BM: Agreed with everything in your post but this:
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This means dismantling the legal institution of marriage entirely and building something new.
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Yes, it means dismantling the legal institution of marriage. No, it doesn't mean building something new in law. If you look at the laws surrounding marriage, they're heading in that way already. At least in Australia (and I think it's similar elsewhere) the legal benefits of getting married have been watered down, while the legal benefits of being in a de facto/common law relationship has been strengthened. I believe that in time the legal concept of marriage will disappear entirely. People will still have ceremonies, whether religious or secular, but it won't be recognised by the state. And all the legal ramifications you mention will be determined (largely by the courts, I imagine) as matters between two or more
people, with no particular weight given to an archaic tradition. And it'll be a lot easier that way - imagine how much easier the fight to support recognition of gay relationships would have been if it didn't involve the word 'marriage'. Similar to recognition of polyamorous relationships.