New : Omni's Story

[•[cyrus]•]

• Chapter 1

Morning came about the Raikez Mudokon villige, and the tribe's best Tomahawker, Omni , walked outside his windmill-hut and went behind it. He found a few dead flowers , then sat down holding his tomahawk out as if it were as light as a feather. Then as he sat he began to meditate-chant. As he did , he began to rise about a foot in mid-air , then haulted were he was. A few seconds after he rose. His chant made the flowers revive themselves and blossom more beutiful than ever.As Omni stopped chanting , he slowely drifted to the ground and got up. "Well that was a good start for morning work ",He said as he started to stretch his arms. Then suddently a crawling slig arose from the forest. " YOU !! YES YOU ! THE UGLY ONE WITH THE HAIR!!!!", the slig said in a raspy voice."Who do you think your tlking to.....Crawly!",Omni yelled back."NEVER MIND THAT!!!HERE PICK ME UP ON YOUR SHOULDERS!!!", the slig said as he crawled up to him. So Omni picked him up as he grunted."Now YOU DIE!!!!!!",Screemed the Slig as it started to bite Omni. " Get The Hell Of Me!!!!!!",Omni yelled. Then a mudokon mudarcher sniped the slig two times , one time in his back and one in the eye glass. The first shot went deep into the slig's back and the other broke the red reader glass , going into it's eye. "CURSE YO....................",it began to say , but then died. The mudokon began to approach Omni , as Omni glanced at him. "Omni!, Glad to help out!",The mudokon said. "O! I'ts you Xian",Omni said in relief." Damn! my Quarma went down a point for Killing that Slig!",(Mudokon101:no i don't mean Quarma like in the game; Quarma in this story means Soul points that determine It's side-good or evil;50%-50%)Xian grumbled." Hey do you here a beeping sound?", Xian Asked Omni."Yeah I hear it too ",Omni replied."It's coming from over there,The forest the slig came from",Omni told Xian.So they both ran over to the forest and found a few Slig landmines! "XIan try to throw a rock at one",Omni told Xian.Xian picked up a rock about the size of a spooce, Tossed it to the one of the landmines, and it blew up!" this is bad, Landmines in the Raikez forest",Xian half whispered half shouted. "Lets go inform Shamen, these could be all over the place!!",said Xian in an untolerentable voice. They both ran back to the villige , then to the shamen's hut. When they got there they both walked inside slowley. " Er.... Shamen , sorry to disrupt you, but Sligs are placeing landmines in the forest",Omni said in a reportive voice. " We musn't let mudokons in there ! ", Xian said in a sudden voice behind Omni.
" Yes ..... well we shall start a rainmaker ceremony to set of the landmines , and then get tree growers to revive dead and burnt trees ", Shamen comanded. " what about the sligs ,one attacked us this morning!!",Omni exclaimed." that was their first move , we make no moves untill their determined second", Shamen told Omni and Xian."we will start the rain ceremony tomorow morning ", Shamen informed them.Omni and Xian walked outside Shamen's hut and both stared to the forest. " Lets go eat dinner , we havn't eaten anything all day ",Xian told Omni. "K....were goin to the central feast erea",Omni informed Xian. So daylight fell as night came , and everybody in the villige lit their ground torch's and went to the feast erea. When they got there , there were lots of type's of food ; Gi White berries , Certain kind of meats , and other fruits . Omni and Xian got slate rocks for plates ,got some meat and berries and sat down. They began to eat and the Shamen informed everyone about the mines and rain ceremony. "Everyone! Stay out of the forest , for it has been plaqued opon with small machines that cause great destruction...Tomorow morning we will have a rain ceremony to deploy them, and all tree growers report to the Big Kahoone, Sief , for further instructions , and warriors of all kinds report to me ", the shamen said out loud.

• tell me if you like it!!!Please

[ December 11, 2001: Message edited by: Mudokon101 ]

[•[cyrus]•]

this is a re-do of OMNI'S STORY

[Monkey-Man2000]

Good, good.

[Sl'askia]

word of advice, just because no one is replying to your fic doesn't mean no one is reading it. Peeps here seem to have a phobia of replying to fics (believe me I know...so does Teal and Rettick).
In other words I was reading your old one. I would give you tips for future fics...but I have server(sp) writers block and my brain won't let me write anything constructive.
But as you wish I shall delete the old topic for you in 5...4....3....

Edit: 2...1...its gone. Oh and I did think of some writing advice.
When you type a fic, separate it into different paragraphs. It makes for easier reading. For example:

Instead of writing it like this:

Morning came about the Raikez Mudokon villige, and the tribe's best Tomahawker, Omni , walked outside his windmill-hut and went behind it. He found a few dead flowers , then sat down holding his tomahawk out as if it were as light as a feather. Then as he sat he began to meditate-chant. As he did , he began to rise about a foot in mid-air , then haulted were he was. A few seconds after he rose. His chant made the flowers revive themselves and blossom more beutiful than ever.As Omni stopped chanting , he slowely drifted to the ground and got up. "Well that was a good start for morning work ",He said as he started to stretch his arms. Then suddently a crawling slig arose from the forest. " YOU !! YES YOU ! THE UGLY ONE WITH THE HAIR!!!!", the slig said in a raspy voice."Who do you think your tlking to.....Crawly!",Omni yelled back.

