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Hey, here's my retort:
You are so unbelievably wrong.
The underground key market is huge, whether they do it by going into shops cracking open boxes and stealing them or working out the algorithm people will always find a way to get keys. Also; what's to stop someone decompiling the game and removing the server check or at least making it redirect to a private server for pirated folk.
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Because keys that are checked online do not work with an algorithm (smart ones don't, anyway) like the serial numbers on older games. You print 20.000 copies so there are 20.000 valid keys, period. When you install the game you have to validate the key, server checks if it's listed in the list of 20.000 known keys and if it is you are allowed to register the code to your name.
And taking a game apart takes a long damn time, especially when someone is doing in their spare time. Often it takes a couple of weeks after the initial release before such a cracked version comes out. Those first few weeks is when most games are sold the most. So the damage is considerably less.
Not to mention that certain games need online activation to begin with. Remember Half-Life 2 and it's episodes? The game needed to download files before it could start.