sorry about that Oddey, i got the wrong 'tone' from your post. i don't know why i thought there was a tone to it, because that's not like you. apologies.
T-nex: thanks, i like to hear feedback so i can improve on future projects.
now that 3 members have all mentioned the bad language as being a bit unnecessary and excessively unrealistic, i will tone it down in future. reading back on it, it is quite offensive, and the only explanation i have is that i must have had a more personal concept of mudokon slave behaviour than the more common (and essentially, more likely) concept of most Oddworld enthusiasts.
i was actually waiting for someone to remind me about glukkons having to pay for slaves and that they would discourage mudokon fatalities, but i actually had this in mind as i was writing it. eg: you see in one of the previous chapters 2 sligs approach Joe asking how the mudokon died, then declaring they were going to 'look for them' when Joe informed them that it was a group of sligs. that was a small moment when you see 'the right thing' being done, because in this story and the short stories that may eventually follow i am concentrating on the low and dark side of industrialisation, including rule-breaking sligs and oppressed mudokons.
i see Rupture Farms as being pretty much a playground for slig supervisors and the like, as glukkons sit brooding in their offices, because the place is so vast. glukkons obviously don't want to fork out moolah for needless worker losses, like you said, but authority, or at least the authority that abides by the rules, cannot be everywhere at once in a place so vast and dangerous. therefore rule-breaking will exist, and in some areas may spiral totally out of control.
also, sligs are, by nature, very sociable creatures and easily influenced (following the slig with the best weapon was one example), therefore i'm portraying a majority of the slig employees as being corrupt, covering up for each other, in the hope they will become friends with 'the best gang' or simply receive some moolah in return for their rule-breaking. the only reason you don't see sligs being reprimanded for their actions in this story is due to it being told through the eyes of a mudokon, who i am sure wouldn't even know if the slig that killed a fellow mudokon was fired, shot at dawn or sent to Skillya. there are definitely consequences to their actions, as following tales will tell.
everyone you meet in this short story will have a story of their own eventually; the 2 sligs that question Joe about the dead mudokon, the 3 sligs that murdered said mudokon, the 2 sligs that chased Joe, the mudokons Relb and Joe fought in the canteen (who actually work in the stockyards) and a few characters that haven't been mentioned yet. each story will have a different overall tone to it, this one is concentrating more on oppression and its effects. the others will contrast with each other from righteous to criminally insane to suicidal.
whoa, bit of a rant, sorry. but i do see where you are coming from. thing is i already have it written so i cannot make changes now, but i will do for future concepts. i would post it all, but i feel it would be a strain for the reader, and i would still like to receive more feedback on the sections i post (easier to make recommendations and constructive criticism in short pieces i post that can be pin-pointed rather than one massive post).
i don't expect anyone to read that novel, as its not a defence, just a point of view. so in short; everyone's comments have been taken on board. thanks for the feedback, i will make a few tweaks in future.
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