What do you call am an in paper trousers?
Russel.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?
Sir!
What do you call a seagull in a tuxedo?
A penguin.
How does an elephant climb a tree?
Sits on an acorn and waits for it to grow.
How does it get down again?
Sits on a leaf and waits until autumn.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
How do you know an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you know there's an elephant still in your fridge?
You can't close the door.
How do you know there's an elephant under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling.
How do you know there's an elephant in your bed?
You can see the 'E' on his pyjamas.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eyed deer.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
The next three are of a slightly distasteful nature, so feel free to skim over them.
WoF and Pilot are having some special fun in bed, but their massive internet bills mean they have to share an apartment with OANST, who is currently asleep in the bunk below them. WoF has a vegetable fetish, so he asks Pilot to say 'Tomato' for 'faster' and 'Lettuce' for 'slower'. After much rocking and quiet moaning from the top bunk, OANST finally sits up in bed and says: 'Can you guys stop making a sandwich up there? You're getting mayonnaise all over me!'
A mother is tidying up the house when she accidentally walks in on her son getting dressed. Naturally she quickly shuts the door and goes to do something else. The next day she is having check-up at the doctor's, and he asks if the rest of the family are all right. She says yes, but she had noticed that her son was slightly 'undeveloped downstairs'. The doctor says that a common fix for that is toast. Plenty of toast, and he'll be a love machine in no time. So the next morning, the boy comes down stairs to find a massive stack of toast on the breakfast table. He says, 'Great! I love toast!', and greedily reaches for the pile. The mother slaps his hand away, and says: 'Oi! The top three slices are yours. The rest is for your father.'
A group of explorers are on an expodition in the rainforest, when they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. They are now his, the tribal leader says. 'Go and collect five of your favorite fruit from the jungle, and if you try to escape we will eat you.' The four members of the expodition do as they are told, only to find that the tribe leader orders them to insert them into their arses. If they can get all five up without laughing, they are free to go, but if they laugh, they will be eaten. The first man steps forward with oranges. He manages to get two up, but laughs and is eaten. The second man steps forward with pears. He manages to get thee up, but laughs and is eaten. The third man steps forward with grapes. He manages to get one, two, three, four up, but at the last second turns around and bursts out laughing. Of course, he is eaten. The second man and the third man are talking in heaven, and the second man says: 'You were so close to freedom! Why did you laugh?' The third man replies: 'Because I turned round and saw the next guy coming with pineapples!'
Three men are shown a magic slide by a wizard, who tells them that whatever called for on the slide will be waitng for them at the bottom. The first man gets on the slide and shouts 'Gold!' and lands in giant pot of gold at the bottom. The second man shouts 'Money!' and lands in a giant pot of money. But the third man wasn't listening, and cried 'Wheeeee!' all the way down. You can work out the rest for yourself.
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