Scrap's Oddysee

[xx_xx_0dd]

This is my first fic, so it might suck. I'm not a good name maker. Criticizem is welcome.

Scrap's Oddysee

Chapter One: Not At Home

Scrap was sleeping. He was a young steef, who lived in a small village. He was slightly awake, and heard someone talking. The last thing he rememberd was, he was in his hut, going to sleep. He was awoken by a voice, then a gunshot. He went outside, and saw outlaws shooting random people. He was frozen in shock, and an outlaw saw him! He ran in the hut, but the out law got him, and hit him with his gun. That was it.
He looked around before moving, and spotted a fat and tall creature. He didn't move. He tried to see where he was, but was shot into the air. He realized he was in a truck! When he regained himself, he saw that the figure was gone, and the truck stopped. He carfully sat up and looked around. He saw other steefs tied up. He was to, but the rope was loose, so he could get out easy. He got out of the rope and prepared to open the door in he back of the dark truck, not knowing what was on he other side.
He rememberd to untie the other steef. About 5 of them were dead, and about 3 of them thanked Scrap and went to the door. Scrap stayed behind to see if any of the steef were still alive. He found a blanket. As the steefs opened the door, all hell would brake loose. He saw outlaws and they had guns. Big guns. He ran an hid under the blanket in the truck. He heard the scraems and knew what had happend. He heard a final BOOM and all was silent.
He heard some oulaws talking. "5,6,7,8, thats all of 'em" said one oultaw. "There was one more when we got here!" said another. "So, one of them bastards still 'round the truck?" said the third outlaw. He saw that the outlaws had left. Now was his chance! He slipped out, and saw a camp, and a road, and a bunch of hills. He couldent go to the camp, so he looked at the road. There were outlaws guarding it. He ran to the hills, not knowing what was going to happen.
He got to the hill and climbed it. He saw a vast plain, with a village at the end! It was a good 5 miles from the hill. He was hungry. He had to get food before he made the trip. He knew he would get killed trying to get food from the outlaws camp. He went down the hill to start toward the village. He forgot about hunger, and wonderd about his parents. What had happend to them. He had many questions waiting to be answered.

[Dancing Steef]

ey man that's a good start of the story I like it... well my fic isn't perfect either so don't ya worry 'bout that btw specially if it's the first time when they're writing and sending it in on the net. the fanfic I'm writing on now is the first one of mine I send out on the net.

I'm looking forward to read more of yer story dude

[xx_xx_0dd]

Thank you. I read some of your fic and it is cool. I will probably improve on my writing as the story goes. I will post the next part, but if no one replies, I'm gonna stop. Here it is-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1: Not at Home (Pt. 2)

Scrap sighed and walked on. He was walking for hours now, and he was starved! He saw a tree and looked up at it. There were crutberries in it. Crutberries are small berries that look good, but taste horrible. He was too hungry to care. He climbed up and picked them. He heard a snarl. He stayed frozen inside the tree. He heard outlaws talking to each other."Damn steef! I saw him run dis way, toward the village!" said one outlaw. Scrap knew they were talking about him. A guard must have seen him!"Ya stupid idoit! He ain't here!" "Let's look over there!". The outlaws ran out of sight.
Scrap had a chance to escape. He slipped out of the tree and ran. He ate the remaining berries. He came to a tall hill. He carfully went up, and saw the village! He was about 1 1/2 miles from the village. All he had to do was follow the forest path. He ran down and stopped. He knew what was going on. He picked up a rock, and threw it about 7 feet away. 4 out laws scurried out of either side of the forest."There's the little rat! Get 'em!". Just as the outlaws came running to Scrap, the fell to the ground. The had tripped over a wire. A tall steef jumped out of the forest, and wrapped up the outlaws with some sort of bug. When the outlaws were knocked out, the steef finally said "You got a name, kid?"."I-i-i-iiii'ts S-s-scrap."said scrap slowly. "Y'all better come with me." said the stranger. "What's your name?" "You can call me Bud." "Okay,Bud"
Scrap and Bud strayed from the path."Where are you taking me?" "Ima takin' you to Varlay Village." "Where's that?" "A few minutes, it's just up ahead.". They stopped at a big gate. Scrap was thinking to himself. What if Bud wanted to kill him. What if his name wasen't even Bud! "Stop, now!"said Scrap."Why are you taking me to Varlay? Why did you save me?. "All in good time Scrap, all in good time.". Bud opened the gate and smiled at Scrap."Here we are.". Scrap looked at the beautiful village and smiled."C'mon Scrap! Times a waistin!" They came to a large tower. Bud opened it and Scrap saw an old figure."Hello." said the figure."Are you from Vloodoo Village?"it said. "Yes, I am." Scrap answered."I have a few qustions.
"How do you know I'm from Vloodoo?" said Scrap." I know alot of things, like your parents."said the figure, as he walked out of the shodow, becoming an old steef."What do you know about my parents!" "They used to be the king and queen of this reigon of oddworld, before you were born."said the old steef. "My name is Skum, elder of this village!". Scrap had his mouth open wide. King and Queen!?!

