You're the one that has no formal music training, right?
The piece is interesting. If my keyboard wasn't unplugged I'd analyse it in a bit more depth, but a few things stuck out. Don't be afraid to reuse rhythmic ideas. I never felt like I could tie those countermelodic voices down. They don't have to repeat themselves, but I feel like if that higher voice had something to come back to it would feel more secure. The viola(?) did a few funny things with regard to voice leading, but if you are the guy with no formal training then that probably won't mean much to you.
The middle felt very much like it was developed as it went, which isn't the worst thing given that this is in arch form. Really, this just gets easier to deal with as your write more. When you get used to what you'll need to do while writing the piece, you can start making better plans and mockups etc. The only trouble with that is when you realise that you're naturally bad at composing and all of your ideas are terrible.
If you aren't the guy with no formal music training that posts pieces here every now and again then I appologise because some of this may be stupid. Either way it all still applies.
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