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Have some grilled chicken, and cantaloupe with that.
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I don't think I'd trust your cooking. Your hands have been thrust into so many dark orifices that even an Eldritch Abomination wouldn't dare enter. You'd probably give me food poisoning and then I'd die. Then you'd be sad because I'm the main one who cleans up after your signature.
[/thread owned]
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...and he's not sporting any crazy offensive ideas.
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I've got some more if you'd like to hear them.