Qest's Saga part 1-The Oddworld Delerium

[sliguy101]

This is the first of five parts of the series "Qest's Saga." Qest is a steef. Well, he is a weak and worthless steef. He is Stranger's brother. Qest had known that his own brother could always win in a fight. One day, his life had completely changed. This is his story:

My name is Qest. When you first look at me, you're going to notice one thing at first glace. I am weak and worthless. I may be the brother of Stranger, but nobody seemed to care. But that was back in my past, which was a while ago. My story went like this.
I was sitting beside my small dumpster, watching the citizens go by. I was just waiting for one of them to insult me, but they didn't. Maybe every once in a while they would, and it happened two times a day. I was eating my supper, which was made up of a few scraps I found by me. A poster had flew by me. I had picked it up. It was a wanted poster. A picture of an outlaw was on it. "Wanted: Heyton. Dead or alive." I read. I had to read slowly because I didn't quite know how to read very well. I let the wanted poster go off in the wind. "I've been seeing way too many wanted posters of him." I said.
Heyton wasn't a very kind person. That took me lots of time to realize that after I saw that poster of him. Legends had said that he sliced open the blades of his metal claws, and poured in the blood of a scrab in them. He would kill about fifteen innocent slaves and citizens a day, and one hero every week. Industrals didn't even like him either. He was both killing the population of Oddworld slaves and industrals. He was hostile to all the people of Oddworld. "I don't care who I kill." He always said.
I was getting tired easily. Must have been from all that running. I get tired and sleepy very quickly. I got up after three hours of sitting down. The back of my body was so sore I could barely get up. I walked into a small alley and tucked myself in. My eyes were getting heavier every second. Then I went into deep slumber.

[sliguy101]

I had slowly opened my eyes. It maybe took me 30 seconds to realize that I wasn't in the alley. I seemed to be in a large cage. I saw weapons and other scary things. I heard footsteps. Someone was coming. The figure was slowly appearing out of the darkness onf the hallway. I heard a gun being loaded up. I could have now seen the figure. It was an outlaw.
Not a regular outlaw, because he was the outlaw from that wanted poster. Heyton. He was Hayton. I got up and ran around in the cage screaming. "QUIET!" He yelled as he pointed his gun at me. I stood still, shaking. "Please don't kill me." I said slowly and quietly. Tears came down my eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you." Said Heyton. I was relieved. But then he added on something. "Because this missle is going to kill you! Along with all the other people on Oddworld!" He put his hand on a large missle. I jumped back and crouched to the ground. "You're get scared easily for a steef." He said. "I do not!" I yelled. He had turned around and walked back slowly. Suddenly he quickly turned around and said "boo!" I once again jumped to the back of the cage and got in my crouching possition.
Heyton laughed. "This is going to leave nobody left standing. Not even Abe, not even Munch, not even Stranger." He said. I tried to yell out "Stranger is my brother!" But I didn't wanna give that away. He probably wouldn't even believe me either. Heyton walked away. I had just started to cry out loud. "QUIET!" Heyton had yelled again.

[odd chick]

That was a very nice beginning, Sliguy, but there was something else that you could have done in the story: give some background about the relationship that Stranger and Qest had-they are brothers, after all. Did they get along? Were they close or distant? Do they even know each other at all? Other than that, those two chapters were very good.