NEW CHAPTA!
That's right, you worthless hobos! The new chapter! And coming soon... DA FINAL CHAPTA!
I am here to inform you of the downfall of every major civilization, because of pants. That’s right, pants. Seemingly harmless, these are great dangers to society. Such brands as Dockers and Old Navy are among the most dangerous. Remember the Greeks? The Romans? The were doing just fine with Togas. But then they started wearing pants, and society went down the crapper. The Egyptians? Yes, them too. Let’s start with the reasons why. Let’s take the Romans. The Romans had a fine Empire. Honest Politicians and hard working slaves. But then came pants. When pants came along, Politicians started lying and workers slacked off. With pants, there could be many styles. Shorts, long leg pants, and capris. People got jealous of others.
“Oh, nice pants.” they’d say.
“Oh you too.”
“I wish I could have your pants.”
“Well you can’t.”
“But I want them so badly.”
“No. They are my pants. Get your own pants.” Scenarios like this one played over many times, until eventually one would resort to homicide - and some even suicide - because they couldn’t have someone else’s pants. This, not to mention the competition between various manufacturers of “fine pants.” Small shops would open up. Places like “The Pants Boutique” and “Orpheus’s Fine Pants”. Prices would skyrocket and people would rush into markets to buy pants. Prices would rise and poverty was the result when all people spent their money on was multiple pairs of pants. And now, the whole world wears pants. Time will only tell what devastating effects pants will have on humanity in the future. But from this reporter’s standpoint, the future doesn’t look happy.
Stay tuned, or I will be forced to kill your family.
|