[One, Two, Middlesboogie]

Darn right it's official! It no loger exists on the site, but I (and probably Max as well) can remember when it existed.

I found some more good stuff... this is an advert for a Mudokon Tossing event:

The Ninth Annual Mudokon Toss 500, sponsored by SoulStorm Brew
This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Come join in the fun at the Mudos Arena for Mudokon Tossing like you've never seen it before! It's sure to be a hot contest when returning champion Mike "The Mudokon Slayer" meets up with scrappy newcomer, Mills "The Mudokon Maimer"! Be one of the first 50,000 there and get your free foam "#1 Hand" sporting the always-pleasing SoulStorm Brew Logo. As always, guests under 12 get all the SoulStorm Brew they can drink for free!
"A Celebration of Debilitating Addiction," at the Glukkon Museum of Modern Technocracy, sponsored by SoulStorm Brew.
We here at SoulStorm Brewery are firm supporters of the Arts and InHumanities. As such, we're proud to be the principal sponsors of this intriguing look at what makes the population of Mudos - from Gen. Molluk, right on down to that rat fink Abe - tick. It's all about producing a need and then milking it for all it's worth ... truly breath taking and a must-see if you're in the area.

"The First One's Free" On-Going Promotion
There are some "firsts" in life that should always be special: Your first day of work for any of Molluk's corporations; Your first Paramite Pie; Your first existential epiphany during which you're confronted with the face of your own worthlessness. 'Til now, these firsts always came at some type of personal or financial cost ... but - thanks to SoulStorm Brewery - at least one of those firsts can be free. Announcing the indefinite continuation of SoulStorm Brewery's "The First One's Free" campaign. Any Oddworldian can go experience one of life's greatest pleasures...and not have to spend a penny! * "When we started the 'First One's Free, campaign a couplea' years ago, we didn't really have high hopes for it," explains SoulStorm Vice President Aslik. "But it's become apparent that our customers WANT that first drink for free...and as long as we know they'll keep coming back for more, we're more than happy to give it to 'em!"

* The first SoulStorm Brew is free. Every additional SoulStorm Brew will cost approximately _ more than you can afford. When your tab runs to an amount to be determined by us, you will be sent to the SoulStorm Brewery to work off your debt in misery.

So what are you waiting for?

Act Now!

And this has nothing to do with this topic, but I enjoyed it. This is an article by Dr. Chester Payne (one of the three Glukkons in the AE FMV, on whom Abe eavesdrops before destroying the Brewery) about the healthy properties of SoulStorm Brew:

Carbonated Mudokon Tears
Dr. Payne says: "Sodium - and lots of it - is the key to a well-rounded diet. And what better way to get this dietary requirement than from the delicious tears of the hapless Mudokons?"

Bone Fragments
Dr. Payne says: "A lot of people think that milk is the best thing to strengthen your bones. I say nonsense! As the old expression goes, 'Bone begets bone' ... you need to ingest bones to strengthen your own. And, oh boy, does SoulStorm have bones!

Lots of Preservatives
Dr. Payne says: "The staggering number of unpronounceable preservatives in SoulStorm Brew ensures that our Brew will ALWAYS be fresh, whether you pick it up one day after it leaves the Brewery, or 1 decade. Also, the preservatives bind with your genetic material and make sure you leave a pretty corpse that doesn't decay ... ever. You'll be forever beautiful!"

Nutrition Facts
Serv. Size 1 Can

Calories: 10,000
Dr. Payne says: "Today's Oddworld Inhabitant - particularly the Mudokon - is a hard worker. And as we all know, you burn calories when you work; since the average Oddworldian works about twice as hard as its biology normally allows, you NEED all these calories to keep you going. No worries about getting fat ... we'll make sure you work it off!"

Total Fat: 500 g
Dr. Payne says: "Despite what the more 'mainstream' physicians like to say, fat is good for you. It powers you the same way it powers our trains. And Oddworld needs its Inhabitants to run like our most reliable locomotive ... so stop yer whining about 'clogged arteries' and 'heart disease.' Fat's good for you. Period.

Sodium: 8000000 mg
Dr. Payne says: "A diet high - extremely high - in sodium is essential to a well-rounded slav - uh, worker. I said worker. Hypertension Shmypertension. Just drink it!

Protein: 0 g
Dr. Payne says: "I'm currently investigating several cases where people who ate stuff with protein in it spontaneously combusted. That's right, they ate this stuff - that was supposedly 'good' for them - and then burst in to flames, leaving a pile of ashes in their stead. Until I can definitely prove that protein wasn't the culprit, my official stance is that Protein is BAD for you."

Sugars: 6000 g
Dr. Payne says: "In addition to aiding in the development of good teeth, Sugars work with your overall calorie intake to produce LOTS of energy. More energy equals more work. More work equals bridge. Bridge equals more money. More money equals more power. More power equals more Brew. Wait a minute ... what's money again?"

Contains 0% of RDA Vitamins
Dr. Payne says: "I can say without the use of hyperbole that the RDA is populated by a buncha' quacks who wouldn't know a good meal if it hid outside in the parking lot, waiting to give them e Coli. Also, they revoked my medical license, so they're just straight out jerks.