[Dancing Steef]

Well ya surley have improved yer writing... If I shall be honest, the story is good, but ya have to look a little bit closer at it. then I mean how words are going to be spelled and some of the talking between the characters themselves. like this one:

"What's your name?" "You can call me Bud." "Okay,Bud"

It could be more like this; Scrap looked at the tall Steef with both suprisement and fear. He asked "what's your name?" The giant Steef answered " You can call me Bud"
Scrap felt a relief and said "Okay, Bud" .

something in that style, maybe? It's jus' me though but just take a closer look at yer fic and then I guess it'll be a lot better. here's a few tips from me, which ya may think about:
1) write what yer about to write.
2) then read the part over and over again, while doing this look for wrong-spelled words or wrong grammar.
3) finaly read the text once more, and when ya think yer pleased with it then you may send it in to the forums

Jus' some tips from me... Good Luck Matie
btw thanx for reading me fic

[xx_xx_0dd]

Thanx for the tips DS. The chapter I'm gonna pot next is short, therefore, it will be better than the first chapter. Here it is:

Chapter 2: On the Road

Scrap's mouth was wide open. He was in terrible shock. He stood there, in the room, for what seemed like hours. He finally got ahold of himself. "Come here boy!" scowled Skum. " Whaaa-whyy-wwhh.......why didn't they tell me!?!" yelled Scrap. "They wanted to keep you safe!" said Skum. "They didn't stay here, so there enemies wouldn't get or find you!" yelled Skum. "Well, now there dead.....DEAD!!!" cried Scrap, who had tears running from his eyes. He know realized the sad truth. His parents were indeed, gone.
Bud looked at Scrap and frowend."I'f it makes you feel better, you can stay with me." he said quietly. Scrap paused and said, "I guss so, if it's alright.". Skum looked at scrap, then Bud, and said," Bud will be going on a trip, to recover somthing that was stolen from the village. If you choose to live with him, you will go to.". Scrap hesitated for a moment, then said " Okay, but how long will the trip be?"."Oh, about 4 weeks. We will be going to the town of Wilfrutziz. It is inhabited buy Mudokins. Nasty creatures to us they are." said Bud." I'll go.". " Good. Heh he he heh....." Skum laughed.
"Very good indeed."
Bud and Scrap left for the village 4 days later. They were both armed with weapons. They were in for one heck of an adventure.

[Dancing Steef]

YAY that was a good one xx_xx_odd jus' one more critique don't have too short sentences, it can in the long run get annoying, otherwise I'm looking forward to read more

Why I'm giving you tips and stuff is that, I'm going on a course in how to write and get better on grammar and so on, but that's an English course though... I like it so if ya have any wonderings, jus Pm me and I'll help ya out as much as I can

[Rincewynd]

Nice work . Didn't expect the King and Queen part. There is one thing.....not very important......I just would have really liked to hear what Scrap is like with his new stuff, apart from that your sotry rocks! can't wait 'till you next part.......Good luck with it (just dont get stuck in a part where nothing interesting happens happened to me once, that story faded away.......*sighs* i likked that one too)

[xx_xx_0dd]

Thank you for the comments. Here is the second part of chapter 2:

