First off, for a musical thing like this get rid of the intro music. I thought that was the song.
2 bit things: the cello is consistently a fraction of a second late in a few places, and whenever you reverbed the strings it got really messy.
The cello sounds awful. I don't know what you're using to get that sound. It sounds like it was sampled from a live cello, which is good in theory but in practice it's really jarring because every note is articulated like it's the start of a phrase.
In the original piece the cello is a percussion instrument rather than a melodic one. It's the drive. It's the oomph. Adding the higher string part with the tiniest hint of harmony obscures that in my opinion. You either need to commit to harmony and add some gritty 5ths in there, or make sure the rhythm is stronger. That gets back to the cello sound being bad.
Was the drum track done live, or did you sample the individual hits?
This post sounds grumpy because I hate life but overall it sounds alright. I'm just good at being critical of this stuff. I don't know if you'll want to fix any of it, but if you plan on doing more of this kind of thing then you need to find a better way of making the recording. If you use better sounds I can also potentially give more in depth tips. I've helped out Slog Bait and Nep with musical stuff a few times now, and I'm more than happy to say what I can if you want the feedback.
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