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As of downloading Unity a few days ago and poking through other people's scripts I now have a grasp on Javascript. I haven't applied it to anything real yet, but coming from Java and Python it's pretty self-explanatory. I might be able to do things with adequate examples and supervision if you need me.
If you're really short on heads I might be able to learn things. You can probably tell if a task is the kind of thing I could pick up in a few weeks before you delegate it to me. I'm not going to jump through any huge hoops seeing that I'm about to start my last year of highschool, but I'm around if I'm really needed.
So does that mean I'm not obsessive?
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Javascript is something that I’ve never taken the time to learn and I think you’re the first person to offer some help with that, brilliant!
I would say if you can get your head around Javascript you can probably pick up HTML and CSS quite quickly – I’d recommend you take a look at some basic tutorials and such; W3Schools is a good place to start.
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I don't understand why you're focusing on 'Mobile first'. You can't make a skin that looks good on both mobiles and desktops; they're just too different. Either make a mobile skin (in which case you should keep the design elements to an absolute minimum) or make a desktop skin.
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The thing to understand about mobile-first is that it isn’t nearly as much work as it seems.
A design for a mobile site basically has to account for three things: 1) a narrow viewport, 2) finger-friendly interface, and 3) lower processing power.
The narrow viewport is easy. You start with a design that fits comfortably into a narrow screen, and you style text so that it is easily legible on a small device. Once you’ve done that, you can just add in media queries to target wider screens and then add CSS rules which adjust the layout to fit comfortably into a wider viewport.
The finger-friendly interface is even easier. You just make sure major navigation elements like headers, menus and buttons can easily be tapped without someone hitting the thing next to it by mistake.
Lower processing power is probably the trickiest, but we can account for that. The first way in which to do this is to minimize the amount of images that have to be downloaded. You can do this with a combination of CSS sprites, replacing things like gradients and pattern background images with pure CSS equivalents, and by optimizing and minifying all the code the skin uses.
Look at the gallery of responsive sites linked in the OP, and look at sites like the Boston Globe. It’s entirely possible to make one site that adapts to all screens.
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I will help out with some of the HTML/CSS parts, but I might look up more about how PHP puts content into it all.
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The vBulletin documentation might be a good place to start. I admittedly don’t have very much PHP knowledge so every little helps here.