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11-15-2009, 12:33 PM
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STM
Anarcho-Apiarist
 
: Jun 2008
: Your mother
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got the basics of a good story...I think, your dialogues are slightly off in that it takes a minute to work out whose saying what, you haven't written (much) for example:
"I think the fuzzle got stuck in the incinerator again". moaned Humphrey. but
"I think the fuzzle got stuck in the incinerator again". -

Hope this helped
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.

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