[oddling]

Chapter8:Hotel California

After nearly flying out of a taxi, drove by a crazed Mudokon, we were on our way to the Salty Slog. "Where the hell are we? I asked. "The sign says Sesame Street." Said Mike. "Hey you could make a cool song out of that name! Something that goes like this. Sunny days, heading out on my way, on my way to were the air is clean, can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street..doo doo doo doo, how to get to Sesame Street..." "Oh shut up who'd ever make a song like that? Some stupid T.V company called childrens television workshop?"*Both Sean and Mike stare at screen for a second* "This place looks pretty trashy. Maybe thats why she didn't take us all the way to the Salty Slog." Said Mike. We asked an Intern standing at the corner with a set of headphones with the music blasted so lowd you could amke out the words being said all the way across the street. Yes we asked the Intern, and he talked back to us you f***ing idiot how do you think we asked him directions then you dumb ass? This Intern had a mouth and obviously didn't go through Vykker surgery. "Hi, do you know where the Salty Slog is?" Asked Mike. "It's about 30 miles down the road. If you don't want to be walking all night, you should check out the Hotel California down the street." He said in a Homer Simpson-ish kind of voice. As we walked down the street I asked Mike about why the Intern could talk. "Hey Mike, umm I was wondering why that Intern has a mouth. Back at home the Vykkers do surgery on them so they can't talk. Why dosn't this one have it?" I asked. "Well most of the people that come here are runaways from factories like you and that Intern over there. When the Vykkers do that surgery on them they just close the skin around their mouths so they can't talk, but when they runaway and come here, all they have to do is slice that peice of skin and battabing battabip you got yourself one hell of a happy Intern." It sounded pretty f***ing gross but at least it was an explanation. After about two minutes of walking we came to two hotels. One of them was the one the Intern had mentiond earlier, the Hotel California, the other on was the motel Hello but the o in the sign had burnt out so the sign now read Motel Hell. "Umm I think I would rather stay in a place called the Hotel California instead of a place called the Motel Hell, what do you think?" I asked. " I think you'r right on that one." He said. We walked into the door and obviously the song 'Welcome to the Hotel California' was playing. There was another Intern at the desk whos name tag said 'Hello, my name is Crab E. Ass' on it. "Welcme to the Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave, how may I help you?" *For those of you who don't know there is a song called Welcome to the Hotel California and what he just said was part of the song so don't get suspicious okay?* He said. "Um how much does it cost to stay a night here?" I asked. " *59.99 a night." He said.( The * on their is like an Oddworld form of the dollar sign) "Okay. We'll take it." Said Mike. "Thank you for staying at our Hotel, one of our employees will be with you in a moment to show you to your room." He said in a tired bored voice. Soon enough a Mudokon came and showed us to our room. It was a shitty little place with holes in the walls and newspapers from 1980 on the table. One of them said "Breaking news!!! Abe the Mudokon terrorist master mind has blown up Rupture Farms!!! Oh the horror!!!! Turn to page B10 for full story." on it, but worst of all, the comic section had been ripped out of every single one of them. "Well it's probably better then the Motel Hell." Said Mike. Nextdoor at the Motel Hell we heard people laughing and saw them dancing on the back porch, and diving into the heated inground pool, to Tequila while some of them started making a congo line. "Aw just f***ing great! We get stuck in this dump while they get to have a Odd damned party!!!" I shouted. "Look on the bright side, they probably spent a ton of money to stay there." He said. "YO HOOKER!!!" I shouted out the window at a teenage Mudokon girl. "HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY TO STAY THERE?" " YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ANYTHING," She shouted back. " PEOPLE JUST HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME THEY PAY THEM ANYWAY!!! AND I'M NOT A HOOKER YOU FAGGOT!!!!" "Odd f***ing damn it!!!! Why do we always get the bad luck?!!" Shouted Mike. "Hey look on the bright side," I said. "What bright side?" He asked" you didn't get called a faggot!"

Oddling l:c l