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  #1  
05-10-2009, 03:59 AM
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Oddworld The Four Dominions

Here's a fanfic I decided to create. Based on the Dynasty Warriors series, I'm trying to create a hybrid fanfic/game style experience which will cater to Oddworld fans. It's about four Slig communities and how they interact with each other. I also base this on the Terry Pratchett novels, primarily with regards to different clans and how they function in one town.

Sit down, relax and enjoy

= * = * =

The Four Dominions

Chapter 1: The Founding of the Four Dominions

Fifty years ago, there was a great battle. The newly formed Fayrot district was fraught with trouble from the very beginning. The town hall was breached several times and corruption was everywhere. There was theft, vandalism... even murder. Eventually the bloodshed reached an unbelievable scale. Within one night, twenty adult Sligs were murdered. An entire egg shipment was blown up, containing five hundred Slig eggs. This was too much for the town to handle. Eventually, hundreds of Slig unions were formed. These unions were always fighting each other, never calling any kind of truce. Eventually it culminated in one gigantic war. At this point there were only five remaining unions.

The battle was fierce, two of the unions started fighting and the rest followed soon after. A storm raged, pelting the entire battlefield with rain and wind. The storm picked up and the lightning started appearing. Sligs were getting shot, electrocuted by the lightning and being beaten to death. Eventually there were only five Sligs left standing, one from each faction.

One Slig dressed in a Purple garment was heavily injured by an arrow. He used his last words to tell the other union leaders to stop this war and call a truce. The Slig died, leaving behind the four leaders. At first, they did nothing but stare at each other. This lasted a long time. Finally, one of the leaders walked towards the center of the battlefield, throwing his sword to the ground. The other union leaders did the same. They formed an uneasy truce, for fifty years this truce has been held and has never been broken.

This was the formation of the four dominions.

Chapter 2: Dominions Revealed

Within the New Oddington district of Fayrot, there are four main powers which act as the law of the surrounding area. They carry out their own style of justice, law and business. Each co-operated as much as possible, leaving nothing to form bad ties with the other dominions. Their truce had come after so much bloodshed, it was only natural to keep it.

The first dominion is that of the Brava. It was the descendant of the Brava clan that first suggested forming a truce. They wear the red coloured uniforms proudly and boast fierce fighting potential. In terms of physical strength, they are second to none. Their forces are always trained in close-combat, building up the physical body with intensive work-out regimes. Previously they were a union of hunting parties, they frequently deal with the native animals of Oddworld and formed the butcher and animal market in Fayrot.

The loyal dominion of Prida, respected and feared by all. They set up the first judicial system and laws. While some would say they shy away from combat, actually the reverse is true. The Prida enjoy battles, but try to protect their own members as much as possible. Their warriors tend to be clad in heavy blue armor, they also carry long spears. They were the first defense of the Fayrot district, they still own a majority of the secure castle positions across the city.

The Fortuna dominion was initially a union of gardeners, and this shows. Their green cloaks and hats typically represent both nature and the older style of long range combat. While prominent leaders hold guns, most rookies are equipped with wooden bows and a staff. As an apprentice, they use a silver crossbow with metallic bolts. The silver crossbow is specifically engraved to each particular member. When a member leaves the union, their crossbow is melted down to be used in the crafting process once more.

Finally, the Honora dominion. They wear yellow bandanas and carry long curved daggers. Their system of honor and loyalty is beyond any other union. Being accountants beforehand, they founded the money system that is currently in use in the Fayrot district. They never take a promise lightly. If you make a promise with a Honora member, they are very unlikely to break it. Honora union graduates typically display respect, manners and some fighting skills. Each fighter is awarded their own secondary name upon graduation.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-10-2009 at 04:06 AM..
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  #2  
05-10-2009, 08:50 AM
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Interesting... The way the clans are described really paints the picture.
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  #3  
05-10-2009, 11:50 AM
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this is good AlexFili, i especially like the Prida.

the battle was told like an old legend, very interesting.
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  #4  
05-10-2009, 12:28 PM
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Thank you, here's a little teaser for things to come;

= * = * =

Chapter 3: Present Company

It was a hot day, it was reaching the hottest day of the year. The wind was picking up, the grass was shaking and being blown around the field. A lone Slig was sat beside a tree. Warro was licking an iced losykel, he tried his best not to get it onto his tentacles or his red shirt. It was only at that point that he noticed his three friends waving to him. He sat up and waved at them to come over. His longsword making a clattering noise as he waved.

