[Bullet Magnet]

This month, Leto can totally relate:

Cancer Jun 21 - Jul 22
After what happens to you tomorrow, you'll be left asking one simple question. "Was there anything I could have done to save them?"

Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22
Somebody's been working out. Unfortunately, it's not you, it's the fitness instructor who's sleeping with your girlfriend.

Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22
Happy birthday! Sadly, everyone's got something important on that night.

Libra Sep 23 - Oct 22
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Red sky in morning? You're being made redundant.

Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21
Remember, they start yellow-stickering the big trifles in Tesco about half six.

Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21
Uh-oh.

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
Remember how you wanted to be an astronaut when you grew up? Well this month you find out that the guy you hated at school is one.

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18
You like Tigers, right? You don't? Oh... Sorry, what? No, no reason.

Pisces Feb 19 - March 20
Events will transpire to put you in a coma, but the nurses will agree that, were it not for the muscle atrophy, you'd be "quite fit".

Aries March 21 - April 19
You'll make a fantastic sarnie, but nobody will believe you.

Taurus April 20 - May 20
Nothing much to report.

Gemini May 21 - Jun 20
Your relentless optimism becomes contagious! As does the deadly pathogen that's been incubating in your lungs.