[public service message]
Well, it's... interesting. I would comment further, but it's rather hard to read. You may want to put speech marks in and separate it out so it's easier on the eye. That way your reader isn't so daunted at the prospect of trying to figure out who's saying what and when, making it more enjoyable to read, so you get more readers.
For instance, instead of:
As Alf was slurping his water he did not realise what was happening in the distance. A strange black orb was floating in the air. It started wispering Come Alf! Come Alf! Whats that said Alf. Come Alf Come Alf! Repeated the orb. Then suddenly Alf was teleported by this strange hovering black Orb.
you might want to put:
As Alf was slurping his water he did not realise what was happening in the distance. A strange black orb was floating in the air. It started whispering "Come Alf! Come Alf! "
"What's that?" said Alf.
"Come Alf, Come Alf!" Repeated the orb.
Then suddenly Alf was teleported by this strange hovering black Orb.
See? Nark.
[/public service message]
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