Wow, that's an impressive section of critical feedback! I'll go through each point in turn. I tried to make the 13 as unique as possible. Originally this was just randomly choosing traits, but I'm getting better at working out what each hybrid will be like in terms of behaviour.
I think I just forgot about the whole tension thing. There are a few little hints that everyone doesn't always get on, but you're right... I needed a bit of conflict there.
It's true that the plot is somewhat bland. While they do adapt quickly, that's probably down to their Scrab genes, which make them very formidable fighters. I'd say that most wildlife would probably be injured quite severely by a heavy metal foot. (However, for the future stories I hope to invent some more dangerous animals to overcome this).
They had no regrets of moving outside because that's what they were trained to do. They were going to be released in due course anyway, and most hybrids were getting sick of being confined all the time.
Some everyday difficulties do occur, especially in the later chapters. But I must also agree with you on this point. The way that Magnus reveals his powers were perhaps a bit contrived. I will elaborate on this very soon. Let's just say that Magnus isn't the only one with powers.
I think Bitsy's eating habits caused minor conflicts at first, but the other hybrids appreciate variety in their foods. While meat is their main food of choice, they wouldn't have it every single day. Bitsy is missing out on a few amino acids for now, but you'll have to wait and see if anything develops because of that.
The Vykkers created them from Slig eggs using Scrab DNA. They were actually the third generation of Slig experiment. The other experiments are featured in the other stories, I'm planning to tie-in some of my other fanfics with this one. While it's true that the Vykkers were originally going to monitor them after release, the explosion at the base caused problems for them. Perhaps they'll get in touch at some point, but it's quite possible that they all failed to escape.
Character development was always my first priority with this. This was also one of my first fanfics, so now I have some experience with writing. I could potentially have 13 stories, one dedicated to each member... but that might be a bit convoluted.
While I think that Teal and Sl'askia's characters did go through a lot of hardships, they became like Mary Sues by the end of the story, because everything that could go wrong, did. It's like watching a Soap Opera when everyone is upset and they keep fighting and the story doesn't ever have a positive vibe. It became physically difficult for me to read the final chapters of their stories because of the overload of negativity. It was like going to an Evanescence concert or something (I like their music but seriously, LIFE IS GOOD, stop being EMO!).
This hasn't discouraged me in the slightest. In fact, this has made me feel very motivated at trying to create an excellent story that will go down in the history of the Fan Corner fanfics
. Tulia's perspective is definately important here. In this next story I'm going to have more serious relationships, dangerous conflicts, discovery of powers... and I'll take on board the things you've said.
Thank you so much for your opinions. Remember, everyone who comments on this story will help it become better
SO GIMME SOME COMMENTS!!!
Here's a gift for all my fans. A preview picture of Chapter 5.