[Dipstikk]

Worst, eh?

Hm. I remember years ago, I was riding my bike down the street, and for some reason, I had to suddenly hit the breaks. I was launched over the front of my handlebars, with my hands flat out in front of me, reflexively, to try and cushion my fall.

I came to maybe ten minutes later, lying in the street, as a man who had apparently nearly run me over had stopped to check and see if I was all right. My mom arrived a few minutes later, I was still in a daze, and my wrists hurt like hell. Turns out, as manly as I am, my wrists couldn't stop 250+ pounds of human bulk from crashing down on them. I told her I felt like I needed to get them x-rayed.

I believe this was before I left OWF, actually, because I recall uploading photos of me in my casts. I was in those fuckers for almost 6 weeks, I think.

Never mind feeling guilty about asking mom to do damn near everything for me, I couldn't masturbate for at least 4 weeks!

I think the second worst was the time I tumbled down a muddy embankment at a summer camp while trying to help pull up another kid who had already fallen down. Came to a few minutes later, couldn't speak. Turns out a couple of birch trees had broken more than just my fall, and I ended up with a greenstick fracture in my jaw and a leg that was skinned and bruised all the way to the bottom of the calf. Had to suck down Spaghettios and juice through a straw for a month or two, I think, and hobbled about on a walking cast. I enjoyed the diet of Spagettios. The cast was worse- we went to a skating rink later that summer and just getting around the place hurt like a son of a bitch. We had this "positive reinforcement" system in the form of tickets that you could use to buy colorful plastic crap, and they gave me extra tickets if I didn't just fall to the floor and sob like a baby because of the pain.

I had a lot of fun injuries as a kid. Childhood was basically concussion city for the Dip. Launched myself off of the school swing set at Sam Davey Elementary and planted my forehead into the concrete once, or maybe twice. Probably the reason why I have so much trouble remembering things. Slammed my head into a boat anchor at a marina up in Ashland, Wisconson... slammed into the wall of the building while careening down the school sledding hill in Eau Claire... fell out of a tree at our home on Long Lake from at least a good twenty feet up... fell down the stairs as a baby.

I'm still doing it. If I'm not paying full attention, I'll bump into objects all the time. Just always been clumsy, I guess. It's a wonder I'm still alive.