Park was smiling, his blue armor gleaming in the sunlight. He kept his spear tied to his back. Tury walked behind him, his green cloak was brushing against the tall grass. He was probably one of the most calm Sligs that you would ever have the pleasure of meeting. He was quite fond of his silver crossbow, he kept it slung across his shoulder. His aim is superb, his dedication to his duty is very commendable. To his side, stood the vision of beauty that was Nara. Nara wore a yellow bandana, ending with a black ribbon. Her body was well built, her curved dagger was resting playfully on her golden belt. She gave Warro a smile and then sat down next to him.

Nara looked towards Warro, "Good day Warro Brava, are you well?". Warro smiled, "Yeah, Thanks Nara", she always called Warro by his full name, no matter how much he protested. Nara smiled. Tury placed his crossbow on the ground, "Are you ready for the battle tonight?". Warro nodded, "Born ready. Got enough bolts?". Tury nodded, Park chuckled. "Just so you know, Warro, I'll defeat you in combat if you are my opponent". Warro smiled, "Wouldn't have it any other way. What about you, Nara?". Nara gave a knowing smile, "I will use my full power to subdue you without injuring any internal organs. It is my destiny to win". Warro shook his head, "You must say that to every Slig". Nara gave a little giggle.

It was afternoon, the crowds were gathering outside the White Stadium. Warro, Park, Tury and Nara were all looking at each other. They wished each other good luck and walked to the entrace.
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  #5  
05-10-2009, 12:38 PM
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i'm definately reading the next chapter.
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  #6  
05-11-2009, 04:25 PM
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Here is the next part. I probably won't be writing any chapters for this week as I have exams. Anyway, hope you enjoy this bit.

= * = * =

Chapter 4: Luck of the Draw

The announcer was almost ready to speak. He grabbed the microphone and cleared his throat. "Alright everybody, welcome to the 50th annual testing circuit! Many thanks to our sponsors and all of the Sligs who applied to join. It wasn't possible for every single applicant to be chosen for the main stage, those Sligs will perform their own tests outside of the public view. For those of you who DO get a chance at fame and fortune, the winner will get a prestige medal and two weeks worth of moolah". The crowd cheered, there were a lot of Sligs from all the dominions. The current leaders were sat on thrones in the center of the stands. The announcer continued, "Onto business, I will call out the names of the Sligs chosen to compete. Please make your way to the entrance of the arena to begin registration... The chosen Sligs are; Park and Rao of Prida, Une and Tury of Fortuna, Nara and Mern of Honora and finally, Maru and Kardo of Brava".

Park was looking at Warro. Warro's face fell as he realised he hadn't been picked this year. Tury put his hand on Warro's shoulder, "It's alright, there's always..."

Suddenly the announcer turned the microphone back on, "Hold on folks, one of our warriors is unfit to compete in tonight's games... Maru of Brava will not be able to take part in the trails tonight. He regrets not being able to make it and wishes everyone a good time". Warro looked up towards the announcer box, the announcer continued. "Well, it seems we'll have to pick another", after a few minutes of discussion, the announcer spoke again, "It's been decided that Warro Brava will take the place of Maru. Congratulations Warro, get up here!". Warro smiled and jumped for joy. Tury and Park smiled. Nara pointed towards the stage, "Come on, let us go to the arena". The four Sligs walked towards the entrance to the arena.

One of the outsider Sligs approached a stadium guard. "Excuse me, can you tell me... are the Brava competitors related?". The guard chuckled, "Ha ha, that's an outsider's mistake. Sorry, each of the dominions has it's own name. Each new graduate is assigned a surname based on the dominion they serve. Oh wait, the Honora dominion also supply a middle name to the highest ranking members". The outsider smiled, "Thank you very much officer!".
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  #7  
05-12-2009, 10:41 AM
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Who could this outsider be? A fiend? A plot mover? Or just a random guy with no future role?

I don't know. I still look forward to the next chapter though.
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  #8  
05-12-2009, 11:44 AM
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I wrote a lot of these in a row today, so I'm going to be posting them sparingly over the next week, due to my hectic exam schedule. Oddey, the answer to all your question is... "all of the above", lol. I'll leave everyone to decide whether its a red herring or foreshadowing.