Chapter 2: On the Road (Pt. 2)

"C'mon Scrap, just a little bit further." groaned Bud, who was hungry and very tired. Bud and Scrap were on the trip for about 3 days now, and they had ran out of provisions. Scrap was tired himself, but not that hungry. Just 1 day before, they were attacked by some Mudokin villagers. Scrap had a tall staff with a sharp blade at the end of it (Kinda like a native sickle.), and Bud had a native pistol, that fired large silver bullets. Scrap cut one of them in the leg, and Bud finished them off, one by one. The battle was 2-on-8, so Scrap and Bud were luckey they got out alive. They found a map in one of the mudokin's pack. They learned that the mudokins where planning to attack Varlay. They had to stop them.
"We are here!" Bud said aloud. they were in front of a huge gate made of logs. "Be quiet!" said Scrap in a whisper. Bud and Scrap looked up and saw a row of mudokins on top of the gate. " Oh sh-" said Bud, who was cut of of the sentance and getting pummeled by arrows. Scrap looked down at Bud, then up at the Mudokins. Scrap saw a group of arrows pouring down at him. He closed his eyes,for he knew what was going to happen.He was waiting for the blackness that would hit him. He was waiting for his slow, painful death.

[Dancing Steef]

Oohh that's a good one matie, yer story rox It's getting intense, very intense
lookin' forward to read more of yer story!

[Rincewynd]

*applaudes* I'm liking it I am almost shaking to see if they die or not :O

[Cullen Heath]

Yeah, I've been reading it through out periods of time and it is brillaint! I can't wait for more, please continue soon. It seems as if this is just getting to the good part!



Oh just to let you know, Mudokons is not spelled mudokins, its Mudokons.
Just a little tip.


Cant wait for more of the story!

[xx_xx_0dd]

Sorry I haven't updated the story. Thank u for the comments. Here is the next chapter:

Chapter 3: Behind Enemy Lines

Scrap was waiting for the arrows to hit him. And they did. Scrap felt the sting and saw the arrows shoot through his arms and his body. It hurt Scrap, and more arrows, and they were still coming. Scrap looked over to bud while he was crying in pain. Bud was still. He saw two Mudokons dragging him, and he tried to crawl, but knew it was hopeless. He lay still on the grass. He felt as the two Mudokons dragged him in, behind the gate. He was in enemy turf now. He closed his eyes and felt the the blood dripping over all of his body. He went still, and didn't know if he was dead or not.
He opened his eyes and looked around quickly. He was cleaned up and had stitches on his wounds. He saw Bud and he was still. He felt his chest and Bud was still breathing. He hit him in the face, and he didn't wake up. He stood up and saw that he was in a hut, with a small door. He saw a small chest, and tried to open it. It was hard, but he got it open. It had his clothes and his staff. It also had Bud's gun. He took the gun and the staff. He whaked Bud with the dull part of the staff. Bud woke up, but he was very tired. Scrap told Bud the whole story. Bud had a plan to tell to scrap.
"We gotta get outta here..." said drowsy Bud. Scrap looked at him and said, "Take your gun. There is a door over there. Let's head through it.". Bud walked to the door, and tapped it. He heard a voice outside. "Here he comes! Knock him out when he opens the door!". Bud stepped away from the door. He thought for a second, then looked up. "We can get through the roof. It is thin, and it leads outside!" whispered Bud. Scrap looked at him, then said, "Okay! I'll get on your back, and punch the roof!". Bud looked and said, "Okay, get on my shoulders.".
The plan worked. Bud and Scrap got on the roof. "Look." Bud whispered. Scrap looked, and, there were alot of mudokons. At least 800. Scrap looked around and saw the village. It was huge! It must have gone on for atleast 3 miles. Scrap saw a small vent on the ground. "I have an idea." Scrap smirked. "Let's go throuh that ventalation shaft.". Bud looked, and saw the vent." We will go for it, but there are Mudokons every were." said Bud. "We can wait untill they leave, so we can get in.".
Later, they crept down the hut and went for the hut."Get them!" screamed a Mudokon. "Run!" Bud yelled to Scrap, who responded with a nod. Scrap ran to the vent. He crawled in the hole. "Damn." Bud said, as he shot of the mudokons coming for him. Scrap ran in deeper into the shaft. Scrap knew Bud would protect him to the death. Scrap hoped Bud would come, but he was loosing hope. One on eight-hundred is nearly impossible. Scrap started to cry, but heard Bud telling him to keep going. Scrap was worried about Bud, but closed the hole. He heard Bud say, "I'll meet you where the shaft ends! Hurry!". Scrap was scared, but moved foward, in the unwelcoming darkness.


what do you think? I'll post the next one soon!

