Well, at least I have something for when a 'Tell Jokes Badly' thread pops up.
On to more jokes though...
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A husband and wife had been married for forty years. Every single morning of these forty years, the husband would wake up and let rip a massive fart. And every single morning of these forty years, the wife would respond with:
"One of these days, you're going to fart your guts out!"
On thanksgiving morning, the wife had awoken early to prepare the turkey. After some work she had a bowl full of turkey guts in front of her and gets a sneaky idea. She quickly runs upstairs to the bedroom with the bowl of turkey guts, opens her husband's underwear, drops them in and lets go, letting the underwear snap closed. She quickly runs downstairs to wait in anticipation for a reaction.
About ten minutes later, she hears from the upstairs bedroom a deafening scream from her husband and she starts laughing hysterically. Twenty minutes after that, the husband finally walks downstairs.
Trying not to laugh, she asks, "I heard you wake up. What took you so long to come downstairs?"
To which he replies:
"You said it every morning for forty years of marriage. One day, I'm going to fart my guts out. Well, it finally happened."
"What?" She replies with fake surprise.
Interrupting her, he continues:
"But, with the grace of God and these two fingers... I shoved them all back in."
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