fics: Abe's Final Jouney.

Here goes!

Chapter 1

Abe grouned as he walked back from a factory he had just destroyed. "Eh what a day! 98 sligs chasing me, Mudokons shouting "HEY ITS ABE!!!!" Attracting the glukkons to their attaction, And a slog tore of my lion cloth!" Abe said to him self, with a barrel round his waist. After an Exasting 2 hours, Abe fell into his tent in the mudokon village, collasped on his bed and fell asleep.

The next day Abe Shot up from his bed! He heard a howl. A scarb pack ran through the village. "Alright you all know the drill. come into the scarb shelter and keep your traps shut!!!" Abe heard Alf Say. Everyone made it except for a little mudokon child. Abe rushed out and grabbed him. The scarb fleet came close, and Abe had no choise but to throw the child to the shelter. He hdent lived his life yet. Abe was knocked down by the herd. Everyone heard Abe scream then there was silence. Abe was killed.

End of chapter 1

So what do you think?

Salamander · #2 10-25-2005, 10:43 PM

good, but thats it then? abes dead, how can he have a journey now?

Fuzzleman54321 · #3 10-26-2005, 10:01 AM

Dude wait till i right chapter 2.
You will see what happens.

Fuzzleman54321 · #4 10-27-2005, 03:01 PM

Do you want me to continue this? It seems that noone likes it.

xx_xx_0dd · #5 10-27-2005, 04:23 PM

Pretty good, but you should try to make the next one longer, if you could.

Salamander · #6 10-27-2005, 06:40 PM

continue it please, just make the chapters longer

T-nex · #7 10-27-2005, 09:24 PM

I liked that first part of you story... Even made me laughs a bit

But the second part seems a bit rushed out... You should try describing things such as emotions, and feelings more... Otherwise this could turn out to be good