i like people to treat this as they would a real magazine; skimming over parts their not really interested in and concentrating on areas that interest them. its like keeping up with the times in Oddworld.
Issue: 13
VICE PRESIDENT ASLIK EATS HIS OWN WORDS!
Vice president Aslik adressed slig protestors outside FeeCo Depot today and stated that Tholl, the unfortunate train driver, would not be sent to Skillya, but would instead be transferred to another company.
One of our reporters managed to get a few words from him amongst the crowds before he retreated back to his office;
"There was a slight mix up, and he was accused of crimes he didnt commit. Therefore he has been pardoned. Goodbye."
MAG: Yeah right.
We could not find Tholl, as he was in the process of being transferred. No high-ranking FeeCo Depot staff will give away his destination.
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M.O.M – News you cannot refuse – By the Scrabtrapman
ISSUE6: DROP POD
Last night two mysterious drop pods hurtled into a small jungle 40 miles from a slig outpost, delegate General Gibson told us, “We are investigating what sent these pods down; they appear to resemble wasp heads with six eyes”! The general has sent Mudos quadrant 11 into danger level 10 (1%-5% threat alert)
These mysterious pods give a interesting chance that there is life off Oddworld!
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MAD BUT TRUE ANIMALS!
1.) Today i was out hunting in Scrabania when I come across a TAME scrab! Im not joking! I approached it and it didnt seem bothered, and I actually managed to ride it home! Amazing!
MAG: I'm sorry but that is unbelievable, literally, and anyone who does believe it needs their head testing.
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INTERVIEW TIME!
And now we return to Silpher and his pack. This time, we have the Alpha leader Ulric.
Ulric: Hello SW Magazine.
Interviewer: You know us, we're glad.
U: Silpher told me, let's begin.
I: So, you are the pack Alpha?
U: That's right. It ain't an easy job, but we all stick with each other through thick and thin.
I: You had a couple of scrapes and cuts lately from a Scrab attack?
U: Yeah, this is one (points to eyebrow), but it's not as bad as this one (points to his arm). It'll be fine in a few weeks.
I: Inna is your female companion?
U: You could call her that, but not to her face. She can be pretty rough when she wants to be. I'll tell you a story about her...
Well, after reading the interview... It doesn't look like the Inna story will be suitable for broadcast. We'll try and censor out the material, but it could take a few months.
MAG: Cant wait for THAT instalment!
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-ADVERT FINISH-
Words With Kroloff
YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!
Anonymous: I was wondering, do you have any info or references for The Golden Gun product? I'm not sure whether to get one or not.
Kroloff: I actually do have one, got it cheap off a contact of mine, if you know what I mean. So far i find the weapon above average; its spot on sights and precise shooting is deadly, and very effective. I found I can shoot stuff I can barely see! On the other hand the automatic setting is a bit crap, because its just too precise.
A good machinegun should spray its ammunition, not too wide of course, but it must not be very precise. All in all, excellent sniper ability, rubbish machinegun/automatic setting.
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RUBBISH JOKES!
1.) What do you call a miniature scrab?
A: A crab!
By: Dost
2.) How do you tell the differenct between a slog and a glukkon?
A: One barks, and the other barks orders!
By: Hollen
3.) Whats the dirtiest animal on Oddworld?
A: A MUDokon!
By: Greenz
THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: Greenz, with that (slightly) amusing joke. Well done my friend, 50 moolah is all yours!
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COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S
> Small ranch for sale. We went bust all of a sudden with the price drop for meep in the market. 20 acres of land also. All fenced off and secure. No employees. Plenty of dead meep. 5500 moolah.
Tel: 0182 398 700
> Slig Bond
- Want to see the latest Slig Bond adventures? Why not see them on fancy high-definition red-ray discs! Movies include; The Slig with the Golden Gun, Sligfinger, Sliggyeye, Casino Slig and of course, Quantum of Slig. 10 moolah each or 35 moolah for all of them in a special 5-pack.
Call 01441 15161 1412
(calls cost 1 moolah per min)
> NEW PA SLIG NEEDED. Good pay; 350 moolah a week. Easy job, just do everything I tell you. Also be willing to sacrifice your life to save mine. SERIOUS ENQUIRIES ONLY!
TEL: 0182 591 221
SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:
Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix
"No news is good news. I'm afraid I cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.
If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!
Thanks for reading!
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credit goes to AlexFili for the interview and the Slig Bond ad. Also credit goes to Scrabtrapman for the M.O.M. News information.
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