I'm glad you like this fanfic so far, I'm having fun writing it. The fight scenes seem to get written very quickly for me, so I'm hoping to make it quite action packed. I wrote most of this story while watching Johnny Mnemonic last night I was going to post Chapter 5 and 6, but I think that 6 and 7 would be better kept together Enjoy!

= * = * =

Chapter 5: Entrants Assembled

Of the entrants standing in the row, Park was the tallest. Rao was like Park, but had slightly more muscle mass than him. Nara was holding her curved dagger loosely. Mern was holding his dagger in his left hand, he was looking towards the stands. Tury was holding his crossbow to his side, so was Une. Une gave Tury a cheeky smile from the side of her mouth. Tury blushed but remained focused. Warro and Kardo were excitedly talking to each other.

The announcer turned the microphone back on. "Alright everbody, we have decided the order in which fights will take place. The match order will be; Rao vs Warro, Park vs Mern, Tury VS Nara, Une vs Kardo. All entrants please move to the arena floor".

The fighters moved to the four arena sections in order to fight their opponent, the announced spoke once more. "Okay everyone, this is what we've been waiting for. I would ask the chosen to not use lethal force during the match. You can win by knockout, pin or by throwing them out of the ring. On the count of three, you are to begin the trials. One, Two, Three".

The crowd erupted in cheering. Warro charged at Rao, his longsword was drawn and he tried to swing at Rao. Rao raised his spear and blocked the blow. Park was counterattacking Mern, who was trying to circle around him. Mern chuckled before trying to attack Park again. Tury was trying to keep his distance with Nara, before trying to aim with his crossbow. Nara however wasn't prepared to let him have any time to aim, so she carefully made sure that he didn't have enough time to aim right. Une was holding her crossbow steady, she was aiming towards Kardo's weapon. Kardo tried to hit her with the sword but she was too fast for him to reach her.

The outsider shifted his leg slightly, he looked at the nearest officer. "Do you work here often?". The officer nodded, "Yup". "Is it a hard job?", "Yup". The outsider shrugged, "You don't talk much do you?", "Nope". The outsider sighed and walked back to his seat.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-15-2009 at 10:32 AM..
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  #9  
05-12-2009, 05:38 PM
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Awesome. You me and Mr.Odd should write a trilogy of books....Just a thought. Cough cough. Or each add all of our stories into one big book....That
sounds quite fun, quite fun indeed. CHAPTER THREE IS UP OF MY STORY! Just saying.
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  #10  
05-13-2009, 05:14 AM
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I can't really seperate Chapter 6 and 7 without it looking a bit disjointed, so for your delight here is Chapter 6 and 7 in one glorious bundle of love. Glad you like it stonetooth, I'll be sure to read your tribal story.

= * = * =

Chapter 6: Trials of Honor

Tury had managed to successfully shoot Nara in the foot of the mechanical pants. Nara slipped and fell on the floor with a thump. Tury walked closer, preparing to pick her up and throw her out of the ring, but Nara span around and kicked him with one of her metal pants legs. Tury bend over in pain. Nara got her dagger and approached Tury. Nara swiped the dagger across the crossbow, destroying the thread mechanism that was used to fire. "Your weapon is useless, do you surrender willingly?". Tury sighed, "I guess so... good match". Tury raised his arms and a loud gong was heard. The announcer spoke, "Oh what a shame, seems like Tury was disarmed and defeated by Nara. Thanks anyway Tury, you have us all a bit of interesting combat". Tury walked off the stage and headed to the losers bench.

Kardo was blocking with his sword again, as Une tried to shoot him. Unfortunately, Kardo realised that the sword he was using to block wasn't nearly strong enough. A few shots later, he could see a crack forming on the hilt. Une shot the sword once more, and it broke into pieces. Kardo was shocked, "Darn it". Kardo had to try and rely on physical combat, he ran towards Une, preparing to grab her. While it looked like she would lose, she sidestepped and knocked him out of the ring with her pants leg. The crowd cheered and another gong was heard. "Kardo is eliminated from the trials". Kardo was annoyed at losing, he sat down on the losers bench.

