The Strange Beginnings...

[GrubbGuardian]

Alright, I decided to write my own fan fic. This is my first one, so if it sucks, tell me nicely. It's basically a prequel to Stranger's Wrath. I'm gonna try to avoid spoilers by not making it start too early (if you've beaten SW, you'll know what I mean), but it will be pretty early in the storyline.

Strange Beginnings


Chapter 1

How It Started (Part one)

"Don't you got any other weapons?" Stranger asked the store clerk.
"Nope, just guns. And if you're too much of a wimp to use 'em, I guess you'll have to make your own weapons."
"You ain't one to talk. Every Clakker I've met has been nothin' but a coward.
The clerk sighed. "Tell ya what, if you're able to make a decent weapon, I'll sell ammo for it here.
Sighing, Stranger walked out of the store. "Well, nothing left to do but make a weapon."
After going through a few ideas, he decided a crossbow was the best choice. Now came the hard part: making it.
First, he had to gather the materials (the metal pieces were the hardest to find). Then, he had to assemble them into a crossbow. Just for good measure, he made it double-barreled. Now all he needed to do was find some ammo.
Looking around, he spied a rock. "This'll do for now. Time to head back to town and get myself a bounty."

Alright, post your comments on this. Like I said, it's my first fic, so don't be too harsh if it sucks.

[Dave]

It doesn't suck, but it certainly isn't Prize-Winning material, either.
This is a tough undertaking, writing a prequel to a story with characters that are totally not your own. And that's cool, I say go for it.
But there isn't enough to it to make a full-fledged story out of it. You don't go into enough detail.
The way you started - with the Stranger in a weapon shop, and no sort of preamble to the situation- is fine. Stick with it.

Tip: Try to give a personality to every character, even if it's a character that only appears once. Example: the clakker weapon clerk. He's got a bit of attitude, which is evident in his " ... if you're too much of a wimp to use 'em" line. But what else is he doing? Shifting his feet, rubbing his head, scratching his ass, giving Stranger dirty looks, not paying attention, what? Try to make all your characters interesting. It'll make readers want to read it more.

Tip: Explain the Stranger's thought proccess. How did he settle on a crossbow? What went through his mind when he was coming up with ideas? And did he stand outside of the store to think this out, or did he go somewhere to ponder it? Including these details will not only beef up the length of your chapters, but it will also make it a more interesting read.

Tip: Tell the reader where the Stranger found his materials. It's easy to just say "He went and found some materials." and leave it at that. But that leaves you thinking "Where did he get the materials? What materials did he use? How did he design it? What exactly does this crossbow look like? How do you make a double barreled crossbow, anyway?" Know what I mean?

Tip: Try to make simple sentences sound more complex. It's a little weird to explain exactly what I mean, so let me give you an example.
Original: Looking around, he spied a rock.
Suggestion: Desperate to find something he might be able to use, he quickly searched the ground for some likely ammunition ... and settled on a good-sized stone sticking out of the dirt.
Do you see what I mean?

You have my encouragement. If you can piece this story together with Stranger's Wrath, then it'll be worth it to read a finished product. Try not to sell your readers short on the detail, and it'll be a better read. It'll take more work, sure, but if you want to impress people with a story you wrote, would you rather do just okay, or would you like to do something great?

[odd chick]

Yeah, I agree with Dave. The story doesn't suck at all, in my opinion! It's far from that, but it could definitely use some work. The two main things that I think could use work are the character development and the details and descriptions, just like Dave said before. Other than that, it's pretty good. Keep it up!

[Shrink]

it has potential, though I feel that your prequel should tell us what happened when leading up to the event you describe. What you describe seems to be telling us what happened about two seconds before Stranger's Wrath starts.
Why does he want to hunt down Bounties?
How did he hide his legs to get into a town and speak to a Clakker?

Of course, if you story is set in the time when all of this was established, then you don't need to cover it...