[The Neergian]

Hah, brilliant! I've been reading this since i signed up some time ago, but i fergot to post a reply once i got my account approved of. Yer story is great, I like it, keep goin...

[Cullen Heath]

Tension, Tension, Tension! It is brilliant! Man you have a great story goin here!PLEASE DO CONTINUE.

[xx_xx_0dd]

Okay, here is the next part:

Chapter 4: Out of the Frying-pan......

Scrap hurried foward. He couldn't see, but he had a good sense of derection. He was amazed that the underground shafts were so complicated. Scrap knew it wasn't an air vent, beacuse the village was out side! What was Scrap in? He heard a niose. A noise like.......running water! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Scrap screamed as he was hit by the water. He was knocked out. Where would the underground water system take him? He didn't know what was going to happen.
Scrap came to a wall and crashed into it. He woke up, wondering what had happend. He looked at the wall, and knew it was where the water ended. Something was strange about this wall. It had a lot of carved writing. Scrap did his best to read it, but he was in a sewer! He didn't want to stay, so he tried to read it quickly. Here is what it said;

Those who find this message must recite these words:

That was all it said. The rest was in a different script, one he couldn't read. He looked behind him and saw that he had his staff. He took it out and walked in the only derection he could. The sewer was much bigger when it goes deeper into the ground. Scrap remembered what Bud said. He walked foward, and he came into a small room. It had 4 different ways to go. He went for the one on the right. He walked down, but there was a dead end. He went back to the room.
He went down the left one, and it had a ladder. He looked up, and there was no way out. He went back, then down the middle tunnel. He saw a way out, but no ladder. He had an idea. He went to get the ladder. When he got into the center room, he went to get the ladder. He brought it back, and put it up. He was almost free! He opened the top cover and stepped out. He looked around, and the hole was under a rock, where the gate was! He saw someone, but it was defintely not Bud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Skum was sitting on his throne. A guard-like creature entered the room. "Sir! We have word from our spy that the mudokons have captured Bud and the boy are captured!" it said. "Good. With the boy out of the way, I can be ruler!! HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!" yelled Skum. The guard said, "But sir....isn't he th-" he was cut off by Skum yelling. He said "I don't care what the book says! The Mudokons will make sure that he never finds the truth!". "Even if he has those wierd powers? What about Bud?" said the guard. "Bud will die! As for the boy, if the mudokons don't get him, the out laws will! MWUHAAHAHAHAHAHA!" said Skum, with a smile on his face. The guard shaked as he fell to the floor, lifeless."I have the power to! I will have Scrap and Bud die, even if I have to do it myself...". Skum had a big smile on his face. An evil smile.

[Cullen Heath]

Good, I thought that Scum would end up being really nice. I like it! Keep goin!

[Rincewynd]

Oh how mystical, I like the 'truth' and the powers that are as yet not known.........what are you waiting for get typing!:P! I want to read more

[Cullen Heath]

We are all so anctious to read more! Cant you see your constant not typing is tearing us apart!!!

[xx_xx_0dd]

Okay Okay! Chill. This will be my last chapter for the next couple of days. I'm going away for thanksgiving holiday. Here it is:

Chapter 4: .....and Into the Fire.

