[Danny]

Disclaimer: This is copied and pasted from The Onion. Apologies to anyone who has already read it, or just doesn't find it funny (and therefore is a moron)...

Oh, and by the way, before anyone starts, this is NOT serious. I would have thought that was obvious, but you never know on these forums...

The Church Sex Scandal - What do you think?

A growing sex-abuse scandal is engulfing the Catholic Church, with many priests accused of sexually molesting children. What do you think?

Chris Davis, Lawyer - "Where in the Bible does it forbid someone to pin a 10-year-old behind a large cooler of Kool-Aid in a church basement?"

Don Lawson, File Clerk - "Catholic priests are being unfairly singled out as pedophiles. We must not forget the music teachers and hockey coaches."

Phil Ormond, Cab Driver - "This is just secular, liberal-media hysteria over thousands of grade-schoolers getting ass-raped."

Paul George, Accountant - "Hey, if Abraham was willing to kill his son for God, the least a devout Catholic can do is let his kid get cornholed here and there."

Sheila Rutt, Systems Analyst - "Wine, candles, incense, frilly little frocks... you can see how it sets a mood."

Danielle Krug, Speech Therapist - "Now that it's out in the open, the healing can begin. Except for the kids."