Ok so I read the story.. And I'm happy that there are finally some actually stories here rather than all the 'games' going on
I hope you're not too tired of critiques already because I thought I'd point a few things out. Sorry if they are uncalled for.
Ok.. SO first.. This has already been discussed I see, but honestly I find the swearing a bit too exaggerated too... It also sounds too much like something a human would say. Playing through the games, and watching all the cut scenes and such, you'll notice they
never use such string language. Not even the sligs. Not that it's a terrible thing. it's your story, you decide
But I must admit whenever the swearing gets too much, I sort of get launched out of the whole oddworld feel... Makes me think too much as it contradicts with my understanding of oddworld, you know.
Second... The violence... um.. Is just a tad bit too much too... It's probably a bit hard to believe, but glukkon actually
discourage injuring Mudokons... Unless they are defiant of course. But glukkons would definitely not let sligs kill a mudokon, or break their bones for no reason at all. You have to keep in mind that mudokons actually do cost money, and it's not as if the glukkons have an infinite supply of mudokons. For each mudokon that is killed, glukkons will have to buy another... And glukkons do
not like wasting money as they are money hungry. Therefor I find it quite unrealistic the way sligs so lightheartedly even kill the mudokons with no fear of being fired or... facing Skillya. Sligs that kill mudokons actually sabotage the efficiency of the whole factory. Of course the punishments are harsh though, if the mudokons are disobedient and don't do their work.
It's just.. When reading about the sligs beating that one mudokon almost to a pulp, and that other mudokon who's brain was like splattered or whatever... I'm pretty sure they would have gotten in trouble for that... Not from their peers, but from the boss.
Sorry if this is a bit long x_x
Anyway otherwise I think the story is rather interesting
And I don't think it's unrealistic they are unaware about being slaves... I can imagine that at least
some mudokons would figure out what was going on. Some mudokons are too simple minded though.
But yea... I also think there could be a lot more action during the dialogs.. But I have this problem too... Ask Splat how he does it O_o I simply have no idea.
Anyway keep posting more
If you have it all written, why don't you just post it all?