Chapter 7: Armor and Sword

Park was now on the offensive, he was using his spear to try and knock Mern to the ground. Mern would always come back up though, and he was managing to hit Park's armor quite a few times. Park's armor was starting to get damaged, so he threw off his shoulder pads, in order to give him more room to move. He flexed his spear and then started attacking Mern once more. Mern was getting tired and couldn't dodge all of the blows. Mern was hit on the shoulder and he winced in pain. Mern lay on the ground as the timer counted down. By the tenth count he was still down and was disqualified. "Such a shame, our valiant Mern everyone!", the crowd cheered.

Warro and Rao were trading blows, while Warro's swordplay was fast, he couldn't get past Rao's armor or defensive technique. Eventually Warro was getting tired. "I have to finish this quickly". Warro ran towards Rao, with his sword scraping the ground. Rao wasn't ready to defend, trying to drag his spear down in time. Warro performed a series of complex moves, he sliced part of Rao's spear off in the most vulnerable point, as the spear fell, Warro ran around Rao, slicing at the armor. At first, Rao wasn't sure what happened, a few seconds later, his armor started falling off piece by piece. Warro had managed to slice off all of the hinges and screws holding Rao's armor in place. Rao was now vulnerable to attack. Warro ran towards him and performed a roundhouse kick, knocking Rao off the stage. A gong was heard, "Rao is defeated... that concludes the first round!".

The outsider walked to the nearest officer. The officer smiled at him, "Howdy". The outsider raised an eyebrow, "Do you get paid everytime you talk to us?", "Yup". The outsider was lost for words.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-15-2009 at 10:36 AM..
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  #11  
05-13-2009, 05:25 AM
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I haven't a clue what to say other than I'm still wondering if this outside has anything to do with the plot. His appearance is so well-woven it would seem impossible not to include him again.

I'd wait for your exams to be over before you posted further, if I was you. But I'm not.
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  #12  
05-13-2009, 06:00 AM
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I know, but it's kind of addictive to keep coming here and posting little snippets of my story. I've already posted a lot today, so I'll probably wait a few days before I post the next bit. I'm glad you like this story so far, I guess I'll have to write an outsider part now that you keep mentioning it
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  #13  
05-14-2009, 06:45 AM
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that fight scene was interesting stuff, classy if you know what i mean.
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  #14  
05-14-2009, 07:29 AM
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Here's the next bit! By the way, what characters do you like so far?

= * = * =

Chapter 8: Next Level

"Now, to commence the second round. The matches are; Warro VS Park, Nara VS Une".

Warro and Park were standing next to each other, Warro smiled, "Good luck man". He held out his hand, Park shook it, his black fingerless glove shining from sweat. "Yeah, you too".

Nara and Une were looking at each other. Nara stepped forward and bowed, "Let us have an honorable fight". Une smiled, "We'll see who wins". With that, the gong sounded and the matches began.

Warro and Park both swung their weapons, they clashed in mid air with a loud clanging noise. They continued to swing at each other, each clang drove them onwards, giving them the energy to keep fighting. Park swept his spear towards Warro's feet, but Warro jumped out of the way and kicked Park's chest armor. Park fell to the ground, he gave a short cry of pain, but stood up and held his spear outwards.

Une's method of staying as far from Nara as possible was working well. Une was quicker and didn't take as long to aim as Tury did. It was taking lots of effort for Nara to block all of the crossbow bolts. Nara had a plan though, she was making sure that Une wouldn't be left with any bolts. As Une tried to reload, she realised she didn't have any left in the clip. As she tried to reach for another clip, Nara took her chance and ran towards Une.

Une wasn't ready for a counterattack. As Nara was preparing to slice through the crossbow string, the swipe missed it's target as Une shifted out of the way at the last moment.

A yell of the crowd made everyone look towards Une. Une's crossbow quiver fell to the ground as the rope was cut by Nara's dagger. Nara held the dagger towards Une's throat. "I must apologise, but it appears that I am the winner". Une smiled, "Yes, you did well to beat me". A gong sound was heard, "Oh no! It appears that Une lost! That leaves Warro and Park".

