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Thats very nice, but you should of told me via PM.
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My my how sober, Nepsotic, have you by any chance been warned for your off-topic antics?
I would like to repeat that there are books that teach this sort of thing, in case you overlooked that. Perhaps there's something in the '______ for Dummies' series that could help? Their format is very simple and great to get a basic understanding of the topic(s) you want to cover, I suggest you hit them up.
And let's be honest, it's not exactly hard to find a PDF of the book you want, should you confirm its existence...purely hypothetically of course, I'd never advocate piracy here.