- Fair enough
-Oddworld is a lot like real-life in many ways. You just have to look at all the subtle references.
-I think the femaled drone explanation should be fine. If you want a more detailed synopsis, check out the other stories about female Sligs. I didn't want to bog down the stories with the what ifs and whys.
-She's not 'running around'. I care about Fan Corner too, which is why I have dedicated a lot of my time to writing fanfiction for the enjoyment of other users. It also brings me joy to write about different characters. You'll notice that in most of my fanfics, I don't refer to Canonical characters. With the exception of Skillya.
- I have taken on board your comments about describing the area and the locales. However I cannot adhere to changes that would not improve the quality of the story. You seem to want a gritty realistic oddworld fanfic. Of this, there are plenty which you can find on any good fanfiction website.
- Many of my other fanfics include more references to Oddworld creatures. I recommend you check those out (If not then I'll host them somewhere).
- Well, you took the time to post here. For that I'm glad that you realise that the Fan Corner is important. I only ask that you give this much attention to some other fanfiction writers, who have much bigger plotholes than me!
- That's understandable. Sorry if it was misleading."
Thanks again for the criticisms and I really do appreciate the advice. I will work on this as much as I can.
= * = * =
Chapter 7
After the rest, Yael and Malaki started boxing again. They trained for about thirty solid minutes before calling it a day. Yael went to the freezer to take out an ice-pack and applied it to her face. No bruising, she could go out tonight before her big match tomorrow. Malaki was a little bit worse for wear, but nothing too serious. Malaki removed his boxing gloves and placed them on the shelf. He lay down on one of the benches in the shower room.
Yael entered one of the shower compartments and closed the curtains. Yael started talking over the curtains to him, "I really need some Blue Whine, it's been ages since I had a glass!". Malaki smiled, "I'd take you myself but I have another training match tomorrow. Good luck with the fight though, I'll be sure to watch it". Yael giggled, "Thanks again Mal. See you later". She heard Malaki exit the shower room and she continued to wash her hair and under-arms.
Yael was just about ready for her fight tomorrow. She went out that night and had a few last drinks with a very friendly female Big Bro Slig named Sapphire. When she got back, Yael fell into a restful sleep. Yael didn't even have time to think about today or even tomorrow's match, she just drifted off quickly.
Chapter 8
"In the red corner, weighing 135 pounds... Unranked Boxer, Yael!". The crowd cheered as her name was announced. She had plenty of fans (most of them being male Sligs). Yael smiled as she saw a female Big Bro Slig waving, Malaki sitting close by. "In the blue corner, weighing 150 pounds... Ranked Boxer #10, Kanbok". The crowd cheered again, a few of the Sligs were booing.
Yael and Kanbok headed to the center of the ring, the referee stood in the middle. "Okay folks, we want a nice clean match. No low blows, no head-butts and no kicks under any circumstances. Got it?". Yael and Kanbok nodded. Kanbok placed his arms in front of his chest, "Good luck babe". Yael raised an eyebrow, 'Babe?', no one had ever called her that before! Yael smiled, "Sure thing". She swung her hands downwards to clash with his, a typical boxer exchange. "Same to you", she added. She walked over to the ring, where Saffy placed the mouthpiece into Yael's mouth. Kanbok's mouthpiece was also in.
The referee held up his hands, "Begin!". The bell was sounded by the adjudicator. Yael smiled, 'Now the fun begins!'. Malaki was on the edge of his seat. This would be a night to remember.
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