[Mac Sirloin]

I'm playing Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep Final mix with a patch to make it halfway understandable (apart, of course, from about 90% of the tutorial boxes explaining how some of the bazillion different gameplay tweaks work.) I tried watching the opening cutscene and, well, I'll be honest: It was pretty gay. I think we can all agree that the concept, design, plot and general vibe of Kingdom Hearts is 'Pretty Gay'.

I've heard great things about the gameplay and remember having some fun with the first KH game roughly 6 years ago, so I thought I'd give the newest iteration a shot. I'm playing as Terra, because he's the first option and is the only male character who isn't a supa kawaii ten years old boy (Ventus).
Ventus, by the way, is a stupid name. It's like the greek word for the buttcheek that is primarily flapped when you fart.
There's a lot more dumb Disney stuff floating around so far, which is better than a bunch of dumb Square Enix stuff, but seeing the grumpy wizard from Fantasia telling Mickey Mouse (who is wearing more leather than most cows have on their bodies) that 'Something dark is coming' or 'I have a shivery divery feeling' or WHATEVER his line is was silly and dumb and oh god why do I care fucking Kingdom Hearts guys.

After skipping literally 5 or 6 cutscenes I got into the actual gameplay and it is wonderful. A very fun, fast battle system that takes maybe 5 or 6 minutes to fully adjust to. My only gripe is that it needs Monster Hunter controls. And less wacky controls for choosing your attacks. Apart from that it's a really well designed system and I know I'm being a bitter critter when I say this, but it's wasted on fucking 'Pretty Gay' Kingdom Hearts. These people have had the most robust action RPG engine sitting under their butts for at least a decade and all the fluff they can come up with for it s 'WE MUST HAVE GET MICKEY SAVE US FROM THIS DARK THE DARKNESS SAVE US ANIME BOY WHILE WE FART IN YOUR MOUTH THBBBBBBT'.