It's a bitch, innit?
Mine is getting worse because I'm starting to care less what anyone else thinks. Used to be, my main reason to do work was to keep up appearances, seem smart (which I am, I may be a lazy bum but at least I'm a smart one), and not get hassled by teachers or peers. Now I give just barely a crap and a half, and that number is slowly decreasing.
And I still really want to go to UW, but now it's been at least half a year since I've been there on a field trip and it seems far away in space and time and even though I know if I screw up a couple more times I'll never get in, somehow it doesn't help motivate me.
This is where some people achieve incredible success and some fall apart: under duress, student number one, "The Good Student", will strive harder to escape an indesirable outcome, achieve what they set out to achieve, and do very very well. A few emotional problems, sure, and they'll grow up into cardiac-arresting uptight workaholics, but they'll have a high-paying job and be able to afford high-priced psychiatric help to keep them together, and overall their life will be pretty good. Student number one, "The Bad Student", will simply become depressed by the prospect of failure and, well, fail. And you know where that leads . . . forty, still living in parents' basement, only a computer to keep you company, et cetera.
At least that's the way I see it. Am I being hyperbolic or exceptionally realistic? I don't know, but I feel like a doomed life awaits me if I don't get my crap together.
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Step right up and shoot pasties off the nipples of a ten-foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat!
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