The ODD poems

[mudling]

I was bored and tiered, so rather than sleeping I decided to make some poems, please comment on them, and write some of your own if you want to.
I tried searching, and there was no recent poem topic I could add to, so I just made my own. at the moment, I will just write short ballads, that are quite meaningless.

elums
your are so hard and grumpy
why do you always groan
If you back wasn't so darn lumpy
I'd have no reason to moan
you like your honey
more than scarbania is sunny
so now, I will put you permantly on loan

sligs
you think you're big
with those guns you hold
but you're realy twigs
with a bony mold
oh I wonder what is behind the mask
but no one would go to the gruesome task
of removing it, and letting terror unfold

Glokkun
you eat forrests for breakfast
and smoke the remains for lunch
but when there's nothing left
you'll be a pretty hopeless bunch
what will you do when your molah can buy nothing
what will you do when your cigars will leave you huffing
one day your fortresses will decay
and your rivers of molah will run dry
one day you'll loose your say
and all you defended you will loose when you die
when you've turned your slaves to mush
and kill those whom you cannot hush
there will be nothing left
not even your breath
and then, what can you do?

there once was a mud from the Rapture farm
and innocent schmuk who ment not harm
but one day a door was ajar
and learnt the Glukkons had gone too far
too bad he set off the alarm

I know.. i'm an artist, but seriously, if you guys like them, I'll try and make some more meaningful stuff

*edit* did some changes, and added to the Glukkon poem, and made a version of "there once was an old man from peru" for fun, but I was rushed when I wrote the first poems and so I'll try writing some more, and in more depth. but they'll still ryhme I think, I mean, that was one of the things I loved about AO, how abe always talked in rhyme it realy added to it I reckon.
thanks for the insight though

[Zerox]

In 'Elum' amd 'Slig' you used the same word twice ('groan' and 'mask' respectively). While groan could be replaced with moan, I don't know about mask, you'd have to change the context.

'Glukkon' has been spelt wrong :P

The last sentence of 'Glukkon' also is...rather uninspiring. I'm sure something better could really go there...

Otherwise, those aren't so bad.

[Carnix]

Hey, those are neet. Mabey you should give a go at the oddworld songs thread.

[s0ulreeper]

Those are pretty cool! What a great way with Words! Make more!

[Bullet Magnet]

Some nice work there. They could use some work, but as they say: "A poem is never finished, it is merely abandoned". My own is linked to my sig, if you haven't seen them already. The best advice I can offer is never force rhymes! have a particular line or intention in mind, and use a thesaurus (or Thesaurus.com) to see if you can make it work, and if not, go in a different direction. The alternative is to muddle through with some weak lines, which isn't that appealing.

[mudling]

Thanks so much for the comments and insights. I'll try and write some more poems soon, as I am quite busy, and I'll try and add to the songs thread aswell.
I will make some more soon, maybe tommorrow.
feel free to add, or provide links to your own odd poems aswell.