Joke thread

[Biggy Bro Slig]

Tell loads of jokes for people to read, laugh, and put more on!
Heres some:

Which day do monsters eat people?
Chewsday!

What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein!

Like them?
How about write some yourself!

[Nate]

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man.



There you go, my best and worst joke in one post.

[Abeguy]

What is big, green, furry, has ten legs and has fangs the size of my hand

dunno, but it just jumped off your back

[Fuzzle Guy]

What's black and white: A Zebra

[mawk]

This is a prime example of false advertising.

This thread should OBVIOUSLY be named "lose the will to live thread".

You should all feel ashamed of yourselves for such blatantly fool-baked actions, marinated in errors, slowly grilled over the smoldering embers of failure, juuuust lightly sprinkled with the zest of mistakes, and finished off with a smattering of oops.

Who's the super-cook now? Who's the chef daddy bitch? Tastiest. Error. Evar.

It's art in the face adversity, the light of dark times people.

[Oddish]

What's brown and makes a noise?

Dung!

What do you call a small wave?

Microwave

What dose the parite say to the the tree eyed captin?

I, I ,I captin

[OANST]

I'm warning you before you go on that I tell awfull and disgusting jokes. If you feel like might get offended please don't read on.

Q. What do you get when you stab a baby?
A. An erection.

Q What is the worst thing about having a four year old girlfriend?
A. Getting the blood off of your clown costume.

Q. What's better than having sex with an eight year old chinese boy?
A. Nothing!

[Nate]

Q. What do you do after screwing an eight-year-old girl?
A. Turn her over and pretend she's and eight-year-old boy.


I can't beleive I'm admitting to knowing that joke.


Q. What's two foot tall and has trouble going round corners?
A. A baby with a javelin through its head.

[The Shadowman]

Truely horrifying jokes. Sorta like the kind of jokes only mass murders laugh at. You know the kinda jokes that go like "there was a murder and his victum walking toward the dark woods. The victim grips the murder's hand real tight and says 'please mister don't make me go in there'. Then the murder turns to the victim and says 'Your worried, I'm going to be walking out by myself" kinda jokes.

[Biggy Bro Slig]

These jokes make me shiver....

[sligster]

these jokes rulz0rz!

[mawk]

What's black and white: A Zebra

Variation:

What's black and THEN white?

Michael Jackson.

[Smell]

Variation:

What's black and THEN white?

Michael Jackson.

That's the only one that made me laugh.

[Necrum Miner]

Okay, there's two muffins in an oven. One of them says "Boy, is it hot in here", then the other one says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

...Well, it made me laugh at least...

[dripik]

Good ones. Here's some more.


Q: Why did the policeman dig two holes into the ground?
A: Because the first one was too small.

This was a typical Hungarian policeman-joke.


The moody pig is at the doctor.
- Doctor, a camel has kicked me.
- Where has it kicked you?
- In the desert, damnit!

And a 'moody pig' joke.

[mawk]

That's the only one that made me laugh.

Jacko says "doesn't matter if you're black or white".

I say "chameleon equality!"

Okay, there's two muffins in an oven. One of them says "Boy, is it hot in here", then the other one says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

...Well, it made me laugh at least...

Yeah that was pretty good.

[The Shadowman]

Yeah those ones are pretty funny, please more!

[mawk]

A drummer walks into a shop and says to the man behind the counter "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitars please".

The man behind the counter looks at him funny for a minute and says "You're a drummer aren't you?".

The drummer says "Yeah, how did you know that?".

The man behind the counter replies "This is a fish and chip shop mate."

[Splat]

Strange.

"Tell me honestly doctor, how long have I got?"
"Ten."
"Ten what? Ten days? Months?"
"8... 7... 6... 5..."

i'm in a doctor, doctor mood.

Doc: "Good news my man, you'll live to be 80!"
"But I already am 80!"
"In that case, it was nice knowing you mate."

And to finish:

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"
"Is it blonde? We're missing a waitress!"

Oh, and my own variation on the black/white.

What's black, white and red all over?
A zebra in a blender

[Biggy Bro Slig]

This is getting too sick and horrible for my kind of thread, I thought it would be fun, but it's turned out horrible!

[Rich]

Mawk's drummer joke () wasn't sick and horrible.

it's turned out horrible!

The jokes on you

[Biggy Bro Slig]

Ok, not that one, Noor splat and a few more, I mean Mawks Micheal Jackson Joke.

[Rich]

I mean Mawks Micheal Jackson Joke

I found that funny. Because Jackson deserves what he gets. He fiddles with kiddies you know...

[Smell]

Boring one I was told yestarday.
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug

[Esus]

Heres one:
PERSON 1: You make me sick. Physically and mentally sick.

PERSON 2: Is that all true?

PERSON 1: Yes. Apart from the bit about mental illness.

PERSON 2: Ah.
-end

I think you had to've been there...

[Rich]

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug

Slightly crapper than yours:

What do you call a man with leaves on his head?
Russel...

[mawk]

Ok, not that one, Noor splat and a few more, I mean Mawks Micheal Jackson Joke.

I have no time for plastic chameleon paedophiles.

Hey that would actually make a pretty cool band name... I can see it now, "The Plastic Chameleon Paedophiles on tour!"....

Or maybe not? Hmm...

[Rich]

I can see it now, "The Plastic Chameleon Paedophiles on tour!"....

It's got a certain ring to it.

[mawk]

It's got a certain ring to it.

It needs to be the Plastic Chameleon Scientists or something less um... paedophile related.

[Smell]

The Plastic Chameleon Fiddlers

They could play the fiddle.