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Two fish are swimming along. One swims into a concrete wall. Damn.
That one works better spoken. <---- Greatest punchline evar XD
What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
Justice Fingers.
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An Irishman and an Englishman were walking along hand in hand 'cause they're best friends and they stumble across a mirror....Englishman picks it up and peers into it saying, "I recognise him, but I can't put a name to the face." Irishman picks it up and looks, he say's,"It's me you daft twat!"
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"I'm staunchly atheist, I simply don’t believe in God. But I'm still Catholic, of course. Catholicism has a much broader reach than just the religion. I'm technically Catholic, it's the box you have to tick on the census form: 'Don't believe in God, but I do still hate Rangers..'"