[OANST]

Yeah....Let's talk about The Hobbit. Because it was not alright. It was bad. Very bad.

Let's start by discussing the pacing. There wasn't any. When the movie started I was enjoying it. The dwarves were silly, but not too silly. Some of the acting was bad (Ian McQueen or whatever he is called was awful as Gandalf) but for the most part it was going really well. But then the action sequences started, and they never ended. Everything that happened in the movie from that point on was just an excuse to set up another dull, poorly choreographed action sequence. Important plot points were sped through so that we could get more shots of the cast falling down things, and holy fuck do they fall down a lot of shit. It should have been called The Hobbit: Falling Down, but then Joel Schumacher, and Michael Douglas might have been offended. The only time that any given non-battle scene was given time to breath and actually exist is when they were at Rivendell, and my god was that an abomination of a scene. It completely pulls you out of the story with its dark and somber overtones, and also does this weird thing where it shows Saruman being untrustworthy well before he became untrustworthy.

And why the fuck would he add story elements and then blaze through the existing ones like they didn't matter? The Azog the Defiler shit was just fucking ridiculous. Not because it was necessarily bad, but because it turned a bloated film into an almost unwatchable, obese snorefest. Why would you treat the Gollum part of the story (arguably the most important part of the story) so flippantly, barely giving it any dramatic weight at all, but spend almost an hour going back, and forth with a fucking goblin that you made up, you stupid, fat shit?

Peter Jackson doesn't understand that action scenes don't create drama. So, he hamfistedly shoved about 4000 of them into this over long piece of shit. Which wouldn't be so bad if

a. There wasn't actual drama readily available

or

b. They were well done instead of just a lot of falling down.