The outsider looked up, "That gong, does that mean it's supper-time already?". His friend shook his head and put his hand on his mask, embarassed by him.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-15-2009 at 10:37 AM..
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  #15  
05-15-2009, 03:50 AM
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Well, it is your fan-fic. It's just, he had a nice and smooth entrance so it would seem odd not to somehow work him into it again. But, whatever. I'll still read this either way.
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  #16  
05-15-2009, 04:41 AM
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More fighting to come. Oddey, just to let you know... your comments are shaping the story in an interesting way

= * = * =

Chapter 9: Trials Complete

While Nara's match had ended, Warro's match had barely begun. The two warriors were swinging their weapons to each other with such ferocity, the very ground of the arena was shaking. It looked like Park had the upper hand, but the heavy armor meant that he was having trouble catching his breath.

Warro leapt forward with his sword. Park parried Warro's attack and swiped with his Spear. The side of the spear hit Warro and he hit the floor. Warro got up quickly and went on the offensive once more. Park was knocked back by a fierce attack, his armor clanged once more.

Park ran towards Warro and they started fighting physically. As both of them got tired, they raised their legs and kicked each other. Both of the fighters were knocked out of the arena.

The crowd cheered, as the announcer spoke once more, "Oh no, looks like a draw. Tough luck guys, maybe next time. That's it everyone! We will be giving out prizes shortly, please prepare for a short interlude". A funny piece of music was being played; this was a crowd pleaser and always got played at these types of events.

The outsider was grabbing a 10 Moolah note. “Can I have, three beers and a bucket of Scrab nuggets?”. The chef Slig replied “Sure”, and handed him his order. “Keep the change”, the outsider said. The outsider walked off to meet up with the rest of his friends.
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  #17  
05-15-2009, 07:57 AM
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There he is again! What on earth is he up to. It's like a guy sitting on a bench looking weird, but you can't just ask, but your curiosity just grows, you can't hold back and you blurt it out.
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  #18  
05-15-2009, 08:03 AM
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i like the fight scenes, and i have no idea how this story is going to play out.

Oddey, that made me laugh.
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  #19  
05-15-2009, 10:31 AM
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Oddey, whatever will you say next?
Apologies for the lame chapter names;

By the way, if you want more of the outsider; read the last paragraphs of the previous sections, I added them in!

= * = * =

Chapter 10: Results

As quickly as the tournament had started, it was all over. Nara, Warro and Park approached the winner's podium. The announcer turned on his microphone. "Now, as the more experienced of you would know, normally we are only left with two winners. However, in this case a draw has led to three competitors on the podium. The judges will now discuss what will happen".

Everyone waited, Warro and Park were just as confused as anyone else. Nara had no idea what would happen next, she turned to Warro. "There is absolutely no way they can not give you an award. In fifty years no one has walked away without anything". Warro nodded, "Well, let's hope you're right". Nara smiled, "I am". Park grinned, "Most of the time".

The microphone was switched on, "Alright everybody, now we shall present the prizes. For Nara Honora, a prestige medal and two weeks wages". A Slig in uniform approached Nara and put a medal around her. She blushed and said "Thank you".

"And now, for Warro and Park. We had to discuss this quite a bit, but we found a solution. We hereby award Warro Brava and Park Prida prestige medal. BOTH contestants will get 1 week's wages!". The crowd cheered and the ground shook as the applause went in waves. Warro was shocked, "I don't believe it, we both win?". Park smiled, "I'll get you next time, Warro". Warro smiled back, "You got it".

The outsider groaned, "Oh sleeping Slogs! I forgot to get the ketchup!". He got up, shrugged to his friends and then walked to the food retailer.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-15-2009 at 10:38 AM..
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  #20  
05-15-2009, 11:40 AM
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If you've read some of the Discworld novels, this outsider sounds like Twoflower. Or at least I think that was his name.
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  #21  
05-15-2009, 12:09 PM
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i've read all of your added paragraphs, and i love the outsider.
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  #22  
05-15-2009, 12:40 PM
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Nope, don't know who that is. Glad you like my story

Edit: I've run out of pre-written chapters. You'll have to wait for me to write loads at once
In the meantime, you can read my prison story

By the way, I still have Tulia's Pack and Intern Radio in the works.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-16-2009 at 12:43 AM..
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  #23  
05-15-2009, 11:23 PM
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He's like tourist with no sense of what's dangerous.

