Congrats to everyone else. Me on the other hand...
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly breathe! I feel so blessed! And this statue - it's so shiny! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to know that even in my wildest pool parties, I never would have imagined that this could ever happen to me. And to the other brilliant nominees, I want each of you to know how totally wonderful your jealosy makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was nominated, I just had to take a minute and think about how great my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda special
You know, there are so many blood-sucking two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to thank the glorified prostitutes of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Satan, for being such a powerful force in my life. And to my brother, who taught me to take life by the day. And finally, to all the Producers I slept with - I couldn't have done it without you!
Thank you America, and good night!
http://www.chickenhead.com/stuff/oscar/index.asp
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do you think i give a heck
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