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Whoo, major character development here  |
I was actually going to address this, because honestly... I think that's too much character. Anyway I napped cos I was tired, so I couldn't do it before.
AckroTheSlig, please don't take this in a bad way, but please listen here...
I dunno, to not sound too harsh, I'd call your character maybe too ambitious. I must admit I read that character profile, and despite the good grammar I still managed to facepalm myself a bit. I really wanted to like your profile, cos you seem intelligent and creative.
But honestly... It's not the fact that it's an experiment that bugs me, not even the fact that your character is rather 'special'... It's just that he's too special. It actually seems a bit obnoxious. I mean... let me get this straight:
- Your character has blue skin instead of green... colorful...
- Your character have up to three times the lifespan of a normal slig...
- Your character has an important and mysterious pas.... too important.
- Your character is violent, but I'm sure you'd explain that away with his past.
- Your character is probably like super-strong or something because of the intensive training.
- He has cool, special goggles AND pants.
So the bottom line: There's nothing normal about your character.. not one bit. Honestly. Your character is what I'd call a 'Mary Sue'. If you don't know what that is, please look it up. Your character needs weaknesses, faults.. SOmething that doesn't always sparkle and reak of importance and presence. You have to remember there are other people in this RPG, and they want to feel just as 'important' and 'there' as you.
Honestly... I think your character would be rather interesting, but I honestly
really think you have to tone that stuff down a bit. Maybe make him a bit more vague... If you really just want to develop a long, and deep plot around him. Don't do it in one post, or in the profile. Drag it over several versions of w@rf. It's what I tried to do with "anni", as I really hate being all over the place and making myself be more significant than really needed.
Also.. If he really was that important and 'mysterious' what is his business in rupture farms?
Just... To me this sounds like you just wanted to show off, your cool, mysterious character. You could just make a drawing in FC and that instead >_<
Well.. I'm sorry, I don't mean to rag on you too much, but this really needs to be said... And this goes for everyone else too. Try to keep all this in mind when creating characters.. Slow development, i think, is always more interesting than a quick "omg look at this amazing character!!".
Also, one thing that needs to be emphasized: Despite you saying your character is violent, hyperviolence is really looked down upon in this RPG... If you go around smashing things and people, no one will want to RP with you, so keep that in mind, ok?
Well I'm out for now :P Keep up the story people!... or else.. *shakes fist*