Scrap stopped cold. "Well lookie what we got here boys!" said the outlaw. It was the same outlaw that was chasing him in the truck. He was cornered. He suddenly remembered his staff! He took it out and held it in front of him. "What the hell is that? You think your gonna kill us with that piece of crap?" said the outlaw. "I reckon I'll be kicken' your ass today!" said a familiar voice. "Bud? Is it you?" screamed Scrap. "The name's Kru." said the tall steef with the skull mask on. He stepped out of the shadows."Let's kick some outlaw boo-tay."
Kru looked at Scrap and threw him a strange-looking gun. "What's this?" questioned Scrap, who was thoughtfully looking at it. "It's a custom shotgun." said Kru. He held up hid hand, witch was just a stump on his right arm."I'll explain later. Let's get these outlaws first. Kru had the same gun in his left hand, and he fired. It made a loud sound, and one outlaw lost a chunk of his face, and flew back about six feet."I'll get you for this, steef scum!"yelled one of the three reamaning outlaws. BOOM the gun went as Scrap fired. The outlaw flew back like last time. Another one met the same fate, but the last one shot Kru, who had a bad wound on his left shoulder. "NO!" Scrap cried as the outlaw aimed for him. He was mad, and his body filled with anger. He saw the outlaw disenegrate in front of him. Scrap tried to help Kru, but felt to weak. He fainted, as if his life essence was fading.
He awoke when he heard the sound of crunching leaves. He saw Kru walking around, looking astonished."Y..yy...you did something strange to me, while I was knocked out." said Kru." My wound was gone after you fell asleep. I woke up a little while after you fell asleep. What did you do?". Scrap looked around, suprised at what Kru said."Where did you come from?" asked Scrap. Kru looked at Scrap, and said, "I came from the city of Thorunk. It is about 20 miles away. A 2 day hike.". Scrap thought, and said "No I can't go to your village. I need to find my friend, Bud. You probably don't kno-". Scap was cut off. "Know him! He's my brother!" said Kru. "He's in the village." said Scrap. "Let's find him then!" said Kru with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Skum was wriing something on a paper. A guard came in and said, "Sir! The temple is almost done!". "Good! We can put the boy on the stone, and wait until sunset. The prophecy says, who ever completes this ritual with the one's body, they will have ultumate power!!" said Skum. "But won't the boy be hard to kill? He is the one, after all." said the guard. The guard desinegrated by the throne. "Not if he dosen't learn his powers! I know the truth and have all of the powers! What does he have! A stupid bum! I will kill him, and rule! He is the only thing that stands in my way! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Skum laughed. Skum had the upper hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For all who read this, I am probably going to post my art. Can someone tell me how to get the pictures on an attachment? Thanks. I also have a scanner, if that helps.

[Rincewynd]

Firstly my comments on the story so far:- Nice work my friend I am still liking the 'truth' and that these powers are only visible when Scrap uses them, keep up the good work!

The comment on artwork:- You scroll down in your reply to thread thing (I don't know what they're called) and it says 'manage attatchments' its a button by the way. and click it and there you are you just save your artwork into a foldr or something and, well you know how to load files dont you?

[xx_xx_0dd]

Thanx Rincewynd. I'll post the art for the next chapter.

[Cullen Heath]

Nice, I love it!

To add on how to attach art: just like he said, you have to click on attachments down at the bottom after you write what you write next. Then it will ask you for the files you want to attach. If it is on your desktop, select desktop and choose the file name.

[Dancing Steef]

Go xx_xx_odd sorry for not replying sooner, I've been busy lately... anyhow there's something ya should know; yer story ROX!

[xx_xx_0dd]

Thanks for the comments. I can't post the artwork yet, beacuse it's not done. Here is the next chapter:

