Who'd win a cage-match?

[Statikk HDM]

With all of these prez candidates running around we've seen a lot of important issues raised, but one issue that needs to be raised is "Who is the arse-kickingest candidate out there?" Here is a rundown on who'd win in a cage match.
John Kerry:Even. A seasoned Nam vet, he didn't desert his country during war-time unlike other candidates I could mention. He's still in pretty good shape, and probably knows 18 ways to disembowl an opponent with his bare hands. He was agains the war, however, and might have gotten soft. And, he is only of average build. Can he withstand the force of nature that is Howard "Paunch" Dean in full The Rage mode?(tm)
Howard Dean: 2-1. If Kerry's got momentum, Dean's got sheer righteous anger. If he manages to get a couple dirty blows on Kerry, he can open up a 55-gallon drum of hatred and kickassery pretty much unimpeded. The biggest knock is that he's got no endurance and isn't likeable. What if a bunch of guys gang up on 'em?
Gore: 2-1. This guy is pissed BAD. Can you imagine winning the popular vote by almost half a million votes, winning the vast majority of overvotes in Florida, and then losing the election to a corrupt trust fund baby an chickenhawk? All I can say is 3 words: Bush is F.U.C.K.E.D. Also, he could always decide to go on a tag-time rampage with Dean and take the veep position.
Al Sharpton: 3-1. Though he sucks balls at compaigning, he's a huge pissed off man ready to take it whitey. He's probably got almost as much rage as Dean, too, seeing as he's been made fun of for sucking at compaigning so badly. Plus, he seems to think Bush is satan, which always helps a guy get primed for ass-whuppin'.
bush: 4-1. This chickenhawks only hope is the promise of money, money, and more money. If he can convert a couple of lousy Dems to his side like Al"I'm Big-boned, Dammit" Sharpton, Edwards, and Kucinich he could do all right.
The other guys like Kucinich and Edwards all seem like major pansys so if anyone has an inkling on how these guys would act I'd love to hear it. Basically, I think they'de just be pawns and cannon fodder for whoever is raising the most Hell.

[Majic]

None of them. Mr. T would bust in halfway through with a 12 pack of whoop ass. Thus, we come across the first black president. With our newfound leader, the world is lead into a prosperous state of joy and happiness. Superb, no?

[oddguy]

I think Dean could scare the crap outta anyone with that squeel of his.

Kerry acts tough and looks it.

Sharpton could kick butt...if he was a blip on anybodies radar. Ouch!

Lieberman would say he was the toughest guy in the ring, but would most likely find a way to avoid getting in it.

Bush would accuse the other men of trying to use Weapons of Mash Destructshun on him...(spelled wrong on purpose)

-oddguy

[GrigtheSlig]

What about Clark? Did you all forget he's running too? I think Clark could probably take Lieberman, and Kerry easily.(Not at the same time, though.) Edwards would put up a good fight, but lose in the end. Dean and Sharpton would either rip Clark to pieces, or kill themselves... But Bush... I think he probably fights dirty!

[Al the Vykker]

Bush would win for persuading the american public that these candidates were terrorists, and that they helped hide the weapons of mass destruction in the United States...

[GrigtheSlig]

Very true Al... I told you Bush was tricksey, I told you Bush was false... But that's just my opinion. But how would the candidates hide WMD's? They're watched too closely...

[Al the Vykker]

Lets see how the hid them in the U.S. ...

Well, perhaps they first told Bush these were some of the Weapons of Mass Destruction that Bush had ordered we have in our own arsenal.