Still waiting for the next chapter.
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  #24  
05-17-2009, 03:06 AM
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I think what I will do is focus on the females of the story first, specifically Nara Honora. I've also started to write the next 'Pack' story from a female perspective at first, hence the name "Tulia's Pack". Hope you like it.

= * = * =

Chapter 11: Recovery

It was a few days later now. Everyone was recovering quite well. For most fighters it was just fatigue, Tury had probably the worst injury, his pride. He'd been knocked out in the first round by Nara. The Fortuna clan typically don't perform well in arena fights, due to the difficulty of finding the right distance to try and aim from. It was his own fault for not practicing close-combat enough.

He was in his room in the Fortuna guild. Nara came along to visit him. "Good day to you Tury Fortuna". Tury looked up, "Oh, good day Nara". Nara looked concerned, "Please cheer up, I did not mean to cause self-doubt in your abilities. You are a long range fighter and I am a close ranger fighter. It is naturally easier for me in the arena than you to win". Tury shrugged, "I guess you're right, but I still need to train in close combat more often". Nara smiled, "I will assist you if you require a training partner". Tury smiled, "Thanks Nara. Are you on watch duty today?". Nara nodded, "That is correct. Honora is on duty for 5 hours. Brava have almost finished their shift now I believe". Nara pulled out a few brand new crossbow strings. "I believe I owe your clan some of these, I apologize for disabling your weapons". Tury smiled, "Hey, no problem. I'll tell Une the good news". Nara smiled, "I will go now". Nara left the room, leaving Tury to rest.

Warro and Maru were talking to each other about the tournament. Maru was chuckling, "Oh, so that's what happened? I wondered why Tury was looking a bit down today. Any damage?". Warro shook his head, "Just a little kink in my armor, I'll get it fixed tonight. This watch is nearly over right?". Maru nodded, "Just got to wait for the bell now. My muscles are aching". Maru was stretching, giving a little moan as he relieved some tension in his back.

The outsider was looking for the guild hall, "Hmmm, is this it? No... it's a bakery". He continued walking north.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-17-2009 at 10:00 AM..
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  #25  
05-17-2009, 09:18 AM
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I still like that outsider far more than eny other character.
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  #26  
05-17-2009, 10:01 AM
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Writing for him is quite easy to do, so you can expect him to be in every single chapter now.

= * = * =

Chapter 12: Honora's Watch

As the bell sounded, Nara went to her guild building. She met up with Oren and Mern from her clan. Oren and Mern bowed to Nara. Oren was in the process of sharpening her dagger, Mern was checking his armour for faults.

Nara smiled, "Are you ready to proceed to the gate?". Oren nodded, "Indeed, I am ready". Mern bowed to them, "Farewell, I wish you luck and honor". Oren nodded, "And may they be with you, Mern Honora".

Nara and Oren proceeded to walk to their guard post. Oren was feeling a bit worn out from her recent trials session. "Nara Honora, do you believe that we are at a disadvantage for being female?". Nara shook her head, "No, that is not something that I believe. We are at an advantage because of our hightened intuition and enhanced speed". Oren nodded, "That is correct".

Oren and Nara were at their guard position. They would have to watch this next area for 5 hours. Only one break would be allocated to them, for 10 minutes. They would have to take turns during this time to make sure that the guard was maintained.

The outsider was still lost. He was looking around madly for a guild hall signpost, but he couldn’t find anything. “Where the heck is it?!”.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-18-2009 at 12:20 PM..
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  #27  
05-18-2009, 10:27 AM
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Why is the outsider's speech more comparable to modern language than the rest of the sligs? It's doesn't really detract from such a good story, but I just noticed.
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  #28  
05-18-2009, 10:40 AM
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i'm still reading.

and i'm not bored
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  #29  
05-18-2009, 12:22 PM
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There are two reasons why the outsider sounds different;
1) First of all, he's an outsider. Generally this means he has different behaviour patterns, vocabulary, etc.
2) He is particularly different to the Honora clan members, who always speak in a formal tone and (almost) never use shorthands or apostrophes.

Different people often use different words and vocabulary depending on their location, upbringing, age... etc
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  #30  
05-18-2009, 01:48 PM
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Not done reading all of it, but so far it’s very good. I wish I could write that good, although I think my fanfic is getting close to the good parts now that the first few chapters are out of the way. any way, its looking good, your stories dont bore me.(not that any body else Ive read so far are)
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