cheers. i've posted some of these and a few others on a number of different fiction and writing forums, but out of all of them i only received one piece of feedback, and even that was in a private message. i've found that members of those types of forums are more interested in ramming the rules down your throat than actually reading your fucking story and giving you pointers. i find it so frustrating. so i decided to carry on posting them here, at least they have a chance to be read, shit though they may be.
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Madness
I once stepped into the realms of madness. I spent three years recovering after one day there. I've seen things no man should see. I tried to turn away in my horror, but instead committed crimes against humanity in my sudden debauchery. The temptation was just so great.
Dipping your foot into a cool pool on a sunny afternoon. That is what indulging yourself in the realms of madness is like. Now look at me. A mess, both physically and mentally. You don't even want to look at me, do you? No, don't say that. I know I disgust you. I'm not even sure if I still count as a human being.
Look at these pipes, keeping me alive. These machines, these fucking machines. They keep me awake at night with their ceaseless pumping, whirring, beeping and flashing. That guard, it hasn't slept for years, and yet it still remains. What is it guarding? Is it protecting me? Protecting a mound of rotting flesh? No. It's stopping me from going out there. Not that I could go out there. I mean, I can't even see my own legs. What do they think I'm gonna do?
Look at me when I'm talking to you. Have the common fucking decency to look at me when I'm telling you what you asked to hear. I'm doing this for YOU, no one else. I don't care whether I die in the next five seconds without telling you all this. I've lived my life, now I pay the consequence. That's all life is really; a bunch of actions followed by a huge consequence. Well, that's all mine was anyway.
Oh, so you're talking to me now? Getting brave, aren't we? Yes, I went there of my own free will. I don't regret it. Don't look so surprised. If you thought I'd regretted setting foot on that plane of lunacy, then you're a bigger fool than I. Yes, I went there. Yes, I don't regret it, and never have. That is why I pay this consequence. The consequence of being here now. Death would be the easy way out, that's why they keep me alive with all these cold machines. I'm probably more machine than man at the moment. I need to stay alive so that they think they've served justice. And they are. Oh God help me, they are.
That guard, it never leaves. You seem confused about it. Can you not see it in the corner of this very room? Its eye is ever watchful. Sometimes I wonder if its alive at all. Camera? Well of course I know that, I was being poetic you dunce! I see my insanity is wasted on you. And do you know what the craziest thing is? No? Come here...closer...closer...
I'm not insane. They think I am, but I'm not. I went to the realms of madness, I drank from the pool of ignorance, ate the decaying fruit of lunacy. It cured me. Dear lord, it cured me.
But now you must kill me. I have paid my debt to humanity, and yet they keep me here, rotting, just to try and justify their carelessness. When a bad dog is sick, its put to sleep. When a bad man is dying, its better to just let him die rather than purposely keep him alive as punishment, is it not? Come on, man! Just pull out a tube! Anything! A wire, needle; just grab and pull! I'll be dead in seconds.
Do it. Now. Why? Because I killed your mother. Is that what you want to hear? Huh? Come on, lets see some rage in that chalk-white face of yours! Do it! Kill me! Stop my withered heart from beating!
Eurgh.
Thank you...but there's one thing you should know...before I die...
I lied...I am insane...
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