Write it like this:

Morning came about the Raikez Mudokon villige, and the tribe's best Tomahawker, Omni , walked outside his windmill-hut and went behind it. He found a few dead flowers , then sat down holding his tomahawk out as if it were as light as a feather. Then as he sat he began to meditate-chant. As he did , he began to rise about a foot in mid-air , then haulted were he was. A few seconds after he rose. His chant made the flowers revive themselves and blossom more beutiful than ever.As Omni stopped chanting , he slowely drifted to the ground and got up.
"Well that was a good start for morning work ",He said as he started to stretch his arms. Then suddently a crawling slig arose from the forest.
" YOU !! YES YOU ! THE UGLY ONE WITH THE HAIR!!!!", the slig said in a raspy voice.
"Who do you think your tlking to.....Crawly!",Omni yelled back.

Also be careful when you use the commas...don't overuse them. If you have MS Word or some other text program that has a spell/grammar checker, type your fic in that and run the spell/grammer checker program when you are done.
I am not trying to tell you how to write...these are just tips from an experenced writer. Other then that you got a good fic here.

[ December 11, 2001: Message edited by: Dragadon ]

[•[cyrus]•]

Thank you Dragadon and Monkeyman2000, I did a new one because the other one was kind of boring and short........O yeah, Dragadon did you delete the other one >it's /Mudokon101 : Omni's story/ if not please delete it...

• Chapter 2

The next morning Xian went to Omni's house to get him up, but found that Omni was already awake. "lets get a good meatsack ready , because Shamen is probably going to assign us and the rest of the Raikez warriors a patrol area or guard station ",Omni told Xian in a ready-to-go voice. "Xian, grab me two of those smaller meat sacks ",said Omni as he grabed a sling-shot and a rock sack for long-range attacks. So Xian grabed 2 small meat sacks, gave one to Omni, and they both tied them to their loin-cloths. After preparing , they both ran over to Shamen's hut and to their suprize, All of the others were there."Ah....Omni and Xian, some of our best warriors..glad you came",Shamen greeted them."Ok all of you will be asigned in groups of two...so if you are a mudarcher, get together with a tomahawker......Spearmudokons,you all shall follow me to the edge of the forest guarding for any scrabs or sneaky paramites that want to pick off of the tree growers....report back here for further instructions with your fellow mudokon after the rain maker ceremony",Shamen instructed. Omni and Xian looked over to the Big Kahoone giving instructions to the tree growers and Xian said softly,"They have a lot of work to do after those mines set off.........but they have an easier post".Omni looked back over to Shamen and Big Kahoone(after giving instructions to the Tree growers)walking over to the rain maker shrine with a few other chosen mudokons.Then suddently A big Bro Slig with an army of Machine gun sligs(About the same amount of Warrior mudokons)following him out of the forest."YOU KILLED CRAWLY ZACK , NOW YOU ALL ARE GOING TO DIE!", the Big Bro Slig yelled." PLAN B IS FIGHT FOR RAIKEZ WARRIORS!",Shamen commanded."Mudarchers go up to the towers and snipe sligs, Tomahawkers , WE FIGHT",Shamen said to the warriors as he pulled out a a long,sort of fancy sword.The Sligs began to shoot and Omni and the other tomahawkers blocked with their tomahawks. Xian and the other mudarchers sniped as many sligs as they could aim which was one or two here and there(Concidering the sligs were fast). One mudarcher was killed already by an armored Slig. So Omni ran out to battle the slig army , killed two or three untill the Big Bro Slig walked up to him , pushed him down and said in a growl,"SO YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LIKES KILLING SLIGS HUH .....Take thi....".But then Shamen ran up to him , and piered his sword through the BB Slig!! "Omni go back in the shadows and possess Sligs!",He comanded. So Omni did and possessed a few, but other Sligs new they were possessed and shot the Possessed Sligs.Suddently a Small flying Slig flew in from over the forest , so Omni possessed him. As soon as Omni had controll , he threw bombs down at the few Sligs left. Then a few Sligs(6) tryed to retreat , but Omni fly over to them and bombed them. Mudokons began to cheer, The battle was over but the war was soon yet to come.

When the Mudokons came down from the towers , everyone started to clean up the left over corpses. Tomahawker after Mudarcher came up to Omni to congradualate him, and finally his best friend Xian, who had a portion of his arm wrapped in cloth from taking a bullet," Wow Omni you ended a Battle....Congradulations." Shamen came up to Omni and said softly,"Omni can I see you for a moment Please"."Why sure Shamen",Omni replied.So Omni followed shamen Shamen back to his hut and once inside turned to him. He touched a golden armlett on his arm and said,"Omni....do you see this armlett...Tis the CHANTER'S ARMLETT , a relic given to me by one of the greatest warriors in the world...and now ... tis yours". "But Shamen ... how are you going to get it off?",Omni questioned."Watch and learn so you know what to do when you pass it down",Shamen said in an instant.Shamen got a small knife , cut himself , got a small potery bowl then pored his blood into the bowl and then to Omni's arm. In an instant the blood positioned itself in the shape of the armlett."Omni chant as I do",He comanded.So they both chanted and then the armlett disappeared from Shamen's arm , and then re-appeared on Omni's on the place the blood was."now you have TRUE power",Shamen said..............

• Well, there it is!!

[ December 12, 2001: Message edited by: Mudokon101 ]

[•[cyrus]•]

DOES'NT ANYONE READ THESE CAUSE IF NOT I'LL STOP WRITING THEM.....!!!!!!!!