Chapter 5: The Truth

Scrap and Kru sneaked to the gate of the village quietly. "How are we goin' to get out of the village?" whispered Scrap. Kru held a finger over his mouth, then pointed up. Scrap looked up and saw 10 mudokin heads staring at him from the top of the gate. "Damn, they saw us. We gotta run." said Kru. Scrap said, "Are you crazy! They'll send a whole platoon after us!". Kru thought quickly. "Grip my back tight, like you were climbing a tree. Hang on, and don't look down.". Scrap did as he was told, then closed his eyes.
Scrap heard Kru jump and stomp on the ground. He felt the frigid air on his face, then opened his eyes. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Scrap screamed. They were about 80 ft. in the air! He saw them go down, and land with a hard PLOP. "What did you do?!" asked Scrap. "I can jump really high. It is a tallent me and Bud have. Didn't he tell you?" said Kru. "Nooo..... In fact, there is alot of things he didn't tell me! Why did he find me? Why were you nearby the village? I want answers!" Scrap yelled. "Kru looked around and saw a strong wind swirl around them. Scrap's skin turned black. "What's happinin'?!" Yelled Kru.
Scrap toned down his temper and said, "Sorry. I was just really stressed out. It's kinda hard to take a death in your fami-" Scrap was cut off by Kru saying, "Shut up!". Scrap looked around and saw mudokins closing in on him. "NO MORE!! I'm tired of these mudokins attacking us! Time to fight back!" Scrap yelled. Scrap's skin turned black again and he let out a loud roar. He grew taller, like Bud and Kru's size. Wind swirled around Scrap and Kru. All of the mudokins were knocked back. Scrap skin turned normal again, and all of the mudokins were dead. "Ssssscccrapp." Said Kru, as he fell down. Scrap was out cold.
"Wake up!" said Kru. He said this over and over until Bud came. "Brother?" said bud in a scruffyu voice, as if he was cut at the throat. "Bud!" said Kru loudly. "Kru, come here. Tell Sceap the truth. I'm not gonna make it. Take care of him, and don't bring him back to Ssskkum....." his voice trailed off. Don't leave me now brother! Please!" said Kru crying. He held his ear up to Bud's chest. His heart wasn't beating. "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Screamed Kru. Bud was dead.

[The Neergian]

Woah...Hmm, good writing...or would that be typing? Anyway, it's still goin great. Bud's death was a little sudden, though, don't ya think? All in all, i like it, much! Keep goin!

[xx_xx_0dd]

I'll post the next chapter later, but I wasn't planning on Bud being a main character. He was there to kind of set the story up. He was an important char. , but he wasn't supposed to be there for the whole story.
[SPOILER ALERT]








Kru is a main character. He will be in the story for awhile. He is like a second Bud.
[MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!]


















(That won't die to quickly)

[Cullen Heath]

VERY GOOD!!!

[The Neergian]

Sure, you put Spoiler below the statement, after everyone's read it already. Heh, though i'm caught up through the story. But still, funny...

[xx_xx_0dd]

I will post the work soon. It is of my own creature, who will be introduced later. I will post it when I get to chapter 7.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 6: The Village Master Crane

Kru got up crying, and looked at Scrap, who was waking up. It was quiet as Scrap stared in shock at Bud's dead body. Kru didn't say a word, and went to dig a hole. Scrap tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't answer. "What happened to him?" Scrap asked. "He was slit in the throat." said Kru crying. He wiped away his tears and threw Bud in the hole. Scrap saw something shiney on bus cloth pocket. "What's that?" he asked. He went to pick it up, and it was a key. "What is this for?" Scrap asked Kru. Kru said, "I don't know. I looks like the key to a chest or something.". Scrap put it in his pocket and him and Kru walked to the gate. They walked out, and Scrap suddenly wondered how he got knocked out in the first place. He saw that Kru was sad, so he didn't want to ask.
Kru and Scrap walked for days without saying a word. They stopped to rest on ocassion, but didn't talk or nothing. They came to a river, and drank all the water they could. The followed along the stream and eventually, after a few days, they came to a huge wooden wall. They looked around and saw no mudokins. They saw a ladder that reached up to the top of the wall. Kru was to tired to jump over, so him and Scrap went up. They came to the top. They saw a whole village in front of them. They looked around, and saw steefs working and walking around. They both smiled and jumped down the wall. They saw the steefs smile. "Hello my people!" Kru shouted. "This is my village, Scrap! Come, we can stay here for awile!" cheered Kru, who was very happy. "I can't. I have to bring this key back to Skum. He said it was important." said Scrap. "We can go later. You can stay here for a few days." Kru said. Kru remembered what Bud said to him. "I know the leader of this village. He has to tell you something. He knew your parents.". Scrap said,"What is his name?". "His name is Crane." said Kru in a happy voice. Scrap could finnaly learn about his past!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Cullen Heath]

Good. How many chapters will there be?