"Be not afraid of Life, believe that your life is worth living, and the Belief will help to create the Fact." ~~ By some bloke called James; I got this from the same Garfield book that Abe22 got his from...
"If I could do one thing with the world, I'd turn the entire human race into empaths. Make everybody feel everyone's pain. If we could all truly empathize with each other, there would be an immediate end to most human misery. Famines would stop as rich countries fall over themselves to send aid..." ~~ I don't know who wrote this one.
The Great Steven Wright had some funny ones:
"I went to a restaurant that said it served 'Breakfast any time!' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance..."
"When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the back yard. Eventually I was an only child..."
"I have a dog. His name's Stay. It was great when he was a puppy; I could sit there all day saying 'Here, Stay! Here, Stay!'"
"Last time I went to the movies I got thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was the Concession Stand prices are outrageous! Besides, I haven't had a Barbecue in a long while..."
"One time I went to the Drive-in in a Cab... That movie cost me ninety-five dollars..."
"If you were in a vehicle and you were travelling at the speed of light, then you turned your lights on, would they do anything?"
"Last time I went to Vegas I got into a furious argument at the Roulette Table over what I considered to be an odd number..."
"I bought some Dehydrated Water but I don't know what to add..."
"I was once walking alone in a forest and a tree fell right in front of me and it didn't make a sound..."
[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: Rettick ]