Come now, one and all, for the first reading of the manifesto of
THE PERFECTION VIA ABOLISHMENT PARTY
We intend to make life more perfect by abolishing the following inconveniences:
1. Toasters will no longer have settings so high that they burn toast to inedible cinders.
2. To lessen confusion, the colour 'Orange' will be given it's original name, 'Rellow', which rolls off of the tongue much more easily.
3. A committee will be established to select the five best varieties of apple; all other apples will be abolished.
4. The same also goes for screwdrivers, toothpaste and paint.
5. Roads will be abolished and replaced with those moving walkways they have in airports. Not only will this be better for the environment but it will also be more fun.
6. All of the following will be abolished:
Hills, rakes, 1p and 2p coins, that Nokia ringtone, babies, Graham Norton, the colour blue, 5 breeds of cat, 10 breeds of dog, scandals, Burger King, TV licences for people who refuse work, Kraft, harlequin ladybirds, Japanese knotweed, 'shotgun', 'yellow car', pedestrian crossings where the lights don't change for 2 flipping minutes, grey squirrels, terrorists and having to think up long lists of things to abolish.