I just watched The Hobbit, finally. I don't have a big ol' loving review nor a completely hateful breakdown of the film. The Hobbit is the most beautiful, visually stimulating and just genereally spectacular bad movie I've ever seen. It's not bad because of the performances, just the pacing and editing. Everything is held together very strangely, scenes that should not be as long as they are (or simply should not be) permeate the entire spectacle like the hole in a donut: not necessary, but not the same without them. I'm going to paraphrase an analogy I farted out when Transformers 2 came out: It's like they tried to build a tower (or...TWO towers? EHHH? EHHHHHHHHHHHH!?) out of everything they could find relevant to middle earth, and then they wanted to make it bigger so they started throwing in a bunch of crazy shit. There's a shitload of wizards, a fuckton of DORFS and Hugo 'Sigourney' Weaving/er bandying about like he's actually plot relevant. Like Django it was a gigantic movie and had a whole lot to process. My feelings toward it are generally mixed; visually stimulating but a bit too much drawn out silliness for it to remain enjoyable throughout the whole trip. The strongest part of the film is the opening, explaining the origin of the dwarfs. For this scene they came out gangbusters, totally succinct and telling us everything we need to know...and then Bilbo packs for half an hour. He literally doesn't leave the house until the 41 minute mark. And that bothers me. I don't even think any orcs or goblins get killed within the first hour. So I like it, but damn was it flawed. Hopefully the next one will be better, because it will have the dragon.
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