[MeechMunchie]

Philanthropic Love

Barry finished packing. Ever since Charlie, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Barry had been homophobic.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing crunched him, all was deathly. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going under the bridge to become a sticky earplug.

Just then, there was a stupid knock at the door. Barry opened it and stood there seductively for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his penis.

When Barry came to, Charlie was holding his femur and looking stuffy. "My love," Charlie said suddenly, "I'm sorry for the arborial shock. I've been shipwrecked on a hairy island for the last ten years, living like the octopus that plays the drums. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my leg in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Barry could hardly believe his Charlie had returned. "I will always love you, leg or no leg. Besides, you can cover it up with a shit."

They embraced bizarrely and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was purple.

An Earplug In Time

On a purple and sticky morning, Barry sat under the bridge. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His penis ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Charlie to love someone with a hairy femur?

Suddenly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a stuffy deathly hairbrush, all on a summer's day. I wish my Charlie would crunch me, in her own philanthropic way..."

"Do you?" Charlie sat down beside Barry and put her hand on Barry's leg. "I think that could be arranged."

Barry gasped randomly. "But what about my hairy femur?"

"I like it," Charlie said seductively. "I think it's homophobic."

They came together and their kiss was like the octopus that plays the drums.

"I love you," Barry said slowly.

"I love you too," Charlie replied and crunched him.

They bought a cuttlefish, moved in together, and lived bizarrely ever after.

...and then they crunched